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AIBU to expect 'D'P to back me up on the Santa thing..?

(182 Posts)
Tillyscoutsmum Sat 26-Nov-16 19:59:56

Had the shittest week in a very shit year so may be over reacting (and happy to be told if that's the case but please be gentle 😢)

So DD is 9 (and a fairly "young" 9) She came home a couple years of weeks ago and said that one of her friends at school has told her Santa didn't exist. She asked me whether he did and I could tell that she still wanted to believe but was just looking for me to confirm that he did. I don't necessarily agree with outright lying and I know some parents don't agree with the whole Santa charade at all, but personally, I feel it adds a bit of "magic" to Christmas and would like to keep it up for as long as is reasonably possible. With that in mind, I just asked her how she thought the presents got there and who she thought ate the mince pie etc. and she seemed reassured that her friend must be wrong. I did tell her that some people chose to believe and others didn't and that it was up to her. This conversation also took place in front of 6 year old DS, so whilst I acknowledge that 9 is a reasonable age to start getting doubts, I really wanted to avoid planting any seeds of doubt in DS' mind.

DP was there during the convo. For clarity, he is not their dad and is a relatively new relationship (about 2 and half years but only involved with DCs for a year or so). During the convo and in front of both dcs, he starts shaking his head and saying "You should tell them the truth". I tried to shush him but DD asked him whether he 'believed' and he said he didn't because he was an adult. DD kept then asking me, getting quite upset and begging me to tell her the truth so I came clean at bedtime (just me and her) and we had a little cry about how she was growing up and a tiny bit of the magic would be gone for her and she must promise to go along with it all in front of DS until he's a bit older and starts having doubts his self. I was pissed off with DP but didn't really say anything.

So yesterday we were at a Xmas light switch on complete with the big, red fella. DS is excited and DD is playing along. DP then starts making comments again implying that he's not real. I asked him very calmly to please not express his cynicism in front of DS. He then proceeds to shout at me, telling me DS is a bright lad and will work it out for himself soon enough. It got quite heated and I've been offish with him today (hoping for an apology tbh). It's just blown up again and he's accused me of being a "psycho" about Christmas and said I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He reckons I put too much emphasis on Christmas and making it special and says I'm doing it to get one over on ex h 😵 (Blatantly not true btw. I've always loved Christmas).

Sorry. That was really long (and dull)

So AIBU? Or is he a twat??

itstheyearzero Sat 26-Nov-16 20:01:27

He's a twat.

weeblueberry Sat 26-Nov-16 20:02:04


MrsHathaway Sat 26-Nov-16 20:02:20

We don't even do FC and I think he's being a twat.

Gizlotsmum Sat 26-Nov-16 20:03:05

He's a twat...

HighwayDragon1 Sat 26-Nov-16 20:03:22

He's a twat. I'd consider ltb'ing tbh

ditzychick34 Sat 26-Nov-16 20:03:53


Champagneformyrealfriends Sat 26-Nov-16 20:04:24

What a twat. Please tell us he has some redeeming features?!

annielouise Sat 26-Nov-16 20:05:01

He's so much of a twat if I were you I don't think I'd see a future with him. How dare he!

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 26-Nov-16 20:05:32

I would tell him "Santa doesn't exist...and neither do you anymore. Bye bye" and then throw him out.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 26-Nov-16 20:05:54


TheSoapyFrog Sat 26-Nov-16 20:05:57

He's definitely a twat.

annielouise Sat 26-Nov-16 20:06:11

Smug immature arsehole that doesn't have kids yet thinks he knows it all.

SidseBabettKnudsen Sat 26-Nov-16 20:06:38

Twat. Dump.

ThoraGruntwhistle Sat 26-Nov-16 20:06:42

I'm going to have to go with 'twat' as well. Why would he want to deliberately ruin the magic for children whilst they're still young enough to believe? Twatbadger.

onedayimightforget Sat 26-Nov-16 20:07:07

Yeah, he's a twat. And that's being kind.

RegentsParkWolf Sat 26-Nov-16 20:07:29

He's a twat. But we're all twats sometimes and you've had a shit year. Maybe this isn't about Father Christmas? Do you think you can clear the air before Christmas gets out of hand? Maybe your expectations are different? (But he was being a twat so YANBU!)

ChuckGravestones Sat 26-Nov-16 20:07:34

Do you really want this joyless funsucker in your life? Bloody hell I'm as cynical as they come but that's just ridiculous.

DailyMaui Sat 26-Nov-16 20:07:40

Massive twat. Who tries to ruin the magic of Christmas?

Rainydayspending Sat 26-Nov-16 20:08:14

Doing Christmas stuff now, YABU. Why does it look to your dp you are trying to get one over on exh? It sounds as if he's pretty fucked off in your relationship already as to him you're dancing to the ex's tune/ in some passive aggressive competition?

Handsoffmysweets Sat 26-Nov-16 20:08:56

Please please please use potatoes line for getting rid of this absolute twat OP. What kind of spiteful arsehole wants to ruin the magic of Christmas for children? Something tells me that if you let him further into your life 'Santa Gate' will be the tip of the iceberg...

positivity123 Sat 26-Nov-16 20:10:11

NOT fair of him to spoil the magic. Don't let him try and wriggle out of this, he's totally in the wrong
Is he a good step dad as he sounds mean?

cunningartificer Sat 26-Nov-16 20:11:20

Just mean. Has he got issues about his own Christmas experience? Does he associate being grown-up with not having santa around? 🎄

MinnieMinchkin Sat 26-Nov-16 20:12:17

He's showing no consideration for how you want to parent your own children in this matter. If he's always like this you need to minimise contact he has with your DCs.

Atenco Sat 26-Nov-16 20:13:09

A twat and I hate Santa

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