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Blowing out other kids birthday candles?

(53 Posts)
Lovetonurse10 Thu 08-Dec-16 12:35:57

Aibu to think it's not acceptable to let your child blow out Birthday candles on someone else's birthday? It was recently my ds 5th birthday we had a little tea party for family. I try to make a special effort for birthdays as mine were always half hearted or last minute growing up. After the song and my son blowing out his candles my nephew asked for them to be relit so he could blow them out. I explained it wasn't his birthday and that he could when it was his. He then ran out to nanny and she came in got a candle and lit it so he could blow it out. I found this really rude, it wasn't it 'special' day. I suppose I'm a bit sensitive as nephew also 5 tends to bully my son (deliberately takes toys off my son, teases him and provokes a reaction, lies that ds hit him when he hasn't ). What are everyone's thoughts? I've never let my child blow candles unless it's his birthday btw.

OP’s posts: |
Nightfall1983 Thu 08-Dec-16 12:37:33

This was after your son had blown out his candles? YABU

DailyFail1 Thu 08-Dec-16 12:38:48

They're both 5 right? If your son is expected to behave at parties he should be too.

Footinmouthasusual Thu 08-Dec-16 12:38:53

Tricky and yes it's your dss day.

I thought you were going to say your nephew blew them out first after the happy birthday and your ds didn't get his chance but see he did so that's good.

I think the problem here is tour annoyance st your nephews general behaviour not the cake.

Guessing if you liked him you would have re lit the candies wink

RedHelenB Thu 08-Dec-16 12:39:13

YABU at age 5 blowing out one candle after birthday boy has blown them is no big deal.

Lapinlapin Thu 08-Dec-16 12:41:15

Well I agree with you, I wouldn't let my children blow out other children's candles either.

However, both sets of grandparents are happy to totally indulge my dc! So if they'd asked them, then they probably would have been allowed, which is what seems to have happened in your situation.

Your ds still had a nice day and your nephew blowing out the candles didn't take anything away from that really, did it?

I imagine the issue is the bullying, which must be colouring your judgement a bit, (but must be horrible for you to watch.)

RortyCrankle Thu 08-Dec-16 12:42:26

Sounds like a non event - so he got to blow out a candle - so what?

Lovetonurse10 Thu 08-Dec-16 12:44:59

He was restrained so he couldn't sneak in and blow them out first lol! I let him blow them out when they were younger their birthdays are close but I figure at 5 he should be told it's not his birthday esp as he doesn't share when it's his cake...

OP’s posts: |
Ciderandskatesdontmix Thu 08-Dec-16 12:45:30

I think YABU it's not like he shoved your ds out of the way to blow out his candles, he just wanted to have a turn as well. I think you're probably a bit over sensitive about this because of how you felt you were treated on your birthdays

JellyBelli Thu 08-Dec-16 12:47:06

Not at all tricky. All kids can learn to share and be generous. That includes not getting a special gift to unwrap on someone else's birthday, not blowing out their candles, and celebrating someone else's day without making it about them.
He is spoiled and its a shame.

Lovetonurse10 Thu 08-Dec-16 12:48:09

I think you're right laplin it does colour my judgement, I do love my nephew but he's becoming very spoilt and mummied, guess I need to chill the f**k out like dh says!

OP’s posts: |
headinhands Thu 08-Dec-16 12:48:33

Your dn blowing out a candle doesn't stop it being your ds's birthday. It's akin to pregnant women getting upset when someone else announces they're expecting.

giantpurplepeopleeater Thu 08-Dec-16 12:50:24

Its a tradition in our house that after the birthday child has blown out the candles the other kids get to blow then out once they've been re-lit. There are 4 cousins, all under 6. I find it cute. And the kids love it.

Personally I think YABU and a bit mean

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 08-Dec-16 12:51:49

At 5 your nephew should understand birthday etiquette. It is frankly bizarre that he wanted the candles on someone elses case lit so that he could blow them out, and I have my judgy pants blocked right up that nanny went and lit a special candle just for him to blow out.

He (nephew) sounds like a spoilt and over indulged child.


AnnieAnoniMouse Thu 08-Dec-16 12:52:22


That would be good for my waistline 😬

HouseworkIsASin10 Thu 08-Dec-16 12:52:52

YABU after the birthday kid we always re-lit for the young ones.

headinhands Thu 08-Dec-16 12:53:05

"Making it about them"

He blew out a candle. I wouldn't want my dc to think they were such a special snowflake that no one else was able to be acknowledged in any way on their birthday.

He's hardly spoiled.

Footinmouthasusual Thu 08-Dec-16 12:56:41

After all that spit/blowing House are you brace enough to eat the cake grin

ghostspirit Thu 08-Dec-16 12:57:12

In my head I have a pic your ds has happy birthday was sang
.candles blown out. You went to kitchen. Nephewbasks to blow out candles you say no. He tells nan. Nan lights up a single candle to.blow out...everyone is happy I doubt your ds would have even noticed. I don't think it's really an issue. I'm.sure ds enjoyed his dayou that's what matters smile

purplefizz26 Thu 08-Dec-16 12:57:49

YABU about the candles.

I always let other young kids have a turn after my DD.

She likes to have a turn at other birthdays too. Nobody I know ever seems bothered and does the same. As long as the birthday child does the first candles after singing, what does it matter?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Thu 08-Dec-16 13:00:52

I agree with the others. At dd's recent birthday (a bit younger than your child) all the little children were blowing out the candles while we sang happy birthday and i frantically tried to light them again. I thought it was funny!

I only had one match though so it would not have been funny if dd hadn't got to blow them out at the end. Luckily my backside was significant enough to act as a windbreak when I got close enough to dd.

bunnylove99 Thu 08-Dec-16 13:02:15

Blowing out candles is tremendous fun for young children. I thought everyone let the other children do this at parties (after the birthday boy/girl goes first.)

Chewie1986 Thu 08-Dec-16 13:02:58

Bloody hell, who cares.

He did it after your child, does it matter? Really? You felt this vociferous about it you needed to post on the internet about it.


maddiemookins16mum Thu 08-Dec-16 13:04:46

This is about more than the candles though isn't it (we always light again for others to have a go - within reason of course).
YAB a bit U about the candles but possibly not about the other stuff.

Pineapplemilkshake Thu 08-Dec-16 13:08:08

This would annoy me too. It's up there with buying the non-birthday sibling a present too, in case they feel left out.

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