To be pissed he's not home yet

[Mehfruittea]

DH went out with work friends for their xmas meal today. His work usually have 4 different get togethers for team, dept, whole company etc. He finished at 2pm and had a meal booked. It's been planned for ages. But...

He went out on Wednesday night so I had to do everything by myself, get tea done, feed child bath and bed etc. Thursday I had to take DS to a birthday party that was 1 hr drive, then 2 hrs and 1 hr back. Today I had to take him to an after school club that involves another 1hour drive each way plus 1 hour while there. Then tomorrow we have a meal with friends that has been planned for a very long time, plus football and school fair. Argh! I'm disabled, suffer from chronic pain and am currently going through withdrawal from fentanyl (that's another thread). I'm so fucking tired. And I'm losing my job right now so been very stressed, not sleeping. Had an interview today which I had to travel for. My plate is fucking full.

So I spoke to DH at 5pm and told him I was feeling really unwell and struggling. Could he come home within next 2 hours? Yes, I'll call you in an hour, he said. So I hoped he'd be home by 7. I could finish bath time and hand over to DH to do the bedtime, which is a total fucking nightmare. It's now 9.15pm DS still awake. "What if my gloves don't fit me when I'm 10?" DH phone is off, no call since 5pm. AIBU? He doesn't actually go out that often, it's just this week has turned in to a shitstorm of clashes.

[ExitPursuedBySpartacus]

Well what are you going to do about the gloves?

[OnePlanOnHouzz]

YANBU
He said 7pm - I'd be miffed too !!

[TheLobsterRollPlease]

I think YABU it is only 9.30 (well nearly) he has gone to a Xmas Meal, let him have his fun, his phone is probably dead, I am sure he'll be home soon.

[Thattimeofyearagain]

Yanbu if he gets 4 - he could curtail this one to help you out. I'm another chronic pain sufferer

[FatOldBag]

YANBU. You are in pain and struggling, he should give a shit about that, especially as it's bad enough that you asked him for help (and he agreed). He's chosen to carry on partying, which he's already been doing for 6 hours or so, instead of helping you. He's supposed to love and care for you. What a selfish prick.

[moreslackthanslick]

After 6 hours of daytime drinking I doubt he would be of much help to you anyway. Sorry you're having a rough time.

[Seekingadvice123]

YABU
It's his works Xmas night out.
Sorry you are in pain but you said he hardly goes out

You know he had this planned.
As for the party and after school club well that's just part of having kids. It's not as if this sort of situation is happening all the time. Seems a bit mean to demand he retuns hime because it's been a busy week

[brummiesue]

Sorry yabu
Its his xmas do, its not a weekly event and it was just unlucky that you have so many other things on with your children this week as well
Cut him some slack

[Vanillamanilla1]

I think Yabu
Leave him be its his works Xmas do, it's pre planned.

[Areyoufree]

YANBU. If he didn't think it was fair for him to come back, then he should have said so, rather than leaving you waiting. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time, OP.

[Mehfruittea]

He doesn't often go out but when he does, he is often like this. It's rare for him to come home when he says he will. He also said he was driving. So should be able to make his excuses over the 2 hours I said I was happy for him to continue being out for. He has probably left his car at work and is drunk. The last time he did this he spent £250 on one night out. I'm losing my job and we can't afford this!

He has to take DS to football tomorrow for 9am. He will still be drunk/over the limit and with no car. So I will have to cancel my physio appointment, private treatment I pay for to help with my chronic pain, and as it's short notice I will have to pay for the session anyway.

He's