To not invite this girl round again?

[WinterIsHereJon]

BIL's DP has a DD aged four. She's a nightmare; stroppy, whinges constantly, loses her temper when not getting her own way. Some of it normal for her age, but she's noticeably more difficult than any child I've known at that age. No discipline from her mum, even when she has hit my dcs, broken things etc.

A few weeks ago we invited BIL and his partner for dinner. Evening invitation, didn't mention the child. Our DCs were staying with grandparents. When they arrived, the little girl was with them, in her PJs. Crossed wires possibly, but they were obviously hoping she would end up staying over. She ran riot and unchecked throughout the house for hours. She then through a tantrum as she was leaving and deliberately kicked my dog in the face. I shouted, in shock more than anything, her mum just told her that was unkind and to apologise to the dog they left soon afterwards.

I was furious! Thankfully the dog is as soft as they come and just wandered off to bed looking confused, but that is pure luck and there are no guarantees she couldn't snap. Had she bitten this girl I have no doubt they'd have demanded she was PTS, and I'd have been forced to rehome her. DP and I agreed that we would not have them over again unless things improved with her behaviour.

Since this, MIL has invited them to join us on Christmas Day without asking me first. They are all basically making out that it's me being precious over the dog rather than taking any responsibility for her behaviour, and suggested I send the dog to my mums "if that's the issue". It isn't!! I sense a big family fall out will ensue but just wanted to check whether IABU before making a fuss!

[stella23]

Is Christmas Day at yours? If not I'm not sure why she should ask you?

[Floggingmolly]

Of course it's not all about the dog, but kicking her in the face is awful behaviour.
Are you hosting Christmas dinner? MIL has a bloody cheek inviting anyone to your home, that's your prerogative.
I wouldn't want her either, but there will be a fallout of some proportion...
MIL has just put you between a rock and a hard place; interfering old biddy.

[Wifflewaffles]

I wouldn't invite them round again either. Is Christmas at your house or at MIL's house?

[BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing]

I think you are focusing on the 4yo too much. Remember her behaviour is not her fault. Her DM has allowed her to become like this (assuming she doesn't have SN). She is only little.

[WinterIsHereJon]

Yes, I'm hosting Christmas Day.

[Underthemoonlight]

I'm going against the grain are hosting dinner and normally have your BIL round then I think it's mean to exclude them could it possible the DD has SN?

[Cagliostro]

yanbu

[PotteringAlong]

Your MiL doesn't get to invite people to your house for Christmas Day without asking you first. She wants to spend Christmas with them she can do it at her house.

[whateveryousay]

Well then it's up to you who comes to your house then? I'd be very cross with MIL.

[littlesallyracket]

If you're hosting Christmas Day you get to decide who to invite. Your MIL has no business extending it to others. Tell BIL your MIL made a mistake and you're sorry but you can't have them over.

[WinterIsHereJon]

No SN that we are aware of; her mum blames her behaviour on the girls DF. I think it's more that there are a complete lack of any boundaries for her, and if she kicks off they normally give in to what she wants. My DCs don't enjoy playing with her due to her often hitting them and breaking toys. It's awkward all round and I realise she's not really to blame, but that doesn't make the experience any less unpleasant.

[Floggingmolly]

The child mightn't be blamed for her behaviour, but the impact of it on op's Christmas Day will be the same. And on her dc's.
Have they accepted MIL's invitation? Most people with any grace at all would have checked to see if you're ok with it. If they do, you can express great surprise and see if it puts them off, but it probably won't.

[Only1scoop]

How rude of your mil to invite them

[YouTheCat]

I wouldn't have them round for Christmas, as you're hosting. And I'd tell them why as well.

[littlesallyracket]

Re the suggestions that the little girl may have SN then I sympathise, but it's the parents' responsibility to occupy her and ensure that situations are managed in a way she can cope with. It doesn't mean that they get to bring her to people's houses and let her run riot while they ignore her.

[LadyMonicaBaddingham]

You'll have tell MIL that you don't have room/budget/desire for three more unexpected guests and as she rudely didn't check with you first, it is HER responsibility to uninvite them. Tell her about the dog issue if absolutely necessary, but ultimately this is HER mess to clear up, not yours.

[rollonthesummer]

Your MiL doesn't get to invite people to your house for Christmas Day without asking you first.

This!

When did you find this out? Your mother in law needs to ring her son this very minute and apologise for dishing out invites to someone else's house! Is your husband with you on this?

[Maudlinmaud]

Oh gosh this is tricky. Personally I would be livid with mil. Can you have a word with her and explain your concerns, it really is up to her to tell them she overstepped the mark and it actually doesn't suit.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yanbu.

No one who keys their kid run round and kick dogs wouldn't be welcome in my house.

No way would I risk being reported to the rspca or forced to re home or pts a beloved family pet just to enable people to get away with not remotely trying to discipline their child.

Whatever is causing the child's behaviour is irrelevant. It's not the behaviour so much as the ineffective parents allowing it.

[ChickenVindaloo2]

Children who are cruel to animals => run a mile.

[YouTheCat]

I don't think the kind of person to issue invitations without checking with the host first is the sort to be bothered about whether it is convenient.

I'd just tell the bil no and ride out the shit storm. If anyone who is invited has a problem with this suggest they sort out their own Christmas and invite who they want. Then relax and have a nice time without this bunch of twats.

[gamerchick]

Whoever invited them can host. Job done.

[rollonthesummer]

Mil can host them at her house and you can stay at home having a lovely Christmas with your dog!

What did you say to your mil when she told you about her invitation-I hope you told them that wouldn't be happening!?

[WinterIsHereJon]

DH has explained that after the dog incident we would prefer not to have them round for a while. They are now making it all about the dog incident (hence the suggestion my mum has her) whereas for DH and I the dog incident was just the final straw.