Page 2 | About partners on the ward after childbirth?

(1001 Posts)
hullabaloo234 Sun 27-Nov-16 10:46:14

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

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Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 27-Nov-16 10:57:28

Are they allowed to stay the night?

If not, it's just information regarding what to do during their extended visits during the day. That's seems reasonable to me (I've had 3 DCs in the last 3 years). I've never had a section but I suspect you will appreciate your DP being there I help you with the baby - e.g. Pass you things

expatinscotland Sun 27-Nov-16 10:57:48

I'd consider changing hospitals. Yes, I really would.

NerrSnerr Sun 27-Nov-16 10:57:53

Our ward didn't allow partners to sleep over and I'm glad. I was in a 6 bed bay with only curtains for privacy and little room. It was already noisy with the babies but to have an extra 6 adults snoring, chatting etc it would have been a madhouse.

They also liked me to sleep with one side of the curtains open as I'd had a huge PPH so wanted to keep an eye on me. I'd have hated having a random bloke watching me while I tried to sleep. (It was bad enough the other mums but they had to be there!!)

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing Sun 27-Nov-16 10:58:21

I had to stay in after DD was born and was told DP had to go home. I got really stressed about it. The nurses kind of left me abandoned with a baby who struggled to latch and I didn't know how to cope. I could barely move after giving birth and was really struggling. I ended up ringing my DM and asking her to come in. She then rang the ward to tell them she was coming and they told her not to because I didn't need her. She came anyway because she knew I did.

I think you are BU. If you don't want your DP there, fine but I desperately wanted mine there. I felt so alone.

MrEBear Sun 27-Nov-16 10:59:22

I think it is horrible that ladies who have given birth are expected to be ok with other peoples partners being on the ward 24 hrs per day.

Not everyone's partner will be able to stay. Those with other children, some people can't afford to drop 2 weeks wages and take paternity pay.

Nowhere else in a hospital does it happen and I am glad that it doesn't happen in my area.

hullabaloo234 Sun 27-Nov-16 10:59:33

visiting I have no problem with, staying overnight I do! I don't see why they need to be there?!

I'd much rather DP be at home looking after our other children then sleeping in a chair by my bed because they're aren't enough staff to help me if I need it.

As for going home the next day, I absolutely can discharge myself, our hospital has a 24 hour discharge policy for ELCS anyway but if it didn't, it it's my choice to go if I feel well enough!

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whoopsiedaisy123 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:00:08

The reason I asked if you'd had a section before was because my first child I delivered naturally, my second like you I had to have an ELCS and it was SO much harder than I thought it was going to be. I really felt like I'd had major surgery and all my muscles had been removed. I was like you beforehand and was adamant I was going home the next day because I hate hospitals, but I found the recovery much harder and more painful than I anticipated.

The hospital I was in had a strict 11am - 11pm visiting for partners and I found outside of these hours really tough because the ward was so short staffed even if you did buzz for a nurse it took ages for anyone to come so I never bothered. Even getting up and seeing to baby was really hard.

I would say keep an open mind as to how you will feel afterwards and even if you are on a shared ward, I was, you can always pull your curtain around you when you feed baby or just need a rest.

HumphreyCobblers Sun 27-Nov-16 11:00:37

I would have loved my DP on the ward with me.

But can't anyone on this thread see that other people's DPs might not be so considerate as mine? That having men you don't know and who are not patients hanging around the room in which you are trying to sleep or breastfeed, or manage getting out of bed with a wound and drain in place, or trailing bloody behind you on the way to the loo may not be a great idea?

The answer to the staffing shortage is to put more staff in, not to let partners stay.

The husband of the woman in the bed next to me last time I had a section was a loud, stinky obnoxious git, who bullied his wife and expected her to manage the toddler he brought in as well as the newborn. Thank god he went home at the end of visiting hours and I didn't have to put up with him feet away from me all night.

DoYouRememberJustinBobby Sun 27-Nov-16 11:01:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neonrainbow Sun 27-Nov-16 11:01:40

Curtains aren't privacy though are they? You can hear everything. I have read a few of the threads before and haven't given birth yet but selfishly i would very much want my dh there but not everyone else's. As I'm expecting twins I'm hoping ill be given a private room and hoping that dh can stay as I'm terrified of coping overnight on my own post birth with twins as my first pregnancy.

hullabaloo234 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:01:58

The letter clearly stipulates curtains have to be kept open so midwives can monitor you, so absolutely no privacy at all from all the random people on the ward.

I have ulcerative colitis, I am no stranger to serious abdominal surgery and not being able to move around in hospital- you'd never get them saying have your partner stay and help you at night because we can't on an any other ward would you?!

