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Just Dislike or Judging?

(8 Posts)
ShadowMane Sun 27-Nov-16 09:23:46

Are these 2 the same? Or is it possible to dislike without judging?

This isn't a taat, but inspired by the one about Christmas trees going up on November. I think I just dislike it, but am I being judgey??

KitNeutron Sun 27-Nov-16 09:28:19

It's in the way you express it. Saying "I'd rather put mine up closer to Christmas" isn't judging, and perfectly fine. Saying "ffs I'm so sick of stupid people putting their decs up in November, it's ridiculous and they must be totally pathetic" is judgy.

GreenTureen Sun 27-Nov-16 09:29:52

It's a fine line and depends on your reason for disliking something I suppose.

I dislike carrots but don't judge people that eat them. I dislike new build houses but don't judge people that live in them.

I dislike seeing 2 year olds running around with lollipops shoved in their mouths and would never let mine have them at that age as I think it's dangerous. So if I analyse that, yes I am judging the parents that allow it as I do (internally...I wouldn't say it to them!) think that my choice to not allow a young child to eat something with high choking potential is the better/superior one.

GreenTureen Sun 27-Nov-16 09:31:37

Kit that's just what you let people know though.

I'd never say to another parent 'take that lollipop out of your 2 year olds mouth you stupid, naiive, thoughtless fucking fool...they're racing around, breathless and not even holding the stick, it's bloody dangerous'. I'd be thinking it though! My judginess would be there, i'm just too polite to express it openly.

sterlingcooper Sun 27-Nov-16 09:35:46

One way of looking at it is: you might dislike the act of someone putting a Christmas tree up in November, that's fine. But you are judging when you start to extrapolate from that, like 'she must have nothing meaningful going on in her life if she places so much importance on Christmas every year'.

Cel982 Sun 27-Nov-16 09:41:35

We all judge, all the time, it's completely normal. It's just usually better not to do it out loud.

BreatheDeep Sun 27-Nov-16 09:42:12

Depends on your reason for disliking it!
I dislike putting my tree up in November as I'd be annoyed with it by Christmas. But doesn't bother me if others do.
I dislike the Christmas stickers in the window down the road as I think they're tacky. That's me judging.

sterlingcooper Sun 27-Nov-16 09:43:54

The thing I struggle with, is that (internally) I am quite judgey. And a lot of the time it is probably reasonable to make a certain judgement about someone, but there will always be times when that judgement is unfounded and there is in fact an entirely reasonable explanation behind it that makes you feel like crap for having judged.

So with the Christmas tree example (I haven't read the thread). I know a few people who decorate for Christmas in November, and they are all pretty childlike about how exciting Christmas is, and I do find it quite grating to be honest, so I might judge someone else who puts up their Christmas tree in November to probably be a similar type of person. But what if they have good reasons to put up the tree in November, like it's when they just happen to have enough time to do it whereas December will be more busy, or they are now going through a really tough time but Christmas is associated with some very personal happy memories for them so they are just trying to eke as much pleasure out of it as possible. I'd feel like crap for judging people in those circumstances.

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