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Abused children of social workers * trigger warning

(21 Posts)
DailyNameChange Tue 06-Dec-16 10:52:26

Can't think of a better title sorry. But this is a thread inspired by a thread, I hope that's OK.

My name is somewhat tounge in cheek, but I name change frequently and sometimes post, sometimes not, have never started a thread. I remember penis beaker and all those free goats benefit scammers get.

I may limit what I post, due to sensitive nature.

In the thread about middle class families several posters spoke about their own experiences with s/w. Several saying ss should have been involved when they were at risk children, or posters talking about how they are involved in their now.

I was a child of two social workers, abandoned by one, abused and neglected by the other, and then sexually abused by her colleague.

I guess I am woundering anyone else experiences either as children of s/w who were abused/neglected and either should have had offical s/w involvement or children removed from s/w parents or perhaps posters who are s/w who have other s/w involved in their families (from whatever reason).

I guess the 'mc' s/w thread got me thinking if we don't here about mc families with s/w involvevent, my experience is most definitely never heard of. But I doubt I can be the only one either.

No axe to grind, within my career I have worked with as many amazing s/w's as useless, and I have never known of any like my parents, but ofcourse no one knew about them either.

mumineedawee Tue 06-Dec-16 12:00:36

So sad to read your post.

When I worked at a nursery, we cared for a little boy whose mum was/is a sw. He was always hungry, tired, dirty, etc. Nothing was ever done about it.

Whenever we reported our concerns to our supervisor, he would minimalise the issues and recommend that we attended reflective practice training (I kid you not) as he said that we were judgemental.

I've always wondered what happened to that little boy sad

allowlsthinkalot Tue 06-Dec-16 12:04:04

Yes. Not to the same degree as you but there was an alcoholic father a sw mum who couldn't cope, emotional and physical abuse and an incident of sexual assault. All still denied to this day.

JellyBelli Tue 06-Dec-16 12:06:28

An ex friend of mine is the emotionally abused daughter of a female social worker who went on to emotionally abuse her own child. she was also sexually abused by a very trusted family friend who was in a position of trust, and that was covered up.
Her daughter is the school bully. She has never been able to do a single thing to please her mother and has given up trying.

SS were involved in my childhood several times, I was never even interviewed. If they had checked my medical records they would have seen evidence of abuse.

CynicSyndrome Fri 24-Mar-17 00:32:53

DailyNameChanger,

I'm sorry to hear about what you went through. I'm also sorry to say that I too am the child of a social worker. My single mother spent my entire child hood in school for social work, ending up with her MSW by the time I finished high school. My sister and I were extremely neglected and alone much of each day. My sister is 28 now and still has issues with basic life skills, despite attempts to correct this. My half brother was born when I was 13 and his father was not around at all. Any time I would try to discipline him as the eldest and only male, my mother wouldn't allow it. She would threaten to call the police on me if I laid a hand on him. He went on to have rage issues, suicidal thoughts, bursts of cutting himself, having the cops called by my mother and others, and even father his own child. Today he was arrested as an accomplice to arson at 17yrs old.

The system is soo broken. We need to let parents do their job. We need to demand that they do it. I wish the contrary nature of the system was explained that easily, but we all know the backwards nonsense that goes on in all areas of government. The rules are almost always contrary to the expectations of you. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Humanity Must Advance In Order To Survive.

-CynicSyndrome

Wriggler79 Fri 24-Mar-17 06:35:22

My niece by (ex)marriage is the granddaughter of a social worker who has worked with vulnerable young adults, and who even now shares posts from the NSPCC about the warning signs of abuse on her Twitter account.
My teenage niece is no longer in contact with any of the family as she was badly abused/let down by all its members. She has now moved towards my town and has been helped to set up her own house by SS. Her mum (SW''s eldest daughter) was abusing alcohol and there was no food in the house, niece was struck/pushed/throttled, and has recently (with great difficulty) disclosed details of sexual abuse by mum's ex partner at age 12.
Grandmother (SW) was aware of mum's drinking but still accepted her lies about niece 'going off the rails', complaining daughter didn't discipline her correctly (I heard about this from grandmother/MIL at the time). Looking back, I can't believe she didn't see the signs and act on them. Her daughter had moved to a strange town to be with a much older man with then 12yr old niece. She was drinking heavily. Yet I was the only family member who offered to take niece on when SS needed a place for her to stay, a few years later. Grandmother appears to have written her off as a wayward teenager and is no longer in touch. Niece was contacted by her mum recently (who should not have had her number) and was visibly upset/shaken. Mum called her when drunk.
I'm going to the doctors with her next week as she has not been able to tell anyone else about the abuse and the apparent PTSD she now has from this. I'm devastated as I knew her but hadn't really seen her at the time (had 3 young children, a horrible marriage and MH issues over that time but it's no excuse). Just wasn't aware due to being told how bad and rebellious she was; all 2nd hand lies. I'm now trying to help her get treatment and supporting emotionally/making nice dinners etc to cheer her up and make her feel 'looked after'.
Grandmother seems to live in a 'naice' little bubble and appears not to have wanted to involve herself. I've been separated from her EA son a few years now. Can't believe she used to make derisive comments about my parenting (kids are fine, only negative is they are a bit spoiled as doted on by many family members). Suppose it's easy to judge other peoples' situation but less so when you're involved.
...sorry about the long post! I've wanted to get this off my chest for a couple of weeks now.

