To be disappointed in this Christmas present from my DH

[MagpieMil]

My DH and I have been married three years and have 2 DCs under 5. The first year we were together he bought me a Hermes scarf and the second year a gold bracelet.

The third year he bought me a very humdrum and functional watch, which is ugly and not at all me, but which I wear anyway.

Last year, he bought me some sort of membership package to go to events, except that it never turned up and he spent all of January telling me he called them, they were disorganised/ embarrassed etc and in February he told me he had got annoyed so asked for his money back. So I got nothing. I reminded him many times.

My MIL bought me a spa day last year. Or she gave DH the money to get my a spa day, but he never did. I keep reminding him. He says "I haven't forgotten." Unlike the events thing, which I can't see me getting to as we never have an evening babysitter and he isn't home in time for me to go out, I could actually go to the spa as there is one a road away from us.

This year, we have been talking for about a year about getting some natural trees for our garden to make a hedge out of wild pears, crab apples. He asked me why I hadn't bought the trees. I said we were short of money for garden things, which is true, and maybe next year. He then said he was buying me the trees for Christmas. It would be nice to have an edible hedge but, it's not really a priority for me and I feel grumpy about it. AIBU?

[therootoftheroot]

not unreasonable AT ALL!!!!
tell your mother in law that you STILL haven't had your spa day!!!

[NennyNooNoo]

YABU. It was something you said you wanted but couldn't afford. Sounds like an idea for a present to me.

DH has bought me a monkey puzzle tree for xmas but then I like gardening.

[Ahickiefromkinickie]

YANBU. The hedges are a household purchase not a present for you.

Does he expect you to get him decent presents?

[sj257]

Better than nothing surely? We can't afford to buy for each other at all this year. If you don't want the trees then tell him.

[SureStartRedemption]

Brace yourself for the 'your lucky your dh even buys you a present, mine doesn't brigade'.
However this does strike me as a situation where your dh is slipping into seeing you as part of the household and forgetting you are still the woman he married and wanted to make happy. Not that I am blaming your dc but the grind of young children makes it easy to forget that you are Mr and Mrs MagpieMil not just 'mum and dad'. I would be honest with your dh (don't be a martyr) and say you are glad he's bought something for the garden but that's not really a present for you and you would really like something just for you. Don't say nothing and grind your teeth in the corner or you can look forward to Christmases of vacuums and cooking appliances.

[Madbengalmum]

Mmm, a hedge for christmas! Well i guess its unusual, YANBU.

[mynachos]

i'd be livid about missing the spa day out! Surely the mil must have mentioned it to you in passing?

[ineedamoreadultieradult]

YABU last year DH bought me some Mulled Wine scented shower gel! You want trees you can't afford trees he is getting you the trees. Can't see the problem.

[pinkyredrose]

YANBU. Where did the money for the spa end up?

[stella23]

Just buy him some hedge trimmer to go with it

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

If he knows you don't want a hedge for Christmas then he would be unreasonable to go ahead and give you one. If he doesn't know, make it very clear!

[Butterymuffin]

Say 'I'd rather have my spa day first and the hedge can be a joint present to us both for Valentine's Day. In fact, why don't you get me two spa days, one from last year and another one for this year? Here's the number'. Hand him the phone.

[Bluntness100]

That's pretty crap. I'd guess he never bought you a present last year and kept the money from your mother in law too, sorry. And tell him you don't want a hedge for Xmas , or say one half of a hedge for your Xmas and you'll buy him the other half for Xmas.

Pretty shit in my opinion and he's not being nice and doesn't want to buy you Xmas gifts.

[Ginslinger]

but you wanted trees? I don't see the problem

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

Oh and pocketing the cash for your spa day is stealing from you. That's pretty shitty behaviour IMO. Have you told his mum?

[Castleheights]

At least it's not a new bush ... 😳

[MatildaTheCat]

OP hasn't said she particularly want the hedge,must that they were talking about it and it's not a priority for her. She wants a decent gift and is owed at least 2 already. Definitely shame him by mentioning the spa day in front of mil and offer to get your own present since he can't be bothered.

Then give him a gift wrapped IOU for Christmas.

[HaveNoSocks]

YANBU. That is a household purchase and something it sounds like he wants more than you. I'd definitely insist on getting your spa day. Do you have a joint account could you just order it yourself?

[llangennith]

Yes, mention the non-spa event in front of MIL. She's probably wondering why you haven't told her what a wonderful time you had.
Forget the bloody hedge. Tell DH you want the spa day you are owed.

[happychristmasbum]

yanbu - and ask him where your missing presents are. I would be very unhappy with all this

[hawaiibaby]

Yanbu and please just sort that spa day pronto!

[JellyBelli]

YANBU.

[anna1313]

I've asked for and hope to get plants for xmas!
Maybe after 15 years together thats what counts as exciting but we're happy 😂

[BlueFolly]

So basically he's nicked the money for your spa day

[jelliebelly]

Bit of a trend developing here where he never actually spends anything on you - thoughtless at best and manipulative at worst. YANBU but you need to put your foot down - what stopped you booking the spa day and asking him for the money??