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To wonder if it's normal to find it all a bit mundane?.

(31 Posts)
ricecrispies16 Sat 26-Nov-16 21:46:06

You know.... same s**t, different day. Day in. Day out.

Same routines, same outlook. Never really getting anywhere.

Feel so lost and like I don't know which way to turn sad

MyPatronusIsABadger Sat 26-Nov-16 22:04:54

Aw Rice, that's rubbish. What is it you want? Can you make a plan to move towards it?

Haggisfish Sat 26-Nov-16 22:07:53

I think it's fairly normal. I try and really appreciate good things daily and go things I enjoy.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 26-Nov-16 22:19:31

Turn to the future and make it different.

If you feel you're 'never really getting anywhere' on your current life path change the destination, or look to work on your spritual progress.

Bubspub Sat 26-Nov-16 22:28:46

I don't know if this is connected but I can associate. I don't mean to sound ungrateful and I think he's wonderful and everything, but I have found being mum to my baby and now toddler incredibly mundane. So much repetition, hard slog, frustration at needing endless patience etc. I think that's the reality of motherhood that isn't depicted in the Pampers adverts. Christ that makes me sound miserable! There are brilliant moments too but it's tough and often mundane x

HowToTrainYour Sat 26-Nov-16 22:34:32

I agree with bubs I feel like this but I know it's purely down to beibg a sahm with a 3yr old.
I won't feel like this when she is in school and I am working again.
But I do cheris the time I have off with dc and realise I am lucky.
Despite the constant crap of cleaning, tidying, park, peppa pig!

ricecrispies16 Sat 26-Nov-16 22:57:27

It's hard. I have a toddler and a young baby. Love them both more than I can even begin to describe but everyday is the same. Same tantrums, same routine of just trying to explain a good mum whilst at the same time wondering how I'm even coping.

I did an access course 2 years ago, deferred uni for one year, started uni October this year but my baby is so young I just couldn't manage it all and have had to quit. Was impossible to get the reading done and assignments because by the time my kids were in bed I'd be knackered and just want to go bed myself. I feel so crap for having to do that. Feel like I'll be stuck in this same position of trying to find my way career wise forever!

Just feel like I'm making no progress and yet the days keep ticking on by....

ricecrispies16 Sat 26-Nov-16 22:58:04

Trying to BE a good mum, not explain - auto correct somehow?

PurpleWithRed Sat 26-Nov-16 23:00:19

With a toddler and a young baby it's pretty hard to manage anything else. Give yourself time - a couple of years (if no more babies) will fly by and you'll suddenly find yourself with the freedom to do more. Right now you're at the hardest stage.

Blossomdeary Sat 26-Nov-16 23:05:55

I am at the grandchild stage and every day goes by quicker and quicker - really - when you get to my age it just seems to flash past. Treasure every moment. The time with we children can seem tedious - but before you know it it will be gone and you will want it all back again - honestly, believe me! - that is how it goes.

Bubspub Sat 26-Nov-16 23:07:18

Rice I just have one and it's so tough so I tip my hat to you. Do you think you're struggling with your mood? Do you have times when you feel enjoyment and happiness? The reason I ask this is because I had PND and I think this contributed to a feeling that every day was mundane. I think the reality is that lots of parts of parenthood ARE mundane, but my PND magnified this.
Personally at this stage I often find that imagining how things could ever be different feels impossible. But I know it won't always be like this. If you really want to study you will do it in the future. Don't put too much pressure on yourself right now with two so young. X

lovelilies Sat 26-Nov-16 23:14:40

I have a toddler and a 5m baby (and an 11 yo) and find it mundane too.
I want to make our lives special/ fun / whatever, but feel like I'm just plodding along.
I feel sorry for my 11 yo DD, because the little ones take up so much of my time and energy!
Sorry, no advice, just letting you know you're not alone

ricecrispies16 Sat 26-Nov-16 23:14:55

I have considered that maybe I have a touch of pnd but most days I feel relatively fine. A bit stressed and sometimes overwhelmed but that's down to other reasons so I just tell myself that's why I'm feeling the way I do

ricecrispies16 Sat 26-Nov-16 23:16:24

I just want to say I don't find my children mundane, it's the everyday slog that's mundane.

I just feel like surely it shouldn't be like this.... there should be more?

Does that make sense?

maninawomansworld01 Sat 26-Nov-16 23:24:59

It makes perfect sense but young kids are hard. Don't get me wrong they are really great too, but by god sometimes it seems never ending.

You are totally normal .

