Daughter visiting Dad issue..

[mumto2two]

Just a quick background. I split with my ex when my eldest was 1..she is now 17 and we've always had a good warm relationship. Used to Christmas together etc and he always remained close to my family. All changed when he met his partner 4 years ago. DD has always felt pushed aside. She has two kids similar age and they don't get on at all. Both have massive issues, eating disorders and self harm etc. DD finds this terribly strange and has nothing in common with them. My ex bought a house for them to move in together..and they each got a room but DD was expected to share the daughter's bed when she goes to stay. Even though her son lives with the Dad and only stays occasionally, he was given his own room. This had always upset her. Prior to that her dad had a lovely girly bedroom for her and as we live nearby, she happily stayed with him as often as they liked. And she was happy. But since they moved in together, she has felt totally alienated, and now just refuses point blank to sleep in this girls bed at 17. So she's avoiding going to see her Dad now and I feel sad that things have changed this way. Should I say anything? DD won't talk to him about it as she thinks they are too wrapped up in each other to notice or care.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

I would think it most usual for your DD to share with the girl rather than the boy and girl share. I do think she should have her own bed though.

At 17 she can obviously chose not to go though and it may be better if she spoke to her Dad about why rather than you do it on her behalf. Would he listen to her?

[OzzieFem]

Not comfortable for either girl to be sharing the same bed! What is your ex thinking fgs?

[mumto2two]

Yes I agree it is preferable to share with the girl. But I do too, feel that the bed share is a bit unreasonable, I'm just unsure as to whether I am within reasonable means to say something, after all their living arrangements are not really my business. But it upsets DD very much, and she doesn't feel comfortable raising it.
Unbelievably, on a recent holiday this summer, their first together as a family, they expected DD to share with both the sister and the boy in one hotel room..and he is the same age as DD. My daughter loathes him, and this was way too much for her. And she is a very well developed teenage girl! Looks much older than her years, I just cannot fathom why they cannot see that it was inappropriate. Awkward to say the least