To think ds will have to learn the hard way if he keeps being so careless

[Thefishewife]

Ds wil have to learn the hard way if he keeps being so cAreless

So far we had him lose his £195 buss pass two days after he got it we told him that tbh we wouldn't be able to replace it even though it's for collage that would have been nearly £400 in one week and that would not have been viable for us luckily he was able to replace it for £10 he had to pay for that out of his wages

Then he lost his ID card for the train and he refused to replace it after me telling him to replace it then he got caught by the train inspector without it and was fined £65 plus £10 for a new card we made him pay that so this month he pretty much worked for nothing because he has to put £50 towards his savings and £35 keep

Then today he's come home and lost his keys he not even borthering to look for them that's fine but he will now have to wait until next months wage to get a key cut to be honest we can't afford to keep subbing his carelessness

Yesterday he lost a new tub of cream in his room because it's so messy and simply just went to get a new one instead of looking for the one he lost and we also wondered why he was going through a can of deodorant every two days yes every two days because not only is he using it under his arms he's using it as Boady fucking spray

I have told him to ask for more body spray if he needs it and not just use the deodorant because he can't be arsed to ask for some and have limited him to 2 cans a month because dh and I use the same one and are only using 1 can every 8 or 9 days I one bottle of cream every 3 weeks

He's being so careless in part because he's only paying a nominal charge in keep I feel he's also doing things like leaving the lids of foods or not putting things back in the fridge yesterday he left the cheese out so it went off. I only did a food shop on Saturday and I already have to buy more bloody cheese though I am not going to because I can't afford to really re buy anything he just thinks it's a massive bloody joke

He has also got into a habit if simply chucking clothing away if he can't be borthered to wash them 😳

I don't know why he's like this I a very frugle also we don't spoil him he has a job so you would think he would want to actually keep some of his wage rather than spend it replacing things he lost of broken during the month

[Greengoddess12]

How old is he?

[Thefishewife]

16

[Thefishewife]

He's actually good in all other ways he's attends challage has a job yaddayadda but just has a very cavalier attauide towards loosing things

He thing well I just get another what the frigg he's not even looking for his keys 😳

[Greengoddess12]

My second son was very careless at 16 but now at 25 he's totally different if that's any comfort. Drove us mad.

[blueskyinmarch]

You need to not replace anything he loses. Nothing at all. Bus pass - he has to walk or cycle to college, train ID - he keeps getting fined and he has to pay it himself. New key - he has to leave/come in a times which suit you and other family members, deodorant- don’t buy any more, he can buy this himself. He will soon get the message.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

How the hell does anyone go through so much deodorant? I'd use a bottle a month, even 8 or 9 days ya excessive

[BarbarianMum]

Stop rescuing him and he'll learn. Maybe he could earn some money to pay for changing the locks if the key doesn't turn up.

[MissVictoria]

a deodorant lasts me a month, how do you only get 8 or 9 days?!
And cheese definitely doesnt go off in one day. If it had "mold" cheese is perfectly safe to scrape a layer off and use as normal, so you had no need to bin it.
Either make him pay higher keep, or instead of buying his body spray/deodorant etc through out the month give him a set amount of money and make him take full responsibility for what he needs. If he wastes it he buys his own, if he runs out bank of mum and dad is closed. He'll soon learn

[MissVictoria]

If he refuses to clean his room make him pay higher keep and do it as a one off, If hes anything like me he'll be mortified at the idea of his mum cleaning his room and buck up.

[Thefishewife]

Because USUAL were not millionaires and we don't want him living here till his 50 so working class parents who won't have the deposit money for a house to gift have to get our children to save he already has 7k between what we saved when he was little and what he is saving now

[zwellers]

Off topic but why are you forcing him to save. If he's earning it's his own money and once he paid his keep should be able to do with it what he wants, whether that's spend, save or buy replacement bus passes etc. Agree u shouldn't pay for them.

[blueskyinmarch]

I wonder if maybe you have your priorities a bit skewed. You are trying to assist him in saving for a house but at age 16 he really has no idea of the importance or value of money right now. Possibly it might help, as usual has suggested to allow him to spend his own money on things he needs right now to teach him to value his things?

