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To just go home.

(9 Posts)
user1478260362 Tue 29-Nov-16 10:32:03

To jus go back home.

I moved from my hometown of Wales to Manchester to study. Whist on my course I got pregnant. I always intended to complete my course and return to Wales to live in my Parents house. I had to move from my Student accommodation and in some ways I wish I’d just private rented with my Partner or stayed with his Mum while on the course but I didn’t trust my Partner to support us as he was always job hopping so I accepted a Housing association House once my Son was 2 weeks old. Before that I spent some time in temporary accommodation. It’s a lovely house. Two double bedrooms, large garden, front garden. We have mainly owner occupiers on this small estate and there’s a low crime rate here. But, there is NOTHING here. No supermarket, cafes, nothing. Theres a small and expensive co-op and an independent run cafe and that’s it.

I have made no friends here at all. I’m someone who makes friends easily but I don’t work or socialise here so I’m never going to. I’ve been here 4 years now and know no one despite attending several toddler groups and adults classes. I find you have to actually ask someone out on a ‘friend date’ for them to become anything more than an acquaintance.

I made 6 close friends on my University Course in Central Manchester and was very happy while Studying. I also had to do several work placements which I greatly enjoyed. Now I’ve somehow managed to qualify through homelessness, unplanned pregnancy and post natal depression. I’m even receiving an award for my achievements. But I feel so so so incredibly bored and lonely here. I just want to go home!!!!

I live in Saddleworth now and there’s nothing here even though it’s considered quite nice. I have no idea what to do with myself all day. I miss my hometown. The trips with my childhood friends. My parents. My Brother and his Wife and my nieces. I have friends. They’re just not here!

My course friends moved back to their hometowns and the ones from Manchester have moved away. I have one close friend left who lives 14 miles away and who I see around once a month (thank god or I would have gone mad by now).

My days are filled with nothing. My Son goes to nursery 15 hours a week and I’m job hunting at the moment.

My problem is I’m a social worker and despite having excellent references and grades there are practically no social worker jobs or opportunities in the area I am from in Wales. The nearest would be an hour drive and I do not drive yet (having driving lessons). Also, I cannot get a swap for my house here in Manchester even though it’s lovely. No one from Wales seems to want to move which I find odd as I would have thought where I live now was more desirable. I can’t even find a newly qualified agency position anywhere near my Parents house.

So for now I’m stuck here. Luckily there are plenty of opportunities in Manchester so I’m hopeful I can find somewhere soon.

But I don’t know if I want to stay here amy longer. With no where to go, no one to speak to. I’m wasting my life here. Should I just pack my bags and go? Leaving my Council house, my job opportunities ? I can’t imagine ever settling here. I’m not happy. I am chronically lonely and that no good for a Single Mum of 25. Would I be unreasonable/unwise to just go home? My parents think I would be daft to give up the opportunity of the right to buy, the chance to get a newly qualified position and feel I should probably move when I’ve bought my house and got experience as there’s opportunities in Wales once you have several years of experience.

They have also said once I have a permanent job and I’ms settled they will move to me as they own their house outright so they can move to anywhere neat my permanent job I like (I would choose something more desirable than I am now and would be able to help with my Son's childcare while I'm at work (both retired).

But I don’t know how long all that will take and honestly, how many years would I be wasting being miserable. Shall I just leave everything and go home? I just want to go home.

user1477282676 Tue 29-Nov-16 11:47:43

This all sounds very wearing for you. flowers The first thing I would say is that the age your son is at, is often a very lonely time for many Mothers.

It certainly was for me. They still require so much time and energy that you feel as though you'll never have a moment or be yourself again.

Looking at your situation through the cold lens of age...(I'm 44 and my children are now 12 and 8)

I would say to stay right where you are.

You work you it a good job with prospects? At such a young age...25 is very young should be thinking about your career as well as your future home and while your current situation isn't ideal, it's a lot more suitable for self growth than Wales is...I'm also from Wales...North I know what it's like there.

How ofren do you get to visit your family in Wales?

user1477282676 Tue 29-Nov-16 11:48:20

Also meant to add...when your son is in school, you will find things improve vastly. You will more than likely make friends with his friends parents too.

Tenshidarkangel Tue 29-Nov-16 12:04:08

I used to live in South Wales and job prospects aren't great there at all. Very few people seem to leave due to large families being in the same area.
Can you find something that's closer to Wales but in a better location? Maybe Shropshire way or around Bristol? That way you're in a better location and in closer commute to your family but still able to find work?

NattyTile Tue 29-Nov-16 12:20:32

Stay whilst you get your driving license at least, which will open up more doors to you in Wales.

user1478260362 Tue 29-Nov-16 15:56:40

I'm from North Wales. There are social services jobs but only for experienced social workers :-(

FlopIsMyParentingGuru Tue 29-Nov-16 16:03:20

You might find it easier to make friends when your DC starts school. I've made lots that way

user1478260362 Tue 29-Nov-16 16:08:39

Logically everything is better in Manchester. But I am incredibly unhappy here and very very lonely. I'm not sure my mental health could take anymore.

I think my Parents should move up here to be honest. They own their home outright and could buy a new one easily. In two years theyre both entitled to a state pension too so no need to look for work.

If I could drive I could even stay where I am and travel to them so they could still live in a nicer place and I could eventually move.

However, I have a disabled brother and they dont want to leave him. I'm hoping he could move up too but all he knows is Wales. I miss my Parents too much to every be happy living away from them. I don't have a partner and probably never will so they are my only family as I'm not close of extended family.

I guess you're right though. I've made a life here in a sense. I have a house and prospects here. :-(

Tenshidarkangel Tue 29-Nov-16 16:53:56

Nothing is permanent OP. You'll find a way to make it work. smile

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