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I already know I am but.....

(17 Posts)
SneakyMcBeaky Sun 27-Nov-16 20:43:26

Ok, I know I am an awful person but, I don't let my mil babysit, only my parents. This is just because my dd spends so much time with my parents she is super happy with them.

My mil on the other had rarely visits and then all of a sudden wants to take dd for the day. She is a difficult 2 yr old who takes a long time to warm up to people, and I worry she will be very unhappy being left with someone she rarely sees. Also mil doesn't seem to be that good with her and is a bit boring. Or she thinks kids should quiet and seen but not heard.

My DH thinks I'm being unfair and favouring my own mum, and. I am in a way, but mainly because I want dd to be happy.

Can someone shake me please and tell me I should just give her a chance.

FUCKINGqueenmortificado Sun 27-Nov-16 20:49:20

If your MIL isn't a child orientated person or your DD wouldn't be happy in her care then YANBU. Don't sacrifice your child's happiness and wellbeing for a grown woman

IrregularCommentary Sun 27-Nov-16 20:53:21

How rarely does she see your dd? If your dd wouldn't be comfortable with your mil then yanbu to not let her babysit.

Why not busy yourself in another area of the house during a mil visit to see how it goes without actually leaving your dd?

Bluntness100 Sun 27-Nov-16 20:55:51

I think saying no will cause ructions. Personally I'd say yes, I'm sure you're child will be safe , as that's not your concern, and if she can't handle it, she'll bring her back early.

RaggyDoll1 Sun 27-Nov-16 20:56:57

Child comes first, if MIL insists why don't you go along too.
Be happy people want to do things with your kids, it makes me smile when I see mothers and grandmothers out with the kids cooing together over babies and enjoying the company of the little ones.
I have 5 kids and they haven't got this from my mum or MIL.

JellyBelli Sun 27-Nov-16 20:57:43

YANBU. Your MIL can practice spending time with DD safely at home, not in traffic.

jadeyty Sun 27-Nov-16 21:02:41

I understand where you're coming from but wouldn't you want to let your DD have a good relationship with you MIL even if it takes a while to warm to her??

jadeyty Sun 27-Nov-16 21:04:16

Maybe just give her a chance and see how it goes??? You're not tied to letting mil babysit all the time if your dd really didn't enjoy herself

Gardencentregroupie Sun 27-Nov-16 21:07:18

I don't understand why relatives suddenly decide they want to be in sole charge of a very small child who barely knows them. Make the effort to get to know the child and then they'll probably enjoy your company, rather than just demanding it for yourself like it's a status symbol not a toddler who'll want it's mum or dad. Your MIL can spend time with your DD in company with you, or your DH, and get to know her before she makes demands.

Laiste Sun 27-Nov-16 21:11:02

If i didn't think my DC would be happy alone with a person then it wouldn't happen. MIL, Mayoress or the Queen!

Let MIL get to know DD a bit better and vice versa before you leave her with her. It's not about making it a competition between the grannies. It's about putting your child's feelings first when they're little.

SneakyMcBeaky Sun 27-Nov-16 21:14:09

She comes over about once every six weeks and will play with dd until she starts being difficult (like all 2yr olds do) then seems to lose interest/patience and just wanders off.

I think she like the idea of looking after her but cant handle the reality iyswim.

I might just do it in small doses at my house and build from there. I do want her to have a good relationship with mil but can't bear the thought of her being unhappy for an entire day.

She also seems to think I give dd too much attention/cuddles. For example she keeps trying to talk me into letting her cry at night as this is what she did with her kids. But I won't do it so she thinks I am too soft. Just makes me think she would be too hard on her if I wasn't there.

ChocolateForAll Sun 27-Nov-16 21:20:10

YANBU at all! MiL needs to put the ground work in. No child should ever be forced to spend time alone with someone they're not comfortable with.

Only1scoop Sun 27-Nov-16 21:22:47

I think it wouldn't hurt to do a little trial. Lovely of her to show an interest. You sound so reluctant to give her a chance. Your dd may not find her 'boring' if they had some time together.

Whereareyousleep Sun 27-Nov-16 21:29:55

We have similar with 3 year old DS. My mum has him everyday so he loves going there. He only seems MIL 1 day a week for 4 hours and that's only if we go there she has only been to my house a handful of times. He is standoffish with people he doesn't know and knows his own mind so is funny with her and it does make me cringe on her behalf. She also thinks I mollycoddle him and has asked for him to sleep at her house and can't understand when I say no (he doesn't even stay at my mums).

Sybys Sun 27-Nov-16 21:35:10

Did MIL have problems raising DH? If she's successfully parented before, and your partner wants MIL to be allowed to babysit, you do sound a little bit unreasonable to me. I'd give her (and your DH's sense of judgment) a chance.

SneakyMcBeaky Sun 27-Nov-16 21:38:48

She is quite an unemotional person, and I can't imaging her being very comforting if dd was upset. She is the kind of person that thinks depressed people should just 'pull themselves together' I have actually heard her say this, and I think it sums up my wariness of her taking sole charge of dd.

I was hoping that having dgc's would soften her up a bit but it hasn't seemed to

Bobsmum02 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:40:59

My MIL does similar, although she doesn't ask to babysit, she only sees the children 1-2 times a year as she doesn't live nearby and her and DH have a somewhat strained/distant relationship. When she does see them she complains that DS (2) won't talk to her. He doesn't really know her, she doesn't give him a chance to warm up and she expects him to sit on the sofa with her and 'chat'!!


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