[hollyisalovelyname]

Is he sniffing the aerosol deodorant ?
That's an awful lot of deodorant to go through in those number of days.
I'm only half joking!!!!

[Thefishewife]

He's not still at school I understand the sentiment however we do not want and can't afford to have him here for years my dear friends mum is still suffering with her son at 38 because he can't afford to move out and wished she had made him save in his younger days

Sorry but we're looking down size the moment he moves out we really need to reduce our mortgage my husband has just had 12k taken off his wage

[Thefishewife]

He have fuck all money and now even less and can't afford in any way to help him get a house the only thing we can do is get him to save while jes rent free

That's it I have not met a person in there 30s who is stuck in bed sit land that says yup I am glad my parents didn't make me save for a home and let me fritter away my wages I won't ever have a house but at least I spent the money the way I wanted I don't care if he hates me of indifferent he will have a home

[Thefishewife]

Usual thanks for your input we shall agree to disagree while he lives here he will be putting money aside for a home if he gets enough for a deposit and buys a speed boat he will be a adult and will live on that spead boat
In our family with our level of income you save for your futher if when your adult you want to blow it all of fast cars and loose women then fine but he need to make sure he can recive Mail form the fast car again we nither want of can afford a 30 somthing living with us

That is all

[4men1lady]

I agree to stop rescuing his carelessness.
He'll never learn otherwise.

On the other hand, I think it's great that you are encouraging/forcing him to save, I wish someone had done that with me at that age.

[mortgagefreesoon5]

I was similar to your son op I used to lose things, break things, I couldnt find school work etc ........I didn't have regard for anything material. My room was ok (only bc I shared with my sister and she was/is mega tidy)
When sthg was lost, I did get fustrated, then frantically loooked for it for 2 minutes, got stressed, then told myself it wasn't the end of the world and acted like I didn't care, and then I I didn't care, so I didn't have to worry about it anymore, if that makes sense. Same when I broke things.
I did care about my parents and their feelings though, but my attitude was of a typical teenager
YANBU, you cant keep subsiding him,that won't help him in the future, if any, I'd have more strict rules regarding his room upkeep (empty pockets in a bowl, dirty clothes in washing machine, rubbish empty daily, crockery downstairs....). Also insist for him to save a bit every week( for a special day out, does he want to do sthg for his 18 birthday ?, maybe to pay for his driving license, holiday week?) so he gets into the habit and realize how much things really cost.( because he doesn't know yet)

[CancellyMcChequeface]

Don't worry, nobody wants to stay where they're unwelcome and I expect he'll be moving out as soon as possible.

I started saving for a house deposit aged 14 - through my own choice. I'm glad my dad didn't have the attitude that me still living with him as an adult was causing him 'suffering,' or I'd have moved out at 18 before I had enough for the deposit.

All but one of the people I know in their 20s/30s who live with family either pay them rent or are saving everything they can to get on the property ladder and staying rent-free is their (working-class) family's equivalent of giving them financial help to do so.

[00100001]

Oh grow up PPs their is nothing wrong with making your kids save. There is nothing wrong with charging him keep.
The poster has said she can't afford to subsidise her son and his carelessness and doesn't want to be paying for another adult when the time comes.

I guess you all never struggled for money or HD financial help from your parents?

Why should he at 16 keep all his money? He could be married by now, he could be in the army! I don't think it's a huge deal that his mother is making himnsavw for his future.

Its shit being poor. Its hard fucking work. So yes, her son should save for his future.

[Ahickiefromkinickie]

Cancelly

OP didn't say her son was causing her 'suffering', she said her friend's mum was suffering because her 38yo was still living at home. Of course every mum would want their children settled in their own home.

And not everyone can afford to have their adult children living with them rent free (although OP's son is only 16).

OP, I know you said you have a large mortgage and your husband has had a £12k paycut, but it would be a shame if your DS didn't make the most of college because he has a job. It's good he is saving, but not if it affects his education. How many hours does he work?

[Moreisnnogedag]

I actually think it's great you're making him save. Otherwise he's just going to fritter money away and have nothing to show for it. Good on you.

As for him loosing things, I'd stop replacing tbh. Deodorant etc he can buy himself.