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To cancel visit because of DS operation?

(24 Posts)
DYRK1a Tue 29-Nov-16 01:59:49

We were due to visit my home town with DH and 3 DC for Christmas.
My DB and DSIL, DF and elder DB all in hometown. DM died 2 years ago so going home is difficult enough.
Last visit was January for DB birthday.

We have a disabled DS. Every time we seem to do this journey DS ends up having clonic tonic seizure and we end up in a hospital up north.

This year DS has spent lots of time in hospital and we have had to cancel an important operation on his eyes. He has microcephaly so small head and small tubes so his tear ducts constantly get blocked and his eyes become glued shut and due to his disabilities ( and the fact they are glued shut) it's really difficult to get his eyes open. We've been waiting for the operation since February (totally different AIBU) and now been given date of 20th Dec for op.

Here we go ....... AIBU to cancel our trip up north because we can't risk DS being poorly again and having to cancel op again ? I know my family are disappointed but surely my kids come first !!!! I want my boy to be able to open his eyes!

dailyfailplagiarism Tue 29-Nov-16 02:09:25

Your son comes first every single time. Hope the operation goes well.

steff13 Tue 29-Nov-16 02:11:04

You aren't unreasonable to cancel. They aren't unreasonable to be disappointed.

GreatFuckability Tue 29-Nov-16 02:18:56

If you were my sibling I would totally understand that your sons needs are more important right now.
I hope it goes well x

MommaGee Tue 29-Nov-16 02:26:32

They should understand whilst being disappointed that your children's health comes first. Good luck x

Butterymuffin Tue 29-Nov-16 02:28:42

No question, you have to prioritise the operation. They will (if reasonable people) totally understand this, even if they're disappointed.

Topseyt Tue 29-Nov-16 02:31:05

Of course you cancel in favour of your DS.

Absolutely no question.

user1837559372496 Tue 29-Nov-16 02:31:07

YANBU - simple as that really

MudCity Tue 29-Nov-16 02:51:22

YANBU. The surgery, and your son's health are.the priority here.

DixieWishbone Tue 29-Nov-16 02:56:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum Tue 29-Nov-16 03:02:37

Don't cancel, reschedule. You're sorry not be with them at Christmas but look forward to seeing them at half-term (or whenever). Hope you have a Merry Christmas at home.

CiderwithBuda Tue 29-Nov-16 03:06:02

Your son's health comes first. Every time.

You can't risk your son getting ill in the run up to the op and it potentially being delayed again. I'm sure your family are disappointed but I'm sure they understand. And if not you know what their priorities are.

Hope all goes well for your DS with his op. It sounds very stressful.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 29-Nov-16 03:07:58


To buy addtional time for your ds to recuperate, tell your family that you will plan another visit as soon as the surgeon gives the go ahead which may not be for a couple of months, or possibly more, after the op.

flowers Hoping the op goes well and that you all enjoy Christmas in your own home

ConvincingLiar Tue 29-Nov-16 07:11:25


SofiaAmes Tue 29-Nov-16 07:16:14

Absolutely cancel. As the parent of a chronically ill child with a (now ex) MIL who lives "up north" I feel extra strong about this recommendation. Every time we would go up to visit MIL, DS would get sick from all the smokers and the cold and the exhaustion from the trip. He often ended up in hospital. That's no way to spend a trip, especially not xmas.

YelloDraw Tue 29-Nov-16 07:39:37

God no, not U!

BlackeyedSusan Tue 29-Nov-16 07:44:03

yabu... for even thinking you have to ask. of course you have to cancel and put him first.

Hestheoneandonly Tue 29-Nov-16 08:35:18

Stay at home and enjoy Christmas without the stress.or maybe they could come and visit you over the Christmas new year period. Even if you all had perfect health it's annoying constantly traipsing round the country every Christmas my parents and in laws live at opposite ends of the country and we have friends spread out everywhere. There seems this sense from people who still live in the town they were born in everyone should come to visit them. Since having DS we have substantially cut back on the travel.

WouldHave Tue 29-Nov-16 08:39:45

Cancel. If they want to see you, they will need to do the travelling.

ohfourfoxache Tue 29-Nov-16 08:53:43

It's a no brainier- yanbu

kissmethere Tue 29-Nov-16 08:58:46

Of course yanbu.
Can you imagine saying to your relatives that you decided to visit instead of ds having his op? I'd think you were mad.
Your son comes first.

Mummytogg Tue 29-Nov-16 09:11:20

Put your son first. Our son is about to have lung surgury and can't have as much as a runny nose or they will cancel it. It's booked for 15th December and we have cancelled any large gatherings until then. I would rearrange something for the new year

Libitina Tue 29-Nov-16 09:35:03


ozboomoo Wed 30-Nov-16 09:54:48

Thanks everyone .... We've called and cancelled! They were understanding but .... They don't know if they can visit us!
I've offered half the diesel in payment !!!

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