AnUnhappyStudent Fri 24-Mar-17 07:24:59

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sharksscareme Fri 24-Mar-17 07:28:29

Don't you dare come on a supportive thread with your biscuits. Report the thread if you've a problem with it.

OP, I will go if you want it to be just about SWs but as someone with very middle class and professional parents who still suffered due to their alcoholism and at times bizarre at times bullying behaviour, I sympathise.

It's made me wary of facades that I know exist in the middle classes.

AnUnhappyStudent Fri 24-Mar-17 08:05:16

Its AIBU not relationships!!! I think SW get bashed enough in the media hence the biscuit. So fwiw yes I think YABU

liquidrevolution Fri 24-Mar-17 08:25:48

MIL was a sw. All three of her children are on anti d's amd suffer from anxiety. She is massively involved in their lives which suffocates them so they are unable to function as adults. But apparently she is the "best mum ever' confusedhmm

I also learnt recently that she had a temper when dh was growing up and would just explode. Apparently not done it for years until recently when she exploded at 4yrold dnephew. Dh had to go over and sort it out but they have all refused to speak about it since.

For other reasons contact on their own with DD is limited to emergencies only. Am so glad i have this stance. Even though people are confused as PIL seem 'so nice'.

However whether this is because she was a sw i have no idea.

picklemepopcorn Fri 24-Mar-17 08:38:51

This is an old thread, in case anyone cares. FWIW, SWs have a pretty stressful job and are at risk of becoming desensitised.

picklemepopcorn Fri 24-Mar-17 08:39:18

Not that old though, I suppose!

AnUnhappyStudent Fri 24-Mar-17 08:40:52

Ah thanks for the heads up, hadn't noticed!

HecateAntaia Fri 24-Mar-17 08:52:12

why the biscuit in response to people talking abuse they have suffered?

the op wrote about sexual abuse of her by her parents colleague. neglect and abuse of her by her own parents

and your response was biscuit and accusations of sw bashing.

when someone is in the profession yet abuses or ignores the abuse of their own child, why should that not be spoken of?

its ok to 'bash' something 'bashworthy'

its not ok to biscuit someone because they speak out about their abuse, simply because their abuser was a sw.

AnUnhappyStudent Fri 24-Mar-17 09:30:43

As I pointed out this is AIBU and I thought she was BU in making it about social workers rather than the fact she was abused. However this became more about social workers per se than the abuse.

So social workers are bashworthy then? On what do you base that? the fact that the media perpetuate the assumption that social workers are to blame when a child dies or do you have something else to base this on? Social workers do an incredibly hard job and many face abuse/assault on a regular basis yet they are continually scapegoated when something goes wrong. Why do we not hear the same comments in regards to the police, teachers, the judiciary or other professions? because its easy and lazy to blame social workers that's why, rather then the fact that people choose to abuse or misuse their power. When was the last time we heard about social workers doing a good job?

HecateAntaia Fri 24-Mar-17 09:38:20

Not sw. Abusers.
Abuse is 'bashworthy'
And you very well know that is what i was saying.
The issue the op was attempting to discuss was people whose profession involves caring for abuse victims and getting them out of situations being themselves abusers in their personal lives. And how someone can be both an abuser and a professional charged with protecting others from abuse.

It is not about all sw. It is nothing more than the individuals it applies to.

And certainly people in other professions who have this complete contradiction are discussed. Police officers who are on dv task forces who it is discovered are beating their wives for example. This has been discussed.

A discussion about individual behaviour and personal v professional life incompatibilities and hypocrisies is not the same thing as criticising an entire profession baselessly and with some soet of bashing that profession agenda and should not be dismissed as such.

AnUnhappyStudent Fri 24-Mar-17 10:23:41

Read the thread!!! Of 17 reponses 5 of which appear to be you and disagreeing, Social workers are mentioned 9 times.

picklemepopcorn Fri 24-Mar-17 11:38:06

To be fair student, the OP is asking about whether anyone else has experience of SWs failing to protect/care for their children.

It's a valid question. Same as teachers and doctors I suppose. The expectation is that people in those professions would recognise abuse and protect children from it rather than allowing it or perpetrating it.

It's a bit like asking 'Who polices the police?'.

HecateAntaia Fri 24-Mar-17 11:56:38

5 of which appear to be me? What the fuck are you on about?

Of course social workers are mentioned on a thread where the op is talking about her abuse at the hands of her parents who happened to be social workers and their social worker colleague who sexually abused her and where the op is asking specifically about the issue of abusers who are in a profession that deals with protecting people from abuse.
<
I have no idea what is wrong with you and frankly i dont care. You biscuited an abuse victim for wanting to discuss how her abusers could choose to be abusers while also being part of a profession trained to and tasked with protecting people from abuse. Im not engaging with you further.

AnUnhappyStudent Fri 24-Mar-17 12:27:40

Yes dear, go have a brew and a biscuit

talksensetome Fri 24-Mar-17 12:58:32

I imagine that when faced with horrendous abuse it skews what they see as normal? Certainly no excuse at all but could go someway to explaining it?

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