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53rdAndBird Sun 27-Nov-16 11:02:39

Are they talking about overnight visitors or daytime visitors? Birth partners/dads usually have extended visiting hours.

If it's the first one - YADNBU. Wards are crowded and noisy enough without having a bunch of non-patients snoring/talking/nosing away. Every other ward is single-sex, and for good reason - it's only post-labouring women who have to put up with this!

If it's daytime visiting - annoying, but not really something you can reasonably object to.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sun 27-Nov-16 11:03:04

What on earth is wrong with partners on the ward?

Because they are not patients, they shouldn't be allowed on 24/7, women who'vejust given birth deserve privacy and dignity, childbirth however you do it is hard enough (especially afterwards) and women should have the right not to have strange men in their personal space. A curtain does naff all really to make you feel private and safe.

My DH is a very nice man and respects women and wouldn't hurt a fly. But how would the woman in the next bed know that, and why should we expect her to just trust that is true?

hullabaloo234 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:04:23

Sorry, the letter is specifically about overnight support from 10pm until 8am.

Regular visiting for partners is 9-9.

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Thunderblunder Sun 27-Nov-16 11:04:25

When I had my first 3 children partners were only allowed at normal visiting times. At other times people's curtains were pulled back and we would talk to each other and help each other out with our newborns. The ward also felt light and open.
When I had my last 2 children partners were allowed from 9-9. It completely changed the dynamic of the ward. Curtains were pulled across pretty much all the time which made the ward feel dark and oppressive. I don't think I really spoke to any of the other mums either as I didn't really see them.

whoopsiedaisy123 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:05:06

The letter I had also stated curtains had to be kept open at all times but the midwives are in practice a lot more understanding than the hospital 'rules'. I found many of the women pulled the curtains around when were they feeding or just needed some privacy.

I also had an obnoxious husband visiting a woman on one side and a really loud family on the other.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sun 27-Nov-16 11:05:41

I'm shock that some Trusts allow partners 24/7! I would be going home as soon as baby was out if I had to put up with that

Randytortoise Sun 27-Nov-16 11:06:09

But with other major abdominal surgery you don't have a tiny baby that you have to look after at the same time as not being able to move.

expatinscotland Sun 27-Nov-16 11:06:28

'I have ulcerative colitis, I am no stranger to serious abdominal surgery and not being able to move around in hospital- you'd never get them saying have your partner stay and help you at night because we can't on an any other ward would you?!'

True. But postnatal it seems it's fine for women to put up with sharing a ward designed for 6 with 12.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sun 27-Nov-16 11:06:42

Unless they were in private rooms in another Ward entirely (like they are now when women are in labour) but certainly not men sleeping in mixed rooms where there's patients

Welshrainbow Sun 27-Nov-16 11:06:58

You are so lucky that your OH will be allowed to stay. When my DS was born by section it was a case of right we were running late so off you go now no time to even bond with baby before chucking out. If you need privacy just draw the curtain round, stand your OH outside of need be as a guard. Just appreciate the fact that you will actually have time straight after the birth to bond which so many couples don't get.
Also don't rule out being able to go home the day after on my ward sections from Monday morning were discharged Tuesday afternoon and quite frankly I'd have happily gone late Monday night/Tuesday morning if given the option. It does take some people longer to recover but that's not always the case.

whoopsiedaisy123 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:07:29

When my first DD was born 18 months ago my DP stayed all night and I loved it. He didn't want to be away from his newborn. He was really disappointed he couldn't stay this time because they'd changed the rules.

hullabaloo234 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:09:15

exactly cherry, it's horrendous and I'm gutted. If another hospital was an option is be taking it, but the only other one within an hour of here has the same policy sad

Not to worry though, DP won't be staying and I will be going home the next morning. I am repacking my bag so there is a complete change of nappy and clothing etc in individual zip lock bags which I will stacked by me on the bed in easy reach and will keep hold of the baby til the am when I will be going home.

there could be very vulnerable women on the ward and I would hate them to be intimidated by my DP-not that he is scary but you know what is meant!

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LolaTheDarkDestroyer Sun 27-Nov-16 11:09:26

You are being a bit ott. I've had a lot of sections and trust me you will want your oh there after your section.

RachelRagged Sun 27-Nov-16 11:10:45

I have had C Sections and back then (I am getting on a bit) the minimum time to stay in was 5 days . I am shocked to read that women who have had a c section are discharged in 24 hours but again , I had mine a long time ago.

Also, we had our DHs or DPs in to visit during regular visiting hours and none that I know of had them stay actually there on the ward with them overnight.

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