Dick moves your pets have made(304 Posts)
I know I'm probably BU to start a thread inspired by HardLightHologram's thread but it's too well timed not to.
Last night my 9 month old pup busted out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and went on a rampage. Woke up at 6am to find a hole in one of the couch cushions, a cushion that was a wedding gift with all the stuffing torn out it, chewed woodwork at the top of the stairs and THREE(!) shits dotted about the place. Including one on the new hall carpet. And she ate a sponge that was left out in the bathroom
She's fine by the way, I was worried she'd eaten foam but she seems to have just trailed it around the whole fucking upstairs.
Fast forward 14 hours and I'm just about over it. Does anyone else have any stories of their pets being dicks to make me feel better about my own shit
My dog was a massive dick today. He pounced at the Christmas tree, knocked it over and dragged tinsel everywhere. No idea how he got it, he must have leapfrogged over the sofa. Little shit.
My dog once ate a whole brand new jar of peanut butter (no idea how he got the lid off - jar was intact). He got a particularly bad upset tummy. That is the only thing that has ever affected him though and he is always eating things he shouldn't - food and otherwise. Naughty Labrador!!
My dog is a dick! Just got new carpet laid in too hall as she had destroyed the previous. She has peed on it. She is lucky she is so cute.
Our pets make dick moves most days. saturday night, the dog came into the garden with me to take rabbit in. Being the halfwit he is, he jumped on top of the wire rabbit run. I told him to get down. He did. Minus a claw.Total dick move.
Blood, shrieking and flapping paw. He's bandaged, 3 legged and enjoying the novelty of sleeping on our bed. I swear he's limping for effect now.
Meanwhile, our rabbits are just dicks. Just put christmas tree up and already one has eaten tinsel. They like to piss in the hall and aim little round shits under the door. (how do they get them so far?)
Dicks. toilet-trained ones.
The other night cat stole chicken off my plate, proceeded to throw it up on the living room rug. Such a dickhead. She is cute though.
I'm still not over the time he rolled in a dead seal. Dear god. The smell.
My dog is a dick
I've two cats. The list is endless. My older cat has a habit of vomitting his hairballs on our blankets. Then come the rodents and birds in different stages of existence, from very much alive to half eaten or regurgitated.
One memorable night the older cat first brought himself a mouse. Not to be left behind, the younger one took out a whole rat nest, ate the Mama and brought herself the babies as living toys. And just when we thought we can sleep, the older one had a huge fight with his arch enemy and returned with multiple bits on his neck, ears, tummy ...
Our golden retriever pup dug a rather large hole in our decking, literally through the wood. He ate the shed key. He systematically pulled up and ate every single shrub and plant in my garden. His particular favourite though was the plastic absorbent pads from inside meat packets; he probably had 10 of those, God knows how he was so quick but he'd hear the packet being sliced and get it and eat it within a split second.
This is from a long time ago. Back in the days before deep fat fryers, when folk had chip pans and used (and reused and reused) solid fat.
Vile, I know.
Anyway, mum had made some chips and decided it was time to change the fat. So she put the chip pan out on the path to cool down.
A while later, I noticed the fog was looking decidedly ropey. And then he was sick. As in rivers of sick. It was the mount Vesuvius of vomit.
Yup, he'd eaten an entire chip pan of fat.
My cat likes to go out in the rain. At night. (Keeping her in not an option. She goes nuts if she feels trapped)
She then comes home, freezing cold and soaking wet. Wakes us up and demands skin to fur to dry her and warm her up.
Then she goes back out
3am nursing the cold wet cat Is. Not. Fun.
Asshole cat got into the biscuit bag today, ate a load of cat biscuits and threw them back up on the kitchen counter.
My cat is being a real dick at the moment. He's taken to leaping up the back of my chair, sharpening his claws on it and grabbing, biting and chewing my hair. Tonight he came in with filthy, muddy paws, leapt on the chair and covered it in mud. If I go to push him down he does this funny little chirrup and I instantly forgive him/give in.
Last night I found my new hairbrush in my dog's bed chewed to pieces.
Then this morning I came downstairs to find little piles of dog vomit full of bristles
Thanks for that dick dog! Not only do I have to replace my hairbrush but I have to somehow clean the bastard side cushions too.
Running a bath realised hot water was out, so left about an inch whilst tried to get it going. Stupid cat jumped into the bath as that where she likes to lie down and absolutely shit herself as she didn't realise water was in there equals one very wet cat and me laughing my head off
Bastard cat, that I hand reared from.a starved flea ridden 3wk old kitten. Shoes it's gratitude by bringing live mice into the house through the cat flap. Broke the cat flap so it couldn't be locked. Let live mouse loose in kitchen. Mouse made a nest in the oven. Ffs.
Had to take the oven to the tip, buy a new on AND a new cat flap, which have taken dh about four weeks to fit. No oven/grill/hob for four weeks!!!
We have 2 dogs, 2 rabbits and a cat (just outed myself to anyone that knows me!) so I'm reading these and nodding along to a lot of them The 20 minute car ride after our dead seal incident was particularly memorable
Dog was a dick when he found a well rotted pigeon and decided he'd bring it home to eat. He refused to drop it, not even for sausage and I was so squeamish because of the maggots crawling round his face I had to walk him home to get dh to take it off of him I had to use the power shower on him to get the maggots off,well those he didn't eat anyway.
One of his favourite tricks is to roll in fox shit and then gravel so he's stinking and pebble dashed.It happens so often it's nearly expected now.
Our cat, B, once got terribly unwell and had to be rushed to the vet after a few days of being off her food. Vet felt her tummy and declared she had a blockage. At only 12 weeks the odds of her surviving surgery weren't great, they operated that night and the following afternoon we raced over to the vet to see her (she survived the operation). The vet held aloft a tiny plastic bag and declared "none of us can work out what it is, do you know" and there in the bag was the tip of a nerf gun bullet which B had decided to eat and which had caused the £783 worth of damage to her innards. I messaged DH that I'd told the vet to put the pissing bullet back in her and let nature take it's course.
On the subject of bowels, we also have a spaniel who is the stupidest dog to walk the earth. She lay on our bed one night looking sorry for herself and whimpering, a trip to the vet the next morning and the vet said she probably just had constipation and gave her some meds. A few hours later she farted loudly while stood on my lovely, new, John Lewis rug. And shat out a whole GapKids sock. It was like something from a horror film.
The dog also last summer had a swollen face, took her to the vet (again) who said she'd either got an allergy or eaten a bee. Did bloods and suddenly 48 hours later it was like an episode of scrubs where they rushed her off on a trolley to perform an exorcism or whatever it was she needed. Turns out the bloods had showed massive liver failure and she was days from deaths door. The DCs and I were distraught, thinking we'd have to buy a new stupid dog to replace this one, said our goodbyes, even DH flew home from working abroad to give her a send off. Vet had mixed up her bloods with an elderly dog's ones and the fucker didn't even have the good grace to die. She's still here, crapping socks all over my best rug.
Every morning between 3 and 4.30am she paws at the door wanting to be let into to the lounge so she can sleep on the sofa.
Last summer we'd got our holiday clothes washed and folded ready to put in the case. Little-shit-dog peed all over the pile the day before our flight Very naughty move from her!
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