Mum friend has told me off for using the word 'bugger'

[OohMavis]

Because her 3yo has been saying it, and she thinks the only person she knows who uses the word is me. She isn't happy.

Now, I'll hold my hands up and fully acknowledge that not everyone considers the word bugger to be an innocuous, and at times endearing, way to refer to your children And in any other circumstance I would have profusely apologised.

Except... her 3yo swears like a sailor seriously, the kid swears more than me. We all went out shopping together once, me and her and all of our kids, and he spent the entire time hollering FUUUUUCCCK CCCUUUNNNTT from the back seat. She said it's because he hears her swear all the time.

AIBU in thinking that the odd utterance of bugger is the least of her worries, and that she is taking the piss a bit in getting so annoyed with me? She hasn't stopped swearing, she isn't making an effort to stop him swearing. This telling-off has come out of the blue!

[TheoriginalLEM]

Well id rather be fucked than buggered!

[ZbZb]

Bigger is not an acceptable word to use in the US and Canada. I found that out 😂

I don't think you should use it in front of kids in the UK either. Little ids swearing is awful and not the least bit funny.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

She cant really complain much about the word bugger, when he's picked up cunt from her.

[OohMavis]

I know, I know

And like I said I'd have apologised if not for every other word coming out of the kid's mouth being 'cunt', you know?

I just looked at her like

[Ohdearducks]

Tell her to fuck off and get a grip. She's looking for a scapegoat to absolve herself of responsibility for her child's bad language.

[QueenArseClangers]

She sounds a bit if shit parent (and her partner if applicable) if her 3 year old is hearing 'cunt' and 'fuck' so frequently that he absorbs it into his toddler lexicon and uses it

[Cubtrouble]

A 3 year old uses the words fuck and cunt and the mother has said those words in front of the child enough that he's picked it up and uses them?

That is vile. In fact you are both vile for swearing in front of any child. Kindly think of parents who have bothered to bring their children up properly. That child is going to end up in a classroom unfortunately. Thankfully not the one my child is in.

You should both be ashamed of yourselves.

[PortiaCastis]

Tell her to bend over

[fruityb]

I'm from Yorkshire. Being a bit of a bugger, or buggerlugs, or you look a bugger in that are all terms of endearment! It's never had any unwholesome connotations to me.

[OohhThatsMe]

You both sound awful, OP, in the way you're talking in front of the children. She's far worse than you, but what makes you think 'bugger' is suitable for a little child?

[QueenArseClangers]

And if she uses those words so regularly then it's no great assumption to think that she'll call the child by them. Poor kid. I'm sure nursery/playgroup would flag this up too.

[MommaGee]

Yeah your mom can't really complain about bugger if she's using fuck and cunt in front of her child! I'd tell her you're sorry she's picked up bugger from you but at least the fuck and cunt isn't your fault!!

[OohMavis]

My children don't even know what swearwords are, Cub, so I'll hold off on being ashamed for now, thanks.

I grew up with the word bugger being used affectionately, so it's just a habit really. Even so I do try not to use it. I don't swear at all otherwise!

Just baffled by her comments given the context.

[OohMavis]

fruity that's precisely how it's used here too.

[OldRosesDoomed]

Well, when he was about six our ds had picked up a fair few swear words, including: fuck, shit, bloody, wanker, and bugger.

DH took matters into his own hands and said if he was going to use such words he would learn their definitions and how to spell them correctly. He sat him down in his study with the big dictionary, lined paper and a pencil.

DH drew the line at "bugger" a seemingly innocuous word. At about 10/11, when told off for the "F" word ds rolled his eyes and just said very rationally "mummy, you do realise it's merely Anglo Saxon for copulation"

[PelvicFloorClenchReminder]

But 'bugger' is in the pixar film Cars though, for children! How can it not be acceptable in the USA if they put it in their children's films?

[kali110]

Yes bugger isn't a swear where i'm from either.
The op is vile and hasn't bought up her child properly, when the parent has being using the word 'cunt' and 'fuck' around her own child?

[coldcanary]

Tell her to bugger off!
Sorry.
Bugger is practically a term of endearment in these parts, like the poster up there ^^ buggerlugs is also commonly used so most people don't bat an eyelid when it's said. She has bigger problems if her child is sweating like a trooper though & needs to sort her own mouth out.

[coldcanary]

Or swearing like a trooper.

[happypoobum]

I am in the south east and bugger has very clear gay sex connotations here.

I don't think many people would use the word in front of their DC, but I appreciate it might have a different meaning elsewhere.

Either way, she does have a nerve accusing you of giving her son bad habits when she uses words like cunt so frequently he picks it up. I think your response of just looking at her is probably correct. If you had taken umbrage she might have called you a fucking cunt

If she brings it up again, I would tell her to look a bit closer to home before she starts accusing other people of teaching her child swear words.

[thenightsky]

I'm from Yorkshire and we use bugger almost as a term of endearment.

Cunt and fuck are awful.

[YouTheCat]

Her child clearly has a gap in his vocabulary. Can you make sure you teach him 'twat' before you tell his mother to fuck off with her righteous indignation.

[Serialweightwatcher]

I think it's because she knows she's such a potty mouth herself - the bugger - and other people must have commented on her child's language, therefore she needs someone to put some blame on to and that's you unfortunately .

[youarenotkiddingme]

I thought bugger was a term of endearment too.

But a 'bad word' used as a term of endearment to show they really have pushed the boundaries.

I have referred to my son as a 'demand avoidant little bugger' numerous times to school staff they seem not to mind and just agree thoigh! (He's autistic!)

I don't like Ds swearing but he seems to just use words. Last week in aldi he decided it was the appropriate time to tell me someone at school called him a fucking cunt and ask what it meant.