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to ask how to share pregnancy news sensitively

(17 Posts)
Diel Sun 27-Nov-16 14:55:28

I've just found out that I am pregnant unexpectedly with dc5. We are surprised but will manage fine.
My worry is that I have 4 close friends who can't have longed for children. Any advice on how I break this news to them? I understand hearing of someone having a 5th baby that wasn't planned will be hurtful, even if they wish the best for me.
Is it better to do this in person or by email, to allow them time to react as they need to?
Is it better to say sooner or later?

Two of my friends are my very best friends so I know from supporting them through other announcements that they will find this tough but not sure what might make it easier.


Tootsiepops Sun 27-Nov-16 14:59:29

IVF / infertility veteran here.

Break the news by text. It allows time for private reactions. Mine was usually bursting in to tears, followed by anger, followed by feeling sick with envy, then sadness. Once I'd worked through that entire mess, I was able to put it aside and be happy for my lovely friends and their wonderful news. But I really, really, really needed that time alone first.

KellyBoo800 Sun 27-Nov-16 15:01:07

Definitely text. I hate having to put on a brave face when friends and family tell me they are pregnant. It is so important to be able to process it in private.

QueenMe Sun 27-Nov-16 15:04:44

If they're you're best friends then surely you can just talk to them?

You don't have to mention that it was unplanned (unless they ask)

Diel Sun 27-Nov-16 15:07:43

Thanks for the replies. They will know it was unplanned as we have talked about the subject. I think it will hurt them regardless. I can talk to them and will say what i can but really justvtrying to make the initial news as painless as possible.

Lilly948204 Sun 27-Nov-16 15:08:27

Having been in a similar situation myself I'd prefer to find out by text or email to give me time to react in private and not have to put on a brave face.

Congratulations on your surprise little one xx

fabulous01 Sun 27-Nov-16 15:16:09

Definitely text. And down play the surprise or not trying. Those are hardest to deal with for the IVF folk

sparechange Sun 27-Nov-16 15:31:09

Tell them by text and don't make any jokes about them being the lucky ones for being able to have holidays/sleep/nights out
Acknowledge this news must be hard for them to hear and that you aren't expecting them to reply, but wanted to tell them privately and before other people know
Don't tell them just before any big social gatherings

You are a good friend for giving this thought and I'm sure they will be grateful

Good luck with your pregnancy flowers

PeachBellini123 Sun 27-Nov-16 15:31:33

I texted my SIL. Her and BIL are currently going through IVF. She said she appreciated it as meant she could deal with our news privately.

She's been lovely about it but I know she's gutted that it hasn't been as easy for them sad

Diel Sun 27-Nov-16 15:42:49

Sounds like good advice. Thanks everyone! I am eternally thankful for what I have and I am sorry some of you have had these struggles. flowers

thecatsarecrazy Sun 27-Nov-16 16:33:42

Why does anyone need to know its unplanned? I'm expecting dc3 my last pregnancy was 7 years ago. Nobody has brought up if it was planned or not and I wouldn't say. It was btw but I don't feel the need to tell everyone incase they think otherwise

Diel Sun 27-Nov-16 17:44:32

You're right Cat, I won't be announcing it to others but my close friends will know I didn't plan on trying for another baby, we've had quite open conversations about such.

bummymummy77 Sun 27-Nov-16 17:49:59

Definitely text. One of my best friends sprang it on me at her dd's birthday party last week and it was all I could do to not run off.

Hestheoneandonly Sun 27-Nov-16 18:51:01

Text. They will want to deal with their feelings in private. It's hell being told face to face (esp at your birthday party as one friend did to me). Do not tell them it was an accident a very happy surprise will do. Well done on being a kind friend and wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months

TurquoiseDress Sun 27-Nov-16 19:01:45

yes yes definitely by text or email.

I was unexpectedly pregnant and we were going to visit a couple who were good friends but we didn't see often.

With DH, I absolutely insisted that we let her know before we came over for dinner (with a few other friends)- I was showing a little bit at that point (just over half way) but I personally wanted to let her know before and give her the space to process the news alone.

It's what I would have wanted for myself, although lucky to have never been in this kind of position before.

Maverickismywingman Sun 27-Nov-16 19:04:11

Just wanted to say that I think it's lovely that you're being so thoughtful.

Tootsiepops Mon 28-Nov-16 08:26:11

It is really lovely of you to be so thoughtful.

And - as I forgot to say it in my pp - congratulations!

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