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After 6 years to give up trying to get DD to eat my home cooking?

(83 Posts)
Careerchanger2017 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:33:33

My DD has never eaten much of her evening meal, when I ask her why she says she doesn't like it. The only meals she likes are chicken nuggets (frozen), fishfingers (frozen), breaded fish (frozen), sausage mash and veg, jackets beans and cheese, home made spaghetti bolognese and a pick and mix style salad. Aibu to just feed her these meals from now on? I'm sick of her refusing meals over and over and then going to bed complaining she is hungry. She won't even eat a roast dinner anymore she is getting worse as she grows up instead of better sad

Palomb Mon 28-Nov-16 21:38:31

Stop with the frozen stuff and she'll have to eat it.

BenefitsQuestions Mon 28-Nov-16 21:40:13

If I had the choice between healthy food and fish fingers I'd choose the frozen food any day of the year.

bumblingmum Mon 28-Nov-16 21:44:06

Perhaps feed her what she likes mon to fri for a stress free life and then attempt her to try new things on a weekend when there could be other people around to help?
It sounds like she eats veg so as long as there is a carb/veg/protein balance she'll be ok. Tastes change and she will surprise you once in a while by eating something new

Greengoddess12 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:45:11

Yes but not all kids will eat rather than not. Ds 1 was so bloody fussy at 6 and so was ds2. Grown up now they eat for England and ds2 is a trained chef.

Maybe have set meals for set days so she knows what's coming when and do just 2 frozen meals a week.

Don't despair op it gets better.

Also in my experience the kids who will eat anything and find food important often pile weight on in the teenage years.

d270r0 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:45:18

I wouldn't. Mine eat what they're given or no pudding and definitely nothing else. They do learn eventually. If you give up she'll always be picky.

Careerchanger2017 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:45:36

She only has freezer food on a Saturday, that's the only meal she eats all of the whole week, the rest of the week she has my home cooking and leaves most of it and goes to bed hungry. Sundays she cries because she hates roast so much?! My other daughter is fine and eats everything.

HubbleBubbles Mon 28-Nov-16 21:45:52

That sounds exactly like my dd- same age, same meals ...except you didn't mention pesto pasta!! grin I just go with it now tbh - dd eats plenty of fruit and will have veg / salad as long as it complies with her food "rules" (i.e. Cooked & raw carrots on the side fine, in a sauce not fine) She is a healthy weight (on slim side of normal) and I don't want to make food an issue for her.

Careerchanger2017 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:46:43

I've been trying for 6 years now and she is still only taking a few bites shock

maddiemookins16mum Mon 28-Nov-16 21:47:50

Nowt wrong with frozen food, doesn't everyone have a freezer. I'd do meals she likes and some bits she might not (with at least one part she will) if she leaves it then she's hungry (and I'm not for offering toast, fruit, extra cereal etc at bedtime either, what's the point). How old is she?

Careerchanger2017 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:48:47

greengoddess12 that's a good idea to have set foods on different days of the week so she knows what to expect, thank you x

Careerchanger2017 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:51:10

hubblebubble I'm so glad it's not just my DD. She's the same and will eat fruit and veg but it has to be an apple with her breakfast, cucumber and hummus with her lunch and a juice carton, and peas or raw veg sticks with dinner.

Careerchanger2017 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:51:41

She's six and a half

arethereanyleftatall Mon 28-Nov-16 21:53:08

My trick at the moment is to give them what they want alongside lots of healthy stuff, which does get eaten.
E.g. Tonight they wanted fish fingers, so they did indeed get fish fingers along with kale and brown rice. All got eaten.
If they ask for chips, that's fine, but theI get a fresh piece of fish and some veg with it.
Only works whilst they haven't twigged to say 'fish fingers and chips please'!

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 28-Nov-16 21:58:04

As someone who was a "fussy" (understatement! I ate toast, rice crispies, cornflakes and sometimes sausages ^and that's it!^) eater as a child I plead with you to please just drop this issue right now. I can't tell you enough how much damage it has done to my relationship with food having that constant pressure to eat food I didn't like. I would gag and vomit, have panic attacks at the mention of "just trying" something on my plate. Do you know when I started trying different foods? When no-one was watching. Because there was no pressure for me to like it. I remember my mum "catching" me trying an orange and she made the biggest fuss ever and started suggesting I try this that and the other. Worst thing she could have done. I completely regressed and would only eat toast and cereal. She spent my childhood in a massive amount of stress over my fussiness. She really could have saved herself all that if she had just left me to it. Because I am fine, I have a good diet now as an adult, I have never had a hospital admission, I don't get more than the odd cold. I am fit and healthy.

Please, please just leave it now. You've tried, you know your DD won't eat all these things. Save yourself and get the stress and give her a chance of developing a far better relationship with food than I have been left with.

WorraLiberty Mon 28-Nov-16 22:00:05

Does she snack?

I honestly think the reason we more or less ate what we were given as kids, was because we didn't really snack.

I'm not sure kids are really properly hungry at meal times now, if that makes sense.

OhtoblazeswithElvira Mon 28-Nov-16 22:02:57

YANBU and I might join you. 6yo DD used to eat anything but as she's got older she's got fussier and most evenings I get the "I don't like it mummy" angry I blame school meals which are very repetitive in our area. I think their palate gets used to the limited tastes and textures - meat, potatoes and a very limited choice of boiled veg on the side every bloody day.

Mine would go hungry rather than eat something they don't like. Unfortunately I remember being the same all too clearly. We don't do dessert so there's no negotiating at the table! Both are tall and slim unlike me and eat all food groups - they just seem to hate dinner with a passion!

KittensWithSuperpowers Mon 28-Nov-16 22:11:01

I would give her the frozen stuff every day tbh

With the salad she likes

The more fuss you make the more determined she'll be. Don't give her any negative attention with food. Don't bat an eyelid if she turns her nose up at something-try a relaxed approach.

SheepyFun Mon 28-Nov-16 22:15:18

You've persevered for much longer than me. I suspect DD (almost 4) has some sort of sensory issues when it comes to eating - when I first started weaning her, she wouldn't voluntarily put food in her mouth, and would gag or even vomit to remove anything I got in there. It has slowly improved, but what has really helped me is getting less stressed about it! Tonight she had chicken nuggets. I didn't! If we have a roast, she might try some meat, and will definitely try the Yorkshire puddings, but none of the veg.

At nursery, she gets the same food as everyone else (and there is no choice). She has been going for almost a year, and with about half the meals, she won't eat any of it (I collect her at 1, so she isn't going an entire day without) - that seems a fair crack at 'eat it, there isn't anything else'.

So we've decided to give her food she is willing to eat, and put some extras on her plate to see if she'll try them. That isn't the same as what she wants (else it would be brioche and chocolate all the way!) - though her fruit and veg intake aren't great (purees help).

In short, you are definitely NBU to give up with your daughter - just to let you know you aren't the only one out there.

MigsSlippers Mon 28-Nov-16 22:15:39

Breakthroughs come when you least expect them. My 2 only started eating salad veg at 7 and 9.

We have extremely restricted eaters in the family so I have always tried to keep things really relaxed about food, just praise trying. Never say never, but if it's stressing you both out then taking a step back / time out is a good idea.

dairymilkmonster Mon 28-Nov-16 22:17:49

TBH I don't think you are describing anythng unusual. I have noticed a tendancy on mn for lots of people to say their children eat very healthy meals and that it works to just not let them get away with it. Loads of kids are quite fussy and most grow through it. I would personally not let my child go hungry on a regular basis, as it is not good for them. some kids will cave quickly and start eating a bigger range - others won't. My cousins daughter lost a considerable amount of weight (she was 25th centile to start with, ended up on 0.4th) when they tried to stem her fussiness with just serving up food they knew she wouldn't eat. The range doesn't sound horrific - just serve lots of healthy veg (minimal fat, high nutrient value) with the fish fingers / nuggets etc and try to have at least 7 diff dinners so it isn't more than once per week for any given item. Maybe have one new thing per week - i have found new things are best introduced in an interesting way e.g. cook recipe from a magazine together, or suggested by someone other than me ( grandparents) or whilst out in a restaurant try a bite of my dish etc.
You are doing really well - it is tough dealing with this sort of thing!

Careerchanger2017 Mon 28-Nov-16 22:18:45

That's reassuring to hear that fussy eaters have grown out of it when they are adults. I never pressure her to eat but I feel sad for her when she says I tried it but I don't like it mummy. I tell her there is nothing else and she will be hungry and she just says ok but I don't want anymore because I don't like it sad I'm going to think of 6 meals she does like and rotate them, and once a week cook something different so she still gets the chance to try new things but only once a week and maybe do some bread and butter with it just in case!

SuperRainbows Mon 28-Nov-16 22:21:13

I couldn't agree more with Jen above. I dreaded mealtimes as a child and remember anxiously looking at the table to see what we were having. I remember once when I was about six, wheeling my dolls pram up to the table to try and deposit my peas into.
I would give her what you know she will eat and reduce the stress. You've tried for six years and it hasn't worked. It sounds like she eats lots of healthy food anyway.
Maybe when she's a bit more relaxed around food, you could gradually introduce things and build up her confidence.
My dd 9 is a very picky eater. Her three older siblings aren't and one day she won't be. In the meantime, I would rather feed her what she wants and not make food an issue. She eats loads of tomatoes, apples and grapes, drinks milk, eats yogurt and wholemeal bread and takes vitamins and iron. And she eats the dreaded frozen food. She is healthy, never hungry and not anxious about food.

KittensWithSuperpowers Mon 28-Nov-16 22:23:01

I think if she doesn't like it once she's tried it yab a bit u sending her to bed hungry tbh.

I'd give her what she does like to eat for now and have a break from the meal dramas.

If she won't eat new food after trying it then offer her toast/cereal/yogurt/banana

WheresTheEvidence Mon 28-Nov-16 22:23:17

Could you make home made chicken nuggets/fish fingers?

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