Motorbike for 5yr old(11 Posts)
Exh texted late last night to tell me he's bought our 5 year old son a mini motorbike and will be taking him racing.
Pic for reference.
Ex does all that he can to upset me using our son and this is more of that. He is was mentally abusive and really nasty. This is all about him (cos he's a narcissist) . Ds shows no interest in this stuff. Ds likes dinosaurs and outdoors. He likes his push bike but wouldn't say he's that competent on it.
Not sure what my aibu is. Aibu to be shit scared of Ds being seriously injured or killed? Aibu to want to protect Ds from his idiot incompetent selfish father?
If the bike is a decent one, and the racing is done at a proper site which enforces the rules and use of safety equipment, it's a relatively safe, and fun activity. Probably safer than him using a pushbike on the street which he'll eventually do.
I know some 10/11 year old kids who race motorbikes to a very good standard they started about 5. I also know a 6 year old that was bought a motorbike because the Dad had aspirations of him riding and racing the kid hated it and about 6 months later it was sold to buy the kid a Xbox. So as it's not anything you can really influence either it will be the start of a fun hobby for your DS or an expensive mistake for your ex.
Well as long as he has the full leathers , gloves, helmet etc., leave him to it.
This is not about whether or not motor bike racing is a sensible choice of sport to introduce a 5 yo too.
This is about that your ExH knows how to push your buttons and hurt/worry you.
I'd deprive him of the outraged response he is probably expecting/waiting for. Don't comment at all. Or reply 'I see'.
Was your ExH ever abusive/careless/dangerous around your DS? That would of course be a game changer. I gather he has regular access to him?
Consider becoming a Grey Rock - not saying your Ex is a psychopath (but you refer to him as a narcissist), but some of these techniques might be useful since you will have to have contact with him b/o your child.
Oddly I had a friend a few years back who was in exactly this same situation with a nasty ex who also bought his very young son a motorbike, knowing full well that it would worry her.
If it's any consolation, the whole thing basically fizzled out because her little boy wasn't remotely interested and showed no enthusiasm whatsoever, which pissed the dad off. The kid went on the motorbike a few times but didn't take to it, and whenever his dad tried to take him racing he showed no real enthusiasm and whinged about the noise. His dad couldn't cope with him being sullen and stroppy, and then lost interest himself when it became obvious that he wasn't going to be able to show off to the other dads about his child's brilliant biking skills - and was also embarrassed that son didn't like noise, mud or the smell of fuel and was scared of falling off, as he was the sort of dad who wanted his kid to some sort of macho tough guy. After about three months the bike was left in the dad's parents' garage where it was left to rot and never spoken of again.
So, I think the best that could happen is that your son will really enjoy racing on his bike and it will a nice thing for him - and kids' bike racing clubs take every possible step to ensure the children are safe, so I don't think you need to worry too much about that. The worst that could happen is probably that the bike will be a flash in the pan and a waste of your ex's money.
As others have said, it's not really about the bike; it's about the fact that your ex appears to be doing this to upset you and wind you up. The best thing you can do is just say 'Oh, OK. Hopefully DS will enjoy that' and say no more about it - if he knows you're worried, he'll exploit that, but if you make it clear you're not going to rise to the bait, he doesn't have the upper hand.
Thank you pacific and littlesallyracket. I am aware enough that he is doing this for maximum upset. I have ignored it but I'm sure there will be more needling.
He is seeing Ds for contact but he is not allowed by court order to have him overnight unsupervised. I do have concerns about his ability to safeguard Ds.
Im not so worried about the track but if ex takes Ds to practice. I know this is illegal but that won't worry ex. He thinks he's above the law.
How do kids practice though? Do they do it all at track and race after practice?
I try hard at gray Rock (thanks for the article). Hadn't heard that term before but I know the approach is the best way.
I suspect Ds won't like it due to the noise. As a narcissist, ex is interested in Ds as extension of himself so he does what he is interested in not Ds.
If it makes you feel better motorbikes (for children) are much safer than horses?
Not helpful I know but if he's not interested then his Dad will get bored. This is purely to bait you.
Also practising isn't illegal, in fact I doubt your ex will bother going to trouble of entering him in a race. Most of what they do at the track is practice. Riding bikes on any random bit of ground without permission and being permitted IS illegal and local police forces are really clamping down now. They'll just confiscate and crush the bike. I really really doubt your ex will do this as a mini moto isn't that manoeuvrable when not on the track anyway.
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