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To want Hubby to say no?

(20 Posts)
SassyPants19 Tue 29-Nov-16 09:26:47

I'm gutted, I've got that heavy feeling of disappointment. My hubby works away and is due home on Thursday morning for 4days only, before he has to fly off again for a weeks course. Now, he's been gone for 6weeks and in that time I have dealt with two bouts of D&V, a teething 9month old, a major dog operation and an unexpected pregnancy that resulted in a termination last week. Is it any surprise that when my husband FaceTimed this morning to say the company want him to stay an extra week and what did I think - that I was quite frankly sick with disappointment. I've put in for permission to take my daughter out of school for 2days, we're staying in my in laws London house, we've got friends coming on the Saturday for a whole xmas day of fun and sleepover at the house. It was an opportunity to have some actual quality family time that's sodding scarce at the best of times.

AIBU to ask him to say no to the extra time and just come home to be a father and husband?

BakeOffBiscuits Tue 29-Nov-16 09:29:01


He shouldn't even be asking with everything you've been dealing with!
Tell him he needs to come home as planned.

OwlinaTree Tue 29-Nov-16 09:29:24

YANBU. Does he realistically have the choice though? If he says 'that's difficult for me as we have already made plans for that weekend' will his work respect that?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Tue 29-Nov-16 09:30:52

I think you need him more than his work do!

SassyPants19 Tue 29-Nov-16 09:32:24

He says the company have given him the choice...

There's the issue of having an extra 7 tax days in the bag but they can be made up with travel days over the next year.

BastardGoDarkly Tue 29-Nov-16 09:37:03

If he's got the choice, of course you should say... you're fucking joking right?!.... why didn't you at the time?

SassyPants19 Tue 29-Nov-16 09:45:54

Bastardgodarkly i'm the least** confrontational person going...

BastardGoDarkly Tue 29-Nov-16 09:56:01

He's your husband though love, why should it be a confrontation? He surely knows the time you've been having, did you just smile and say...ok, whatever you decide?.... you need to work on the martyrdom flowers

trappedinsuburbia Tue 29-Nov-16 10:01:31

Just tell him you want him home then, my brother works away all over the world and I know his wife finds it a strain at times and they don't have kids in the mix as well.
My brother always says yes to extra work as its big money for them but I know he hates missing out on prearranged stuff (but i get some freebie nights out filling in for him grin)

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila Tue 29-Nov-16 10:04:25

But it's not confrontation OP, just tell him you would like him home.

Unless it turns into an argument every time does it?

Trifleorbust Tue 29-Nov-16 10:05:33

YANBU, tell him you want him to come home now.

steppemum Tue 29-Nov-16 11:50:01

just text him now and say, you need him home, the last few weeks have been tough, you were looking forward to a nice family time weekend and sometimes family must come before work.

It is very important to speak up for yourself. It really isn't confrontation if it is to someone who loves you. He is not a mind reader. This is one of those times when saying I need you is important.

ofudginghell Tue 29-Nov-16 11:57:24


Can you not send a text or whatsapp just saying your really looking forward to some down time with him and your friends etc as you've really had a rough time and would be gutted if it doesn't happen?
He probably just hasn't thought too much about how it is as he isn't the one who has organised it all and he's away so isn't the one dealing with what you have had to deal with.
Make him aware of how your feeling so he can make the right choice here

SassyPants19 Tue 29-Nov-16 12:10:50

It's not so much that I'm afraid of confrontation moreover I'm just so utterly laid back about most stuff and in the past when this has happened, I've just gone with it. But on this occasion...I'm just not willing to forgo another week without him.

GeorgeTheThird Tue 29-Nov-16 12:12:50

So did you tell him that?

SpookyPotato Tue 29-Nov-16 12:37:44

YANBU at all. Put your easygoingness aside (I'm the same!) this time and tell him you want him home.

steppemum Tue 29-Nov-16 12:57:09

Sassy - as he hasn't been with you, he probably doesn't realise how much the last few weeks have taken out of you. If you are normally laid back, happy to change plans etc, he is going on that. As I said, he isn't a mind reader, and you just need to tell him.

StefCWS Tue 29-Nov-16 13:02:25

Can you ask him this once to be a dad and husband first rather than putting work first. People seem to forget really easily, we work to live, not live to work!! Id be disappointed too sassy :-(

SassyPants19 Tue 29-Nov-16 14:11:09

It's done! Thankyou for the words of support - sometimes you just need to have someone else give their perspective. He clearly didn't quite appreciate just how physically and emotionally epic the termination was for me and how important this weekend away as a family was to myself and the children. Once the penny dropped he was very understanding and apologetic for even contemplating an extra week away. I guess ignorance is bliss from the other side of the world. Thanks again ladies.

BastardGoDarkly Tue 29-Nov-16 14:42:57

Ah, excellent! Hope you have a lovely time 😊

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