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AIBU?

to move back to London?

123 replies

Almondmilk · 12/12/2016 04:50

I know that AIBU advisors are very opinionated, I take a risk here!
Here is the case: my partner and I,, both Europeans met in London. We lived there. We moved to Scandinavia as he has a property there and I wanted to give it a try so he wouldn't sell it without having lived there together. It's been two years that we are there and I can't get used to the lifestyle there. It's good for plenty of reasons but I also miss a lot of things: friends, arts, automn, etc! I have learned the basics of language but I can't picture myself speaking a third language, I am just tired of it. I miss my mothertongue as well as I am fine speaking in english. My partner isn't fond of the culture of his homeland and he doesn't have friends here (he doesn"t bond with Scandinavians!). The most important things we have here are: a good small flat, clean environment, small costs. But I feel like we will always miss having friends and unexpected situations like we had in London. Work opportunities here are none so we have created self-employed situations - well at least it works for me, not for him yet-. We are bored at night (especially me) and weekends and it affects our relationship.

I feel VERY guilty question my geographical situation. So...Aibu to want to move away, or back to London/UK? Please be frank but kind as I already struggle enough, it's 6am and I haven't slept a wink.

OP posts:

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Almondmilk · 12/12/2016 04:51

I should precise: we don't have kids yet.

OP posts:

Almondmilk · 12/12/2016 05:40

another little note: Scandinavia feels so safe (at least where we are) I feel extra guilty to drag us back to London, and maybe have kids there...

OP posts:

RubyRoseViolet · 12/12/2016 05:42

It doesn't sound as if either of you are happy in Scandinavia so why not?

BratFarrarsPony · 12/12/2016 05:44

Just go back to London, honestly...

scaredoffallout · 12/12/2016 05:50

Hi almond. I can't advise you in the sense that I don't know the place that you are living in at the moment.

I do live in London though, and I would say that a lot depends on how much you will both earn and on your living arrangements because it's not cheap!

It's an exciting, forward thinking and cosmopolitan place, but it's also quite crowded in places and can be exhausting!

Just out of interest, which European country are you from (if you don't mind me asking)?

BratFarrarsPony · 12/12/2016 05:51

Yes but she knows that Scared, she already had a life there....

AnnaFiveTowns · 12/12/2016 05:54

Life's too short - just move back.

scaredoffallout · 12/12/2016 05:56

Yes I realised that as I pressed post . And I knew anyway but was adding my own view of London for what it's worth. My perspective is different in any case as I have 3 kids so have experienced London in that sense. And a settled life here with kids is probably going to be more expensive than a single one with more disposable cash to enjoy everything on offer. Depends on the amount of money that will be available..

scaredoffallout · 12/12/2016 05:58

(And after almost 21 years in London, I do now yearn for a simpler existence, try telling my kids that though!).

ForalltheSaints · 12/12/2016 07:16

The days are short enough in London at this time of year. How you manage in a Scandanavian country with them must be difficult. The only thing that may stop you is cost if you really want to move back and your DP is happy to do so.

Blinkyblink · 12/12/2016 07:19

Back to London.
Veru safe (terrorise threat aside but the chances of you being affected by that are very slim) and brilliant for having children!!! So much to do. I loved and love it

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 07:24

Is it wise to move back before you know what the score will be post-brexit? I keep coming across Europeans heading home.

Cosmicglitterpug · 12/12/2016 07:27

Sounds like you've already decided.
I have two kids in London and have no desire to be anywhere else; it suits us very well.
You can't say you haven't tried!

YelloDraw · 12/12/2016 08:57

God yeah, come back. Life is to short.

There was a study published a few months ago that said scani countries were the hardest to integrate into as an ex-pat.

HaveNoSocks · 12/12/2016 09:02

Well I love Scandinavia so I'm biased but.......if neither of you acyially like living there seems like it's time to head back to London. If you're thinking about kids and the future there are plenty of places that are commutable from London and much more safe with lots of green space (Kent, Cambridge etc.).

user1471545174 · 12/12/2016 09:17

Come back for a holiday and see how you feel. It's deteriorating fast.

BillSykesDog · 12/12/2016 09:29

If you're high earners having kids in London could be good. If you're not it's most likely going to be grim. Sky high housing and childcare costs, long expensive commutes which mean you don't get much time with your kids. Part time work made prohibitively expensive by transport costs. If you can't afford to buy you are probably looking at private rentals which often means frequent moves and a very unsettled lifestyle with moves and school changes for children.

My brother has kids in London and it's good for him. He's a high earner and his wife has a job right by the mainline station which goes to a station close to their house with the school/nursery also close. But she still has problems because the trains are so unreliable, they only manage because my parents are close by and can do emergency pick ups. Their lifestyle is just ordinary too despite being high earners, because everything is so expensive high earning just buys ordinary.

Schools are good and there are nice things to do. But on a poor income with kids your ability to do those things is limited.

Plus moving back for friends - you may well find that many of your friends move out of London when they start families anyway. I grew up in London and most of the people I know who are still there are child free. Unexpected experiences are also probably not going to be as welcome with a toddler and baby in tow.

If you're planning a family and aren't going to be high earners I would think very, very carefully. Would another part of the UK be an option?

tangerino · 12/12/2016 09:31

"It's deteriorating fast" - wtf?

Come back- London is wonderful. A great place to live, work and bring up children. Not cheap but suspect you know all about that.

user1471545174 · 12/12/2016 09:41

Yes tangerino I was born in London and still live here, it's getting worse.

I hope I am permitted to disagree with you?

scaredoffallout · 12/12/2016 10:47

In what sense do you think it is getting worse? I have definitely noticed that parts of it are much more crowded and therefore chaotic feeling.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2016 10:53

True bill but many things are also free. For instance having no money where I live leaves the library and a pretty miserable boring museum to go to in winter with my dc, or parks if weather nice. If was in London I have so many free amazing museums to visit and loads of other stuff.

tangerino · 12/12/2016 10:56

User-numbers, of course you can disagree- I do find your statement weirdly sweeping though. In what way do you think it's deteriorating? (Actually, I suspect I can guess...)

London is extremely varied- if you want to live somewhere multicultural and exciting, it has that. If you want to live among artists and creatives, you can. If you want to live in a beautiful stucco-fronted Georgian villa you can do that too- you just need to be able to pay for it (obviously an issue). We have some of the world's best galleries, museums, theatre, restaurants, outstanding public parks, fascinating history, diverse and dynamic people...I wouldn't live anywhere else.

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juneau · 12/12/2016 11:00

I think the only thing that would worry me about moving back to London in your situation is the big question mark over what will happen to Europeans living in the UK post-Brexit. There is also some question mark over which Europeans will be allowed to stay. I suspect that it may come down to a when they arrived - so anyone who was ordinarily resident before June 23, 2016 may get to stay, but anyone who moved here afterwards may not. Since you plan on moving back here and making a life with a family this should be factored in. Of course, right now we know nothing about what will happen once the UK leaves, but it does mean that whatever your personal plans turn out to be, politics may throw a spanner in the works.

YelloDraw · 12/12/2016 11:02

Come back for a holiday and see how you feel. It's deteriorating fast.

Exactly in what way is London deteriorating?

user1471545174 · 12/12/2016 11:05

BillSykesDog covered most of it. It's all fur coat and no knickers - surface gloss, seedy underbelly, unaffordable. Don't get me wrong, it's home and I love it, but I'd no more raise kids here than throw them to lions.

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