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AIBU?

To think I should at least have a text as an update?

34 replies

MammaTJ · 12/12/2016 21:58

I have a neighbour on her 70's who has become a good friend.
I used to go over every Sunday for a few hours to keep her company as she cannot get out due to lack of buses.
She has been ill recently. The first time, her DS and family happened to be visiting, and got the keys from me to get in as she was confused and could not unlock the door for him. I went over and made the decision to phone an ambulance, she was in hospital a few days.
I then visited twice a day, on her discharge as I did not think she should be home. DS then text me asking me to check on her a few hours earlier as he had phoned and she did not sound right. I ran over, nothing on my feet (my own fault in my haste) and she needed an ambulance! The hospital got fined as it was a quick readmission after discharge. She stayed a couple of weeks next time.
I gradually reduced my visits to an hour every evening, then 2-3 hours on Sat and Sun.

She has been home a while this time and on Friday was not great. She had had a TIA, while I was there, but recovered quickly and said she did not want an ambulance. They would have assessed her and found her ok and left anyway! I did check on her later by phone, then Sat morning. Also, as usual Sat night.

Sunday I got a phone call from her niece and a text from her DS saying that she was not well and could I check on her, which I did! I found a trail of destruction, where she had been dropping stuff and she had a dropped lip, slurred speech and confusion, so I called an ambulance!

They came and took her to hospital, all good. I have her dog, I sorted her house (turned off heating, washed up dishes, cleaned up mess).

I have not had an update from her DS, her next of kin since. I made a point of ringing all her family, including her DS, when the ambulance took her away.

AIBU to want to text (our normal form of contact) a text stating my disappointment in lack of news? I know she has been moved to ITU and is stable, but that is all they will tell me as a non relative.

I am so upset and frustrated that I have not been told all that is going on!

They rely on me to look after her, surely they should let me know!

OP posts:

Report

CurlsNoMore · 12/12/2016 22:02

What a wonderful person you are!
And yes they should be updating you. Have you texted them today?

MammaTJ · 12/12/2016 22:05

Nope, rang the hospital and got told she is in ITU but stable, that was all they could tell me!!

I was promised updates by the DS. I did say all I wanted was texts! Not too much effort.

OP posts:

NancyDonahue · 12/12/2016 22:05

They are probably in the thick of worrying about her and just haven't been able to contact you. You are a wonderful neighbour and what you did for her was incredibly thoughtful. I hope she's ok and that they let you know soon.

MammaTJ · 12/12/2016 22:07

I am not wonderful either, she fill a gap in my life. I have done care work since 17 years old. I cannot do that any more, so I love looking after her.

She is also a friend to me, and is someone I can talk to and knows what I have been through in the last couple of years.

OP posts:

NancyDonahue · 12/12/2016 22:09

Then you are both wonderful . I hope she's better soon and back with you (next door). Xx

CurlsNoMore · 12/12/2016 22:11

I hope they do send more updates; they are probably just overwhelmed but I would hope they quickly remember and contact you.
Hope she is doing okay and you find this out quickly.

JenLindleyShitMom · 12/12/2016 22:12

They are extremely lucky to have you there for her, I am sure they will remember this when things are more settled and will contact you. When things like this happen people aren't always thinking straight and consideration for others is a bit further down the priority list. Don't be too upset with them, they are going through a tough time.

stella23 · 12/12/2016 22:12

I don't think you realise how wonderful you have been, you may well have saved her life.

Yanbu to have expected a text, not really sure what you should do next though

ConvincingLiar · 12/12/2016 22:14

Text and specifically ask for an update? Might be less likely to overlook you.

NiceFalafels · 12/12/2016 22:19

Text them.

Cguk81 · 12/12/2016 22:21

I would just send him a friendly text along the lines of "I realise things will be a bit full on at your end but just wondering how 'neighbour' is doing? I've been worrying and thinking about her".

MinesAGin · 12/12/2016 22:31

OP, you said, "She had had a TIA, while I was there, but recovered quickly and said she did not want an ambulance. They would have assessed her and found her ok and left anyway!"

I think you did the wrong thing there - you didn't know that they would have found her to be ok. You can't take that responsibility on yourself. You've been really good to her and of course you should be kept informed, but if she has a TIA, you should call the ambulance.

MammaTJ · 12/12/2016 22:40

No, I did the right thing. They would have found her coherent and refusing help. They would have turned up an hour later, when she was fine.

I made my own assessment, having done 2 years of a nursing degree and a lot of years of care experience. There is no way they would have taken her to hospital on the Friday night!

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 12/12/2016 22:49

Oh and she has had repeated TIAs, that she has quickly recovered from, so I was using that to judge too! Including the time I had rung an ambulance for one and was made to feel I was overreacting!

OP posts:

bumsexatthebingo · 12/12/2016 23:23

Sounds like you have been very good to.your neighbour and yanbu to have expected an update. Ywbvvvvu though, in my view, to text them stating your 'disappointment' at the lack of news! The man's mother is seriously ill - you aren't the priority here. Sending a text basically telling him off at a time like this would be spectacularly insensitive. Just text and ask how she is.

MammaTJ · 14/12/2016 13:21

I finally spoke to her yesterday, as she was well enough to take a call. She is in ITU, having had another stroke.

The nurse described her as stable.

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 14/12/2016 19:36

She rang me today, having been moved to another ward. She was not coherent enough for me to understand which ward though.

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 29/12/2016 00:15

She is home, finally. Really seems well, certainly better than when she was last discharged.

OP posts:

SmartyPants0 · 29/12/2016 00:22

That's great news Mamma... did her family ever contact you?

Mummychoochoo3 · 29/12/2016 00:22

Glad to hear that your friend is doing really well. Happy new year to you.

chinam · 29/12/2016 00:22

That's great news.

Loaferloveforyou · 29/12/2016 00:47

I hope all elderly people have neighbours like you x

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MammaTJ · 29/12/2016 12:03

SmartyPants, I got a text from her son telling me she was coming home Christmas eve, then a text later to say she wasn't, with an offer to come and collect her dog.

Then a text yesterday, to say she was coming home.

He did thank me for looking after her when he got home with her, then took her shopping. I stayed with her till midnight last night, she is a late bird! Will go over in a bit and keep a close eye on her.

OP posts:

Ilovecaindingle · 29/12/2016 16:20

Wow she is one lucky lady having you for a neighbour!!

RichardBucket · 29/12/2016 16:23

When my nan had a storke and was dying in hospital, keeping all the friends and family updated was exhausting. I concentrated on my nan, not them.

So while I understand you're anxious and want to be kept updated, I do think YABU.

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