Bubspub Sat 26-Nov-16 23:31:35

Yes it makes total sense. It was definitely a shock to me that 'this is it'. There's so much about life that I just really didn't expect if that makes sense x X

ricecrispies16 Sat 26-Nov-16 23:36:55

It's very comforting to know I'm not alone x

Bubspub Sat 26-Nov-16 23:40:41

You're not alone flowers I think a lot of people out there are struggling. It can also be a bit of a taboo to say you find motherhood mundane because of the fear people might think you're ungrateful for your children, which you're not. It's so important for people to be open and honest about how hard and mundane it is. I wish I'd known beforehand so my expectations weren't so ridiculous! X

chosenone Sat 26-Nov-16 23:42:54

I agree that the early days with mine were, well just a bit of a slog. I look back and miss it though! The cuddles, the love, the never having a minute to yourself! It does go quickly. But... i split with exDH when mine were 5 and 3. It was all very amicablr and painless but when i met now DH everything became exciting and fresh again! Also... i have known unexpected death and illness in those close to me
That can be very very humbling. If nothing like that resonates and you can't put your finger quite on the issue, maybe a quick visit to your GP. Just to see how you're feeling.

GratuitousSaxandViolins Sat 26-Nov-16 23:47:53

You are at the toughest stage at it is a hard slog. This sounds very familiar to me - you're probably knackered, not being intellectually challenged not finding any time for yourself any more, even though you wouldn't change having kids for the world.

Mine are older now. It does get better as they get older and you will probably look back and remember these days with fondness. Take some photos for memories to look back at and every now and again step back and just watch your little ones having fun with their toys or making a mess with a pot of yogurt.

Do you have a lot of support also so that you can take a little time out?

notagiraffe Sat 26-Nov-16 23:59:28

rice - it's one of the hardest times for a parent, I think, when they are small and very needy but life is so monotonous you feel you could scream. And it feels like it will go on being that way forever. I remember being told it would fly by and thinking hmm

But it does pass. It won't last forever.

Are there any things you could do that would help you feel like you were making progress in something you wanted. Like, walking with the buggy for a set/increasing time or distance each day to keep fit?

Can you at least vary what it's possible to vary - listen to a wide variety of music, walk round different parts of the neighbourhood, try out new baby groups or classes etc? Could you do some of those free online uni mini-courses while they nap?

midsummabreak Sun 27-Nov-16 00:01:47

I have struggled with the mundaneness of life as a parent too
When it feels like same shit.... different day, what I tend to do is take a break from the routine It is so important to allow both yourself and your family to experience the joy of living again, not just paying bills, putting food on the table, keeping a roof over your heads...

Some stuff I have done
Take a day off work and school, take all the kids for a picnic or morning out somewhere kid friendly. Just take water bottles, snacks/sandwiches and buy then cake or icecream and walk and play in a park. Step off the treadmill and stop to smell the roses.

Have a special but relaxed family dinner or afternoon tea. Get the older kids to help, have music playing and dance together while getting it ready, have a giggle, be sillyPut some flowers on the table, have some favourite foods. Make them feel special and give them each a small packet of chips/chocolate bar -but first they need to say one nice thing that they are thankful for that someone at the table did for them in the last matter how small it is ('cept the baby can't speak yet- when old enough they can say "ta" smile Chat with the kids, get to know them again. Have a laugh Listen to how they are and what makes them sad or happy. 3.

Learn something new . Do you want to try a new hobby/exercise? For me I just started weekly meditation & yoga again after 20 years, and it is so relaxing and makes a huge difference to how I feel and facing another week of full time work with 4 kids 10-17. And the kids have a laugh about my chatting about the classes and funny positions I had trouble doing/the sexy yoga teacher (it's not just me, all the younger women & men hug him and fawn over him after class!)

Do whatever you need to do to start feeling sane and like you again, otherwise PND becomes more and more likely Been there and I still struggle at times/ You are definitely not alone xxxooo

IMissGrannyW Sun 27-Nov-16 00:20:17

Some lovely advice on this thread.

I'd add... .Some people are into "babies". They LURVE them. I was not. I loved mine. I loved her to pieces, but I didn't love the baby stage. Would have loved more than one child, but it wasn't an option for me. And I'd waited nearly 15 years to have one. NO ONE would have thought I'd done anything other than adored it. But I was BORED and we were so, so tired (because she was an early riser).

And it seemed to go on forever.

But then she got bigger. And for me that was a win, because we got language and just all the things you get when they grow and develop. And I love mine a gazillion times more than I did back then. But I look back on those days and want to weep for what I've lost, and how I didn't make more of it and appreciate it while I could.
I TOTALLY get how it seems endless, but it passes and you NEVER get that time back. And that window of you being their entire world (which seems hideous at the time) is tiny. And I'd give my eye-teeth for 10 minutes with that now.

In practical terms, I'd say to you - if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. So look to make changes (excellent suggestions above) and make the days different.

Good luck. x x x

FabFiveFreddie Sun 27-Nov-16 00:24:27

With small kids that age it's unrelentingly mundane. Same shit, 7 days a week. Utterly depressing. Until I thought back to my own childhood and realized that that continuity and stability and repetition and predictability provided me such security and warmth, a real sense of security and belonging. These are the routines your children will remember. This is their life and at this age the only way they know life can be. You're building their foundation for them.

Still mundane as shit, mind.

AbernathysFringe Sun 27-Nov-16 00:24:55

What Miss Granny said. Have to keep kicking myself to do that.

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