Would you be worried? Should I do something about it?

(60 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

user1480366912 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:19:22

One of the mummies I know has got drinking problem... Well we all can see it but she thinks that everything is ok. She would have 2 or 3 glasses of wine nearly every day and get extremely drunk when we go out (I mean being sick in the restaurant and being asked to leave someone's house drunk). As we are a part of a bigger group I am happy to ignore her and focus on talking to the others but it recently started to impact on her kids... She continued to drink when she was pregnant and when her ds2 was born and only 1 day old they took him to the pub to celebrate with wine and dinner. Within few months of him being born she would text is few time asking for help as he was running a high fever but because they both had a drink, they couldn't drive to the hospital. Few time she would also ask if someone can come in and look after the baby as they had a "stomach flu"...
I know that social services have more pressing cases, and they look like a completely reasonable parents (big house, new car, nice middle class area) but I can see a lot of neglect when you look past the surface.
Would you report them? I am not close enough with them to just have a chat...

cansu Mon 28-Nov-16 21:25:26

Get a grip. Behind all of your judgie angst the facts seem to be that
She asked for a lift when they had had a drink because she needed to get baby checked out and didn't want to drink and drive
She has been drunk on social evenings
She went out for dinner and drinks with family when baby came home
She has asked someone to take care of baby when she was ill
Given that you clearly dislike her she hasn't been asking you for help but amongst your lovely group of mummies you have been gossiping about her.
If you do report this, you will look like a loon.

user1480366912 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:28:23

Just to clarify- she was asking us to take her son to a&e as they didn't want to show up there drunk.
But thank you for your opinion.

CageyBee Mon 28-Nov-16 21:29:35

"Mummies".

hmm

user1480366912 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:30:23

And to add to that - I am not the gossiping type. That's why I posted it here rather then expressed it with our group in any way.

TheTroutofNoCraic Mon 28-Nov-16 21:31:09

clip clop

RaggyDoll1 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:32:41

YANBU

WannaBe Mon 28-Nov-16 21:34:27

TBH I wouldn't report someone I knew to have a drink problem to SS no. But if I was close enough to them then I would be there to offer support if I could.

Years ago one of the mums of a child in DS' class appeared to have a drink problem. It wasn't something which was initially noticeable but then she started to go to people's houses and would drink to excess, become very emotional etc and a lot of the other mums distanced themselves from her because of it. She lived in my street though so I regularly picked up her child from school. I often brought her eldest two home from school events and she often opened the door clearly under the influence.

She had a lot of issues at home though and I regularly used to listen to her talking about her marriage and her issues with her DC which she was seeking professional help for. As time went on her GP became involved because of the issues with her DC and addressed her drink problems with her.

Reporting to SS would have had no impact other than that she would have felt even more isolated than she already was. She was already being judged harshly by the other mums,

I moved away not long after that so I don't know what happened to her.

But I would say that unless there is actual abuse involved SS won't do anything - they can't make someone give up drinking and they won't just remove a child of someone who drinks.

If this woman has a drink problem she needs to come to that realisation in her own time. Meanwhile you could offer support rather than judging from the sidelines.

TheTroutofNoCraic Mon 28-Nov-16 21:35:41

Not close enough to have a chat but close enough for them to text you asking you to take their poorly baby to hospital? hmm

d270r0 Mon 28-Nov-16 21:41:01

Hmmmmm...so basically you want to report her to social services on the grounds that she didn't want to drink and drive when her son needed to go to a&e. And because she asked for help when she had flu, which could easily be true. What would you do under those circumstances? If you had had a drink in the evening would you still drive your child to a&e? If you have flu do you have someone you can ask for help? I know when I do I am lucky I can ask my mum. Maybe she does not have that luxury. This does not sound like neglect.

PurpleDaisies Mon 28-Nov-16 21:42:37

I know that social services have more pressing cases, and they look like a completely reasonable parents (big house, new car, nice middle class area) but I can see a lot of neglect when you look past the surface.
What sort of neglect are you talking about? I'd have thought asking for help when the baby was unwell isn't going to raise any flags. Drinking while pregnant obviously isn't ideal but it isn't illegal.

I'd try and have a non judgy chat saying you're worried about her and want to help, but unless you've got more serious concerns than what you've said here I wouldn't call SS.

thisisafakename Mon 28-Nov-16 21:54:29

"One of the mummies"

You mean one of your friends/one of your acquaintances, right? Guessing you don't call her 'mummy' to her face.
I think calling SS would be OTT. What about the 'daddie'? Does he have a drinking problem too?

happypoobum Mon 28-Nov-16 21:56:28

How do you know how much she drinks when she is at home?

From what you have written I can't see any neglect. They asked for help with the baby when ill. They asked for help driving when baby was ill - but they didn't just ignore it, they ensured the baby got to hospital.

Are you a teensy bit jealous of their "big house and new car?"

<<waits for OP to claim of course not, her house and car are far superior>>

awayinamazda Mon 28-Nov-16 21:58:19

'Just to clarify- she was asking us to take her son to a&e as they didn't want to show up there drunk. '

Lots of people saying this woman did nothing unusual with the a&e thing, which surprises me - would everyone really ask others to take your DC to hospital when ill? I wouldn't, and would also find that quite worrying like the OP.

Crunchymum Mon 28-Nov-16 21:58:36

She asked you to take her DC to hospital because she was too drunk?

And because the baby had a temperature???

Are you sure?

Zeb81 Mon 28-Nov-16 22:01:02

SS are there for support and if it is hacing a detrimental impact on the children then some support would be beneficial but I would suggest offering support as a friend first. If they are ringing you for help then they trust you to help so I would have a word first and maybe go with them to gp if they are receptive.
PS it's 'mummies' here too

Wolverbamptonwanderer Mon 28-Nov-16 22:03:14

A few times too crunchy. Unlucky baby, needing A&E for a temperature a few times...

Bluntness100 Mon 28-Nov-16 22:03:18

>>Lots of people saying this woman did nothing unusual with the a&e thing, which surprises me - would everyone really ask others to take your DC to hospital when ill? <<

How else would you get them there then, are you saying no one should have one two many ever if they have a child?

And op, no of course you shouldn't report them to social services, that's a shocking thing to suggest. Please loosen your judges pants a little.

bluebeck Mon 28-Nov-16 22:06:03

Agreed Wolver

OP you messed up by claiming you are the go to person for baby care, and are close enough to know all the goings on in this woman's life, including what she drinks of an evening, and yet you aren't close enough with her to have a chat.

Reported.

desperatehousewife2 Mon 28-Nov-16 22:06:36

Really don't know why the OP is getting such a hard time. Would you really ask someone else to bring your baby to A&E?

ShiteBags Mon 28-Nov-16 22:08:07

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

MsJudgemental Mon 28-Nov-16 22:08:39

I wouldn't describe 2-3 glasses of wine a day as a drink problem.

Crunchymum Mon 28-Nov-16 22:09:26

If I'd had too much to drink and my baby needed to gpay to hospital then yes without a doubt I'd ask someone else to take us (me and baby not baby on its own which is what the OP is inferring and I think is bullshit)

Crunchymum Mon 28-Nov-16 22:09:52

*go to hospital not gpay

oleoleoleole Mon 28-Nov-16 22:16:23

I'd have a word with someone in authority at school and leave it with them, please don't ignore it whatever you do. Addiction is often a coping mechanism for trying to bury bigger things so at the bottom of,it all they may need help. However they may be heavy drinkers. Discuss it with school, let it go and then at least you can feel you've done your bit.

If you ever get asked to take child to a and e again, say no (you wouldn't be able to consent to any medical treatment anyway) and ring an ambulance.

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