AIBU re mistake on post natal hospital notes?

[Witch91]

I had my 5 day post CS check today with the midwife. DD is in NICU as she was born at 29+5 but doing ok. All was fine until the last question - 'how are things at home?' I said they were fine then talked about how my mum has been doing some cleaning, and we have decided that DH will wait to take his paternity leave until DD is going to be home, but is WFH this week so he is around to support me, and be able to see DD.

Midwife looked a bit confused. She turned to the front of my notes and showed me a highlighted yellow tick, and said 'are you aware of the tick system we use?' I had noticed it but had no idea what it meant. She said it is the signal they use to indicate the woman has reported incidences of domestic violence, and asked me if I had ever reported anything. I said categorically not, that I had been asked the standard question at the booking appointment, but had said no, and that I had not reported anything since, and had never needed to.

The midwife was very apologetic, and she scribbled over the tick whilst explaining to me why the system was so important (which I do of course understand). At the time I laughed it off as a silly mistake, but the more I have thought about it, the more it has upset me.

I was thinking about nurses on the antenatal ward, or at any other point seeing my DH with me and judging him as abusive. I was also thinking about what if it had been the other way round, and the tick wasn't on someone's file where it was really needed. I think I need to speak to the NICU staff to make sure nothing has been recorded there, which seems awful.

So, would I be unreasonable to send an email to the local PALs for this to be investigated further? Or do I just let it go as midwife apologised and will probably look into it further anyway. My hormones and emotions are all over the place today, so I can't work it out. I haven't mentioned it to DH as I think he will be really upset, and he has been so wonderful over a really difficult 5 days.

Sorry this is so long. What do you all think?

[Haggisfish]

I would phone pals to inform them. I wouldn't tell dh.

[PeteSwotatoes]

I would make a complaint. If the system is so important, mistakes like that should not really be possible, and they obviously need to tighten up.

[CatchingBabies]

This will definitely be looked into! The tick system is a vital tool for highlighting those women at risk without their partners being aware so for it to be misused is really serious.

[bobbinpop]

I agree with haggisfish. Definitely don't tell DH; it may leave an unnecessary shadow over significant, happy memories.

[bobbinpop]

By the way, I found 3-5 days after my csection the hardest. I cried a lot! Possibly best to leave the decision for another day if it's weighing you down.

[EveOnline2016]

I wouldn't complain but that's because I have huge anxiety issues and depression.

In my mind I would see it as making a big deal about nothing and it was corrected in front on me. If I kicked up a fuss it may be seen as DH trying to control the issue and red flags waving on the HCP part.

I know it illogical but reporting would make me a nervous wreck, do you feel like you can go ahead with the complaint.

[nephrofox]

I would make pals aware of the issue

I would also wonder why the midwife was so keen to cross it out... its not beyond reason that a woman would deny something previously admitted to

[EveOnline2016]

Btw talk to DH.

He sounds like a very supportive husband and partners are there to share worries with.

[Northernlurker]

This is what pals is for. You have a concern, fair enough to air it. I wouldn't tell your husband. No need to upset him and no need for you to dwell on it.

[GlitterGlue]

I think you should complain. Not only did you get an unnecessary tick, but someone else's might have been missed. It might just be an unfortunate error, but it could also be a training issue.

[OldRosesDoomed]

I would complain and request a letter of apology otherwise this could be on your permanent record and that of your children forever. You should tell your dh too so you can both present a united front.

[tallwivglasses]

Please do. I had an issue I wanted to tell pals about but life got in the way and I just let it go. I regret that now.

[tallwivglasses]

Like you said - it's more to make sure that they put the ticks in the right boxes in the future.

[minisoksmakehardwork]

I would definitely report it via PALS. My overriding concern wouldn't be that dh had been wrongly accused, although I would actually want an apology for him because I wouldn't not want others judging him wrongly, but that another women who had been brave enough to tell her mw of her abuse was then left without vital support because the wrong file had been marked.

TBH knowing dh as I do, that would also be his first concern.

But I do agree that this is not something you need to share with your husband right now.

[OldRosesDoomed]

Why wouldn't the op share this with her partner. Being unable to do so is a red flag.

[user1477282676]

I agreeRose...odd suggestion not to tell her DH. He's her main support!

OP is there anything at all he or you may have said on the ward that's made this happen?

I'm only asking so you can brush it off if it comes up and you're NOT being abused.

[TeatimeForTheSoul]

I'm so sorry thus has happened to you both.

Please tell PALS when you feel able. I work in NHS and we encourage this sort of reporting because it's the best way to get errors taken notice of, and stop them from happening again. PALS should support you and do all the appropriate communication for you.

I'm a bit biased as I has a rubbish time (long story) while I was in my local mat unit and have always regretted not reporting it as I didn't know about PALS then.

[Northernlurker]

Nobody is saying she can't tell her dh, he sounds lovely. And as a lovely perso n she is concerned he will be upset that the staff he's depended on to help his wife and baby may have mistakenly thought he was abusive. So she can deal with this without telling him.

[Pollaidh]

Report it to PALS - could be training issue, and worrying that a woman and baby at risk might have been missed somehow. I made a complaint to PALS last year and they sorted the problem within weeks with new training, new signs, new procedures, and great communication with me. I saw the results in action too.

(It was a seemingly small issue that all the soap and alcohol gels in outpatients were empty. I mean every single one. We reported it to reception and they did nothing about it. This was in a centre for high risk individuals who pick up infections very easily and can die from them. I was really annoyed (1) at the risk and (2) because I've been involved in funding R&D on new tech to minimise hospital acquired infections, it cost a fortune, but basic hygiene is one of the biggest weapons we have, and it was being completely ignored.) Anyway. Rant over.

[GinIsIn]

witch - I had a similar thing with my notes. I moved to a different NHS trust at 22 weeks, and it turns out that not only had the old trust got my birthdate, the fact that it's my first pregnancy and my husband's phone no wrong, they'd ticked 'social concerns' on the notes. New NHS trust were very confused as to what those might be and it has taken 6 weeks for the old NHS trust to confirm that it was a mistake and I am not at risk in any way. I'm still wondering what to do about it to be honest.

[Witch91]

I told my DH as I was getting more and more upset about it. He was concerned that the mistake had been made and might be reflected elsewhere, but also that someone who needs it isn't there. Mostly he was upset because it has upset me so much.

I'm going to speak to the nurse in charge on NICU tomorrow to check our DDs records and get advice about what else we should be doing. I don't want to let it go and find out we have a SS referral or something further down the line.

[OhTheRoses]

I think that's wise but would advise you to follow it up in writing.

FWIW midwives made all sorts of errors in my notes.

[AlcoChocs]

I would inform PALS in writing, in our area we can do this via email.
There may be a computer record for you and the baby, often a code is used for domestic violence concerns and this is shared with GP and HV.