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To ask him to take DSD home?

(198 Posts)
whitless Sun 27-Nov-16 18:47:55

So a bit of back story to this..
DP and ex had a fairly messy brake up and their DD was only a small baby. They have a mutual agreement to share DD.

I met DP when (now my) DSD was just under 1. So I've known her and looked after her for over a year. She is now nearly 3.

DP and I now live together and have a DS( 5 months old).

Now the problem..

DP agreed to have DSD this weekend before he'd got his work rota, and he has now had to work this weekend. This left me on my own for 2 full days with DSD and DS. This isn't usually a problem and I don't mind as DSD is normally a lovely and sweet little girl.
Today she has been nasty, and generally awfully behaved. She has screamed and cried at everything, she's thrown food around and just been a terror.
So I asked DP to take her home tonight then I didn't have to have her all day tomorrow too.

DP is now saying I'm not being fair and I'm unreasonable for not wanting to look after her tomorrow.

AIBU or is he?

Scooby20 Sun 27-Nov-16 18:50:01

I think yabu. She is your dps dd and yiu are happy to look after her when she is good.

What will you do when your child is 3 and playing up? You can't agree to a routine only if she behaves appropriately.

Lilaclily Sun 27-Nov-16 18:51:21


It'll give her a terrible message to send her home, she's only 3

FeckinCrutches Sun 27-Nov-16 18:52:59

Awful attitude to have! You can't just ship her off because you've had a bad day with her, poor thing.

QwertyKeyboard Sun 27-Nov-16 18:53:13

Is she ill or tired? My dd does this when she is about to come down with something.

TheWitTank Sun 27-Nov-16 18:53:14


m0therofdragons Sun 27-Nov-16 18:53:36

Oh so you have a new baby and dsd gets tossed out when she becomes annoying?! Ffs so many of these threads. No wonder so many kids are messed up. Kids need unconditional love not "I'll love you until you annoy me then you can go back to mum's".

SheldonCRules Sun 27-Nov-16 18:53:41

She's two years old, you can't just ship her off as she's being a normal child. What will you do if your own plays up?

She's already gone through the upheaval of her dad leaving and having a new partner in just a few months and then a new sibling on top. Children are also very perceptive and given it comes across like you resent her hence wanting her gone it's likely she knows that.

followTheyellowbrickRoad Sun 27-Nov-16 18:54:12

Yes it would be unreasonable to send her home. I would try and speak to her and see whats wrong as her behavior sounds out of character.

EdmundCleverClogs Sun 27-Nov-16 18:54:16

You both are. She's three for god sake, her father at least should take responsibility. Who are you going to send your child away to when you can't cope with toddler tantrums?

Sirzy Sun 27-Nov-16 18:54:38


You can't just send a child away because they are hard work. Where would you send your ds if he has a bad day?

srslylikeomg Sun 27-Nov-16 18:55:57

YABU. If you can't cope with her then get your DP to take time off work. Sending her home is a hideous message and something that if you do once you'll do again. She's a person, not just a well behaved dolly for you to toss out once she gets to arguing.

Aderyn2016 Sun 27-Nov-16 18:56:37

Truthfully, I think that if your dp isn't around to look after her then at this young age the best place for her to be is with her mum, who presumably does want to look after her. I am making the assimption though, that for the mum, her child not being with her is a hardship because from my own pov I would hate to be without my dc all weekend and would want them back home if a step parent was going to be looking after them rather than their dad.
I am strongly of the belief that children deserve to be looked after by people eho love thrm, not just tolerate thrm on their good days.

When your dsd is older and past the toddler stage, I think you should take the view that she is to be treated the same as your son. She is his sister. If you wouldn't send your ds elsewhere when he is being a pita, then you shouldn't do it to your step daughter.

Mishegoss Sun 27-Nov-16 18:57:06

Yeah it would be pretty shitty. She's so little. You probably have this to come with your own kid and you won't be able to ship him off..

Zaratall Sun 27-Nov-16 18:57:27

Yabu. You made a choice to be with someone who already had a child.

If she ever came to live with you you can't just send her home because she's become annoying.

Scrumptiousbears Sun 27-Nov-16 18:58:01

I agree with PP.

I have a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old. My eldest has been a horror today as well. I can't give here back lol.

DorotheaHomeAlone Sun 27-Nov-16 18:58:28

YABU. You will do a lot of emotional damage to you dsd if you take this approach. Conditional love for a 2 year old. How horrible.

Standingonmytippytoes Sun 27-Nov-16 18:59:34

YABU I assume your dp will be home in the evening to take care of her or at least for some point during the day tomorrow.

Manumission Sun 27-Nov-16 19:00:20

She IS home, isn't she?

ollieplimsoles Sun 27-Nov-16 19:00:55

Were you the ow?

Yabvu, you have had your own baby and now just want to pack dd away to play your own happy families. Poor kid

harderandharder2breathe Sun 27-Nov-16 19:01:35

Yabu she's 2! And she's acting like a 2 year old!

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 27-Nov-16 19:01:40

I can't believe you even had to ask this. Of course yabu.

AngryGinger Sun 27-Nov-16 19:01:43

YABU, yes.

neonrainbow Sun 27-Nov-16 19:02:33

I think the issue is that it's been assumed you will provide childcare and you're not happy to. This doesn't make you a terrible person. Your oh should have asked you. He needs to make alternative arrangements. I suspect youre not allowed to discipline his daughter?

whitless Sun 27-Nov-16 19:04:17

Okay I'm being unreasonable..
looks like I'm in for a long day tomorrow then!
Thanks for the replies!

BTW I'm not the OW!!

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