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So upset about New Year's Eve

(7 Posts)
MoustacheRiri Mon 28-Nov-16 19:17:52

I really need some advice. On the 27th we're going to my DH parents to celebrate New Year's Eve. My husband's family and friends will be there and they always have a big celebration.

I am from abroad and recently I found out that my husband's parents were saying disrespetful and derogatory things about my homecoutry to their friends and family members behind my back.
And in many other situations my MIL said offensive things about my country to my face but in a very "polite" way... I don't know how to describe but she is that kind of person who criticises and say very inappropriate people with a "soft" tone...

So I'm starting to get anxious for this New Year's Eve celebration as I already know they will say something inappropriateand hurtful to me. Every single time we go there my MIL talks about our cultural differences like she's somehow superior. My husband spoke to his parents but nothing changed.
I don't think I should punish my DH saying that I won't go to his parents' celebration. This would hurt him and they live very far from us and we never go there anyway.
I hate confrontation, especially with older people but I need to do something about it once for all.

How would you react? I don't want to let her go insulting and being desrespectful this time. I must say something. I need some advice.

BackforGood Mon 28-Nov-16 19:26:45

There's a lovely MN phrase that is very appropriate in this situation.

EVERY time she says something that you find offensive, however she phrases it. You look at her with a puzzled look on your face and ask "Did you mean to be so rude?" Even better if it is in front of other people.

By not challenging it, you are enabling it. She clearly is lacking in either education or social graces, so you will be helping her by doing this. Do not 'make' your dh miss out on seeing his family, but do challenge his family.

TheCatsMother99 Mon 28-Nov-16 20:38:19

I agree with back, you should have a phrase like that ready for when she is rude. I might even go further and take the piss a bit by saying 'where I'm from, what you just said is very rude', seeing as she wants to point out cultural differences.

Don't want to say too much as I worry I might out myself but my MIL is the same as yours, she says very rude things to me but in a nicey nice way so as to not draw huge attraction to it. Recently she really upset me with something she said (which she said again couple times again after) and I've only got her to stop by calling her out on it.

YouTheCat Mon 28-Nov-16 20:40:09

Why do you have to go for so long? Would he be willing to go on 30th instead so that'd be 3 days fewer of your annoying and impolite ils?

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 28-Nov-16 20:54:40

Also try to get your DH on side and if he notices for him to call her out on it but I suspect she does it in such a way that its directed at you and not around others!

Is there any chance you could cut the time down or can you afford to stay at a hotel or B&B nearby so that you can have space to yourself some of the time?

Can you get wifi there? If so come on to here and we'll send you our support at the time!

MoustacheRiri Tue 29-Nov-16 08:27:01

Same with my MIL! She's got her way of saying nasty things but in a nicey way too so I need to be careful to not overreact.

What did you say to your MIL?

FrancisCrawford Tue 29-Nov-16 08:38:28

What an interesting point of view, you say, with sarcasm dripping in your voice.

Or, in my country, good manners are important.

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