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to think this is criminal? (abusive partner?)

(21 Posts)
adornorising Mon 28-Nov-16 21:53:57

My friend has been having a really tough time with her relationship. Her partner of 20 years cheated on her recently (for 6 months) and a matter of months later expects her to be completely over it. He's been awful to her and during the affair he was essentially trying to make her think she was going crazy.

She cannot leave him easily because she's 49, lives in Europe, doesn't speak the language of the country they live in very well (he's from there), gave up everything to move there with him about 15 years ago and her job (which is in English, but she has very limited other options due to previous experience and language) pays very, very little. He has refused to marry her in the past, but she loves him so it wasn't a problem. Now she's been thinking about leaving, she's realised just how screwed she is. She has no way of getting a job back in the UK and they also have a young teenage son together.

She's also very isolated, because they mainly socialise with his very large extended family.

After a series of events, all tied to her being supposed to forget his affair and act "normally" (like nothing has happened) and being severely criticised for not, she was suicidal last night. She ended up taking paracetamol and ibuprofen while he was there and he was egging her on, telling her she should take another one, telling her that it'd solve problems etc. She overdosed and has been very ill today. Says she's feeling better now, able to drink a bit of water, but tired.

So, this arsehole of a man is a (very experienced) PSYCHIATRIST. He KNEW the impact of what he was doing (and everything he's done so far) and the health implications of overdosing on paracetamol. He hasn't taken her to hospital, he's just ignoring her now, annoyed with her. I've spoken to her and asked her to at least phone the out of hours GP service there before she goes to bed..but I don't think she will because I think she wants to die (although that's unlikely to be the outcome). I am not close geographically, so I can't do much more than I have now, although I wish there was a lot more I could do.

Is this criminal, at least in the UK? He tried to kill her, in my opinion, and he has not assisted her when she's quite possibly going to be seriously impacted by this for the rest of her life. She couldn't have driven today, but he usually doesn't work Mondays, so I'm guessing he was around and if not, he certainly was this evening, so he could have taken her to the doctor.

Sorry this is a bit long, I'm so angry at this guy. My friend is one of these people who is so super sweet, very genuine and kind. He isn't even picking on someone his own "size".

Wolverbamptonwanderer Mon 28-Nov-16 21:57:18

This sounds terrible but it's not as easy as legal / illegal surely? Firstly, all that matters is what the law of their country is. Secondly what does it being illegal do, in terms of helping the situation? If you want to call the police you could do that because she has tried to kill herself, there doesn't need to be an additional act to justify it

Lelloteddy Mon 28-Nov-16 21:59:10

She NEEDS to seek medical attention. The full effects of her drug overdose may not yet be apparent. Depending on what she's taken she could still be in danger of death.
Can you contact police locally to where she is?

adornorising Mon 28-Nov-16 22:12:02

I've just realised I don't actually have her address (moved a few months ago). I've just got her mobile number, and it's off, because the whatsapps aren't delivered.

Wolverbamptonwanderer Mon 28-Nov-16 22:14:03

Aggg that's a shame for tonight. I don't think you have any choice but to wait until she contacts you sad

NightWanderer Mon 28-Nov-16 22:19:46

Yes, she should still see a doctor. A friends father tried to overdose on paracetamol but it didn't work. No one knew, then he later he died in his sleep. Can she come and stay with you for a short time to find her feet? Does she have any family in the U.K.? I'd forget about the police angle and work on encouraging her to move back to the UK. She may not be want to though.

adornorising Mon 28-Nov-16 22:20:37

I'm so worried about her.

As to what difference it makes if it's criminal or not. I guess in a way none. In another way, I'd like for him to be stripped of his professional accreditation and be put on trial for attempted murder!! How can a psychiatrist do that to someone who has loved him for 20 years?

adornorising Mon 28-Nov-16 22:21:25

I've told her she can come to stay with me anytime. I reiterated that this evening. But I don't think she will.

FooFighter99 Mon 28-Nov-16 22:32:20

Is there no one you can contact over there to report him? The police, British embassy or their version of social services?

adornorising Mon 28-Nov-16 22:42:34

But what do I report? She'd have to corroborate it.

However, she has been seeing a psychologist and perhaps if she tells the her the details she'll be forced to report to the appropriate bodies?

TheCakes Mon 28-Nov-16 22:42:41

Still call the police. They have ways of tracing people that we don't. I reported something I'd seen on my son's Instagram, with just a username, because I was concerned, and they tracked the kid down within a few hours.

TheCakes Mon 28-Nov-16 22:43:18

Sorry, cross post. You report a concern for welfare.

titchy Mon 28-Nov-16 22:46:14

I think getting her medical help is far more urgent than debating whether his behaviour was criminal or not. Paracetamol overdoes take days to kill...

ConvincingLiar Mon 28-Nov-16 22:47:23

If it was the UK, I'd report it to the gmc. I'd imagine the professional body in that country might be interested. Probably won't go very far if your friend denies it all though.

potatomama Mon 28-Nov-16 22:49:43

I'm sure I heard that encouraging someone else to commit suicide is illegal in the UK.
Also paracetamol overdose may not cause death for several days as it's a lingering liver-failure method - very unpleasant - so your friend still needs medical help ASAP!

Champagneformyrealfriends Mon 28-Nov-16 23:30:28

Didn't the police prosecute somebody recently for encouraging someone to commit suicide? Your friend needs to seek medical attention ASAP.

Rattusn Mon 28-Nov-16 23:42:59

It's definitely unethical, unprofessional, and probably illegal.

Is these events could be proven, he would likely lose his registration to practice medicine.

Can you seek advice from the British consulate in this country?

nocoolnamesleft Mon 28-Nov-16 23:58:58

First step = medical help. Right now. Tonight. If it was a significant amount of paracetamol (which we do not know one way or the other), then the window for saving her liver is shrinking very, very, fast. And paracetamol induced liver failure is a fucking nasty way to die.

mortgagefreesoon5 Tue 29-Nov-16 04:40:56

Google the phone number for the local police, explain your concern and they ll pay her a visit
I would just say you are concern about not being able to be in touch. Avoid saying anything against husband for the time being. You don't want him to see you as a menace hence isolating your friend any further from any help
Inviting her/ and her son for holiday is a good idea

Broken11Girl Tue 29-Nov-16 04:52:30

As pps said, paracetamol od can do serious damage to the liver, that takes days to become apparent. Please call the police. Given a name and phone number and approx area they should be able to trace her.

WelshMoth Tue 29-Nov-16 05:18:37

You have every right to be worried OP. He sounds menacing sad

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