When staying as a guest, your room is your room until you leave?

[CrystalVision]

Just come back from a weekend with the IL's who I generally like and get on well with. But one thing really niggles me every single time we stay.

DH and I share a fairly small room with very little space to put our things, so I tend to just live out of a wheely suitcase and leave things on the bed as I take them out. The room does look a mess with both our combined junk, hair dryers, make up, shoes, pyjamas etc...but I make sure that the room is absolutely spotless when we leave (everything back in its place, bed made, no rubbish)

But every time, without fail, MIL will 'tidy' the room when we go out - folding clothes, repacking my makeup bag, making the bed).

AIBU to think that when you have guests, the room is their room and their domain until they depart? And regardless of whether it's a bit of a pigsty when you're in it, as long as it's returned to its original state on departure, you should ignore the mess?

[eddielizzard]

i would hope that someone wouldn't go into 'my' room when i'm a guest. but that said, if she has form for going in, i'd start tidying it all away so she wouldn't have reason to go in. she probably thinks she's being nice.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

I would agree with you but doubtless she thinks she's doing you a favour.

Have you raised it with her?

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

I'm on the fence. On the one hand, I would feel weird with someone going through my stuff, I would assume the room was private for my use for the stay.

On the other, it's not a hotel room - it's their home, they probably went to some effort for it to be nice when you visited and it sounds, from your description, that it gets into a right state.

I think you should make more effort to keep it tidy. If your Mil can tidy it up into a decent state then you can too.

[CrystalVision]

But that would mean packing everything away every morning, then getting things back out every night. No drawers or wardrobes for us to use.

Like I said, I make sure it's spotless when we leave and looks like we've never been there, but I would never dream of tidying my spare room, or even going in there, when people were staying!

[Cucumber5]

They should leave your stuff alone.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

YANBU - it may be their house but it's your stuff and that's just rude!

Leave a giant vibrator on the bed next time, she won't dare tidy up again!

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

But that would mean packing everything away every morning, then getting things back out every night. No drawers or wardrobes for us to use.

Yeah, that's right. That's what I think you should do.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Better you pack it away than Mil though surely? You have to get it out again anyway if she's packed it away

[M00nUnit]

This is really odd behaviour - if I'm staying with someone I'd never expect them to rearrange my belongings and "tidy" my stuff away! I don't really know how you can raise it with her though so I guess you'll just have to try and keep the room tidy the whole time you're there and not leave anything out. Which is a bit shit I know but I don't see a way round it really.

[Lorelei76]

I don't have a spare room for friends to stay so their stuff is around wherever convenient. I don't move it. I wouldn't put so,eones make up back in their bag etc.
If I had a spare room I wouldn't even look in there, I'd be giving them total privacy. They know where towels and things are, so why would I look in there?
I think it's very rude.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Lol at manic packing and re-packing, FFS no one would ever do this!

[EsmesBees]

The guest room is the guests' until they leave. If we have people staying and want something from the spare room, I ask if I can go in first. Basic manners. I also don't care what state they get it in to whilst staying. The only exception I can think of is if you are staying as a guest in the living room or something, then you should tidy your things away every morning.

[mammybops]

YANBU but I know my MIL would do the same. Any mess in her home makes her uneasy and restless.

You could broach it with her in a lighthearted way but personally I'd just accept it's her home and modify my behaviour rather than ask her to modify her own.

[Nanny0gg]

So why hasn't your DH mentioned it to them?

[Bluntness100]

No, I don't think she should do that, but some folks don't like mess. So just clear your stuff up and take it out again at night. You know she's going to do it so don't leave it a tip next time.

[Whathaveilost]

But that would mean packing everything away every morning, then getting things back at night
Whats wrong with doing that? Hardly a huge effort to tidy up for the daytime is it?
It sounds like a right messy dump the way you leave it in the daytime..

[SeaweedSa1ad]

I wouldn't like someone else tidying up my things when I'm the guest.

However, we have visitors occasionally in our spare room and I do go into it when they're out - specifically to open windows and clean the condensation off the crummy drafty windows. I don't feel guilty for "trespassing" in this regard.

[burnoutbabe]

about the only thing that should be moved is anything clearly unsafe (i don't know, GHDs left on a bed?)

but else, the door stays shut and no one should touch stuff.

I'd mention that something went missing after the next time and be very distraught that you had left it on the bed and now its missing.

(actually i'd get OH to tell his mum to stop it, and then stay in a hotel when visiting if it was not fixed)

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

Leave a sex toy on the bed, that should stop her

[Oldraver]

What happens when she comes to your house ?

[CrystalVision]

But what does it matter if it's a messy dump? We arrive, we stay, we leave and the room is exactly the same as it was the day we arrived. How can you be mad and unsettled about temporary, transient mess which won't be there in 24 hours time?

[Poocatcherchampion]

But you dont say she repacks your suitcase. You say she folds clothes and makes the bed. You could do that?

Especially if she does this every visit, you could anticipate it.

Although yanbu wanting her to leave the room alone.

[CrystalVision]

When she comes to ours, their room is their room and I never enter so no idea what state it's in. However, they do have a dressing table, a clear drawer in the chest and half a wardrobe to use. We don't.

[CrystalVision]

But you're right, I might have to start clearing my stuff just to stop her doing it. I don't really feel comfortable saying anything as I do get on well with her and she's lovely. This is really the only thing that irks me. My question was really whether other people did the same thing!

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

My inlaws will do this if the room is messy; I don't think they can tolerate knowing there is a messy room. If they put us in the room without a wardrobe, I repack everything in the morning and get what I need out again at night and repeat. It's less stressful for everyone and it means at least nothing is tidied away and lost!