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AIBU but this really is not 'helpful'?

(30 Posts)
zazas Mon 28-Nov-16 21:06:34

My DH is 'upset' that I found his 'helpful behaviour' this morning anything but!

Middle of the school run rush, he decides to 'help me out' by putting my car/house keys in the front door lock - on his way out - 'ready for me'. He didn't mention he had done this.

This is unprecedented behaviour - I did not know why they weren't where they always are. I searched high and low - thinking I was losing my mind, worrying if I could get through the day without bank access for work (my bank fob is on the key ring) and becoming later and later for school drop off.

Then my DD 'discovered' them in the front door. Obviously!

When I asked my DH, "Just why?" He shrugged it off and replied he was being helpful when I was obviously in a rush hmm.

Helpful would have been him unloading the dishwasher, feeding the cat, taking the washing out of the machine, making the school lunches...

He thinks I am being unreasonable not appreciating that he was 'just trying to help'!

Tell me others enjoy these sorts of 'helpful' partners!

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Mon 28-Nov-16 21:08:34

Do you mean on the outside of the door? If yes, NOT helpful. Actually rather cryptic!

Euphemia Mon 28-Nov-16 21:09:59

If anywhere other than where you normally keep your keys, unhelpful!


zazas Mon 28-Nov-16 21:11:36

Yes the outside of the door - seriously!

OohhThatsMe Mon 28-Nov-16 21:12:21

Did he do this a few weeks ago, OP? I read a very similar thread a while ago.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Mon 28-Nov-16 21:12:26

Fuckwittery, seriously

Ahickiefromkinickie Mon 28-Nov-16 21:15:29

What a dick. Is he not doing his fair share of chores at home? Think you may have bigger problems...

mumonashoestring Mon 28-Nov-16 21:15:33

Oh god yes DH used to do that.

"Where is my watch?"
'Oh I moved it to the dining table so you'd be able to find it'
...confused "But it wasn't lost til you moved it..."

I say 'used to' - after a few instances of not being able to find various things I started being helpful too grin A wallet tucked into a motorcycle boot, keys put on a curtain hook, watch packed carefully away in his lunchbox... Now if he moves something he tells me he's doing it.

We've also recently worked on him 'helping' me by staying in bed in the morning while I run my arse ragged trying to get DS up and fed whilst also getting ready for work.

zazas Mon 28-Nov-16 21:24:01

Nope this was this morning - you mean another person had this happen to them - somehow that makes me feel relieved - 'it is not just me'!

In fairness he is relatively helpful at home (although maybe its his definition of helpful that is a problem come to think about it!)

mumonashoestring - that sounds like my DH - strange, misguided ideas of helpfulness - although I really feel he thinks he is being helpful confused

LineyReborn Mon 28-Nov-16 21:27:41

He put your keys in the outside lock of the door without telling you?

That's really crap.

zazas Mon 28-Nov-16 21:30:48

LineyReborn that he did!

Euphemia Mon 28-Nov-16 21:39:49

Stupid place to put keys! Passing opportunist thief sees keys, locks family in house, steals car. confused

LineyReborn Mon 28-Nov-16 21:40:07

OP, that's really a dreadful thing to do. Quite odd in a way ... and then blaming you for understandably being pissed off about his doing such a random, unhelpful thing - just bizarre.

Please tell me that at least the front door was wide open so you could potentially see the keys?

But then that doesn't sound normal either.

Woodacorn Mon 28-Nov-16 21:44:28

This has happened to me too!

TheWoodlander Mon 28-Nov-16 21:48:34

Whaaaat?? What a twat confused

pictish Mon 28-Nov-16 21:50:07

What a numbnut...yanbu.

awayinamazda Mon 28-Nov-16 21:51:57

Maybe get a chain, and keep them with you at all times, dangling off your belt - that'll foil him :-D

dailymailarecunts Mon 28-Nov-16 21:52:30

My mum does this! It terrifies me - she comes round to visit ds, or to pop in with something. Sees I'm in a rush so let's herself out but 'helpfully' puts my keys in the lock ready for me. I have explained why it's not helpful at all, but she gets this wouned puppy look and it becomes me being ungrateful. Bizarre!

nickelbabe Mon 28-Nov-16 21:59:25

That is a really dickish thing to do!

Put the keys where the keys normally live! It's not hard!

AdoraBell Tue 29-Nov-16 07:59:41

Communication is important. My DH really couldn't understand why the "helpful" things he did wound me up.

Had to tell him to open his gob and speak before doing what he assumed was helpful.

The word assumed is important here, because if anyone actually thought about it they would realise it wouldn't be helpful to not know where your keys are.

YokoUhOh Tue 29-Nov-16 08:01:30

This is gaslighting, isn't it?

zazas Tue 29-Nov-16 08:38:32

LineyReborn - quite odd indeed - and random although thinking about it - he does do strange things at times, it is just very annoying when he thinks I am unjustified in complaining about them!
Woodacorn flowers and for you too dailymailarecunts
AdoraBell you are right - it's all about communication but I struggle to preempt everything my crazy DH might do grin
YokoUhOh - I can see how it could be gaslighting but my DH is lovely and generally kind - just seemingly lacking in logic at times - he understands that it wasn't helpful (now) but he still believes that he was trying to be kind - but maybe he didn't think it through enough!

Still I will always check the front door lock now when I can't find my keys!

JC23 Tue 29-Nov-16 08:42:36

So he basically hid the keys in a room place you would never think to look for them?! I'd be furious!

MusterTheRohirim Tue 29-Nov-16 08:47:27

Yep, my DH is always putting my things where he thinks I will find them easily. It drives me mad, I know where things are til he moves them!

ShotsFired Tue 29-Nov-16 08:48:11

As an aside, it's really unwise to have your house and door keys on the same keyring. Lose one, lose them all (.... and then have to change them all too). Big security and cost issue.

And a secure bank fob for work on there too?

OP I urge you to reconsider this. My "method" is to have keyrings which look, feel and sound different - one is metal, one is plastic so I can tell just by rooting in my bag which one I have.

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