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To be fantasising over a man I might on Thursday night?

(15 Posts)
Pinksink Mon 12-Dec-16 13:07:33

I know I am 😳

So Thursday night was Christmas party in a hotel, dinner and dancing. I'm married with 3 kids and a lovely husband who ive been with 16 years. He is my best mate and a great dad but since having the kids the bedroom side has gone south and it's me who's just not interested. We don't talk about it (I realise this is all v unhealthy but we are genuinely a happy family with a lot to be thankful for).

So Thursday night I got a lot of attention of a member of staff. I often saw him lokkkng over at me, he smiled at me a lot, he gave me 4 free drinks. He did not try anything on, more than leaning over and giving me a v quick kiss on the lips and saying merry christmas when he gave me one of the drinks. It was clear I think that he liked me but he certainly didn't ask for my no or anything like that. I assume he saw wedding rings and is a better person that I feel today. BUT I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUt HIM!!!!!! He just made me feel soooo special and warm and lovely. I've got work to do and yet I feel sick and can't concentrate because of a person whose name I don't even know!!!!

Someone hand me a grip and tell me to get over myself please!!

Pinksink Mon 12-Dec-16 13:08:53

Apologies for grammar/typos in title and post. Typing too quick on a phone!

shovetheholly Mon 12-Dec-16 13:10:13

Look up 'limerance' on the internet!

This has far more to do with the fact that you're bored out of your mind in bed with your husband than anything to do with this guy. He's just a hollow fantasy, a project of what you think you really want. Your rational head is telling you this - listen to it! The damage that you could do going further down this road is colossal. You need to work on the things that are wrong with your reality, not to escape into a fantasy world.

Kikibanana86 Mon 12-Dec-16 13:12:32

I don't think there's anything wrong with the odd fantasy as long as it doesn't turn into anything g in rl.

You do need to sort out the sexual side of your marriage though else it won't end well, whether there are other people involved or not!

Pinksink Mon 12-Dec-16 13:18:03

Thanks both. V good advice already and I've learnt a new word!! I am. It the sort of person to go back to the hotel and hunt this man down and declare my undying love so unlikely 'a colossal mistake' will come from it. I just need to stop thinking about him 😳

I also just don't know where to start with husband and sex life. It's been going on so long and it's just the elephant in the room that neither of us talk about.

Pinksink Mon 12-Dec-16 13:21:34

*i am not
Must proof read before posting...

c3pu Mon 12-Dec-16 13:22:47

YABU - put your energy into rediscovering things with your DH (easier said than done, granted - but ultimately a much better use of your time and energy).

Rixera Mon 12-Dec-16 13:25:30

Take a big breath and talk about your lack of a sex life with your OH. It's not like he's not noticed. Yeah, it's scary, and probably embarrassing, but you have to do it anyway. If it leads to the two of you feeling fulfilled, it's worth it, surely?

Ohyesiam Mon 12-Dec-16 13:47:09

Don't underestimate how crazy-making a fantasy can become. It's amazing his your mind can take over.
Looking at it pragmatically, it's not about the man is it? It's about feeling attractive, and single out, and persued. So these are the qualities you need to find other ways to cultivate, and a good start may talking to your DH about your lack of sex.
How it goes well.

Pinksink Mon 12-Dec-16 14:19:59

You've totally hit the nail on the head ohyesiam. I can barely remember what he looks like but I can remember exactly how he made me feel 😳

Pinksink Fri 16-Dec-16 22:28:41

Urghhhh. Still can't stop thinking about him. It's driving me insane....can't eat....can't sleep. Apparently a teenager again. All over someone whose name I don't know. I do know I'm being completely unreasonable and am normally quite level headed!!

Shesinfashion Sat 17-Dec-16 10:18:57

You need to grow up. You're not 15. Focus on your sexless marriage and forget this man who was paid to flirt with customers.

icy121 Sat 17-Dec-16 16:15:03

Pinksink rather than talk to you DH why not justness instigate some sex? If you share a bed it's really really easy - just snuggle up to him and the rest will follow.

haveacupoftea Sat 17-Dec-16 16:20:57

It is fantastic and overwhelming to feel wanted when you havent felt that in a long time. You need to work on bringing that to your marriage. Get a book on improving your married sex life or something.

Lumpylumperson Sat 17-Dec-16 16:22:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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