To feel that men can be such twats to female colleagues at work?

(3 Posts)
Pollyanna9 Tue 29-Nov-16 19:00:24

I'm a manager - a specific type of manager. I have been given a guy to work with who's to go out to train people. He's VERRRRY experienced (apparently, and his CV would support that). Have got on v well with him to this point. Off he goes to conduct training today, the first session, having had the very fullest support and preparation from me and every opportunity to ask questions including maps of the site that he had to go to, where the nearest caf is, best place to park etc (proper TLC). He's accompanied me on my training sessions to see how it's done and knows how the software involved works.

I get a call from another manager totally out of the blue having heard nothing from my guy (this other manager technically 'supplies' this guy to this role, but I'm the manager of this 'thing', this piece of work, and I've been preparing him and working with him to do the role). "Oooh, we need to pull him from this training, this was wrong, that was wrong, the preparation of the team wasn't done well yada yada yada".

The fact is:
It was ALL done right (I absolutely 100% guarantee you - you'll just have to believe me smile)
All he had to to do was phone me with the questions he had (but he didn't) - last thing I said to him was "ANY problems at all, just give me a ring"

The assumption was made that because I hadn't left obvious, overt, billboard sized evidence of all the preparation work I'd done on the location he was going to train in meant that I hadn't done any preparation at all. I had. I'd briefed the managers, I'd booked dates and times for the training I did, I'd attended a staff meeting and talked about the software involved, and I'd already been on and trained 5 of the staff mysef.

So I get comments like this:
- "I know it's just you managing this 'thing' - at such and such a place (who are doing this same 'thing' as me) they've got 4 people doing it!" (thus obviously inferring that something must be lacking)
- "It's not personal" - no, too right mate, it isn't, you've dissed my professional competence, this 'man' I'm managing has been a proper fairy who is only training staff 1:1 and wants 100% compliant Stepford wife-style students who are 100% into what we're doing and 100% receptive - anyone who's done training will know that there are always folk who are resistant to new things so it's not uncommon to have to help people to come on side and win them over as you train them

The inference is that you're an overly emotional woman (I'm not, you're telling me I've been incompetent at my job you wanker - which I'm NOT!!!). I'm not over-emotional, you're a pair of asshats and you're telling me (despite repeatedly telling me that you're not telling me) that I've failed to do something which I have actually done. Actually it's your soft trainer that's a right big old cissy pants who doesn't seem able to cope with any issues that come up (which are typical in software training) - despite this massive skill he's got and 'he's been round the block and done this stuff for years' - once again, inference being that I've not been 'round the block' myself and got loads of experience. The issues he described were common and entirely manageable.

And oh how the laddy vibe goes down (even in those in their fifties!). This 'trainer' person is no longer his full name "Alistair" to the other manager (names changed to protect the not innocent of course), oh no, this man is now "Al". Give me a fucking break.

I guarantee you if I was a man they would not have made half the comments they made the stupid idiotic twits.

WyfOfBathe Tue 29-Nov-16 19:10:35

I don't think it's just men. I work in a very female-dominated environment (teaching) and there are still people who take every opportunity to question their managers. And I'm not sure that having nicknames is what makes a place "laddy" to be honest - several of my female colleagues have nicknames for each other and I don't find that weird - to me, laddy would be inappropriate/sexist jokes or being rough, which I would have a problem with.

If you have a problem with someone you're in charge of, you should act to resolve this (e.g. speak to another manager).

Henrysmycat Tue 29-Nov-16 19:29:29

I work in a extremely male dominated environment. This shit goes down every day. It's been 15 years and I still fight it. I've heard people complain that I got positions because I have big boobs and pretty face or because I'm a foreigner. Heard that I'm a bitch or I'm too emotional. I'm neither.
They whine and whine but they forget to mention my PhD from the top university in the UK or my abilities. It's a struggle every single day but you know what? Someone needs to start cracking the glass ceiling so I may as well give it a good bashing so future generations of women can shatter it to smithereens. Chin up girl. Don't get mad, get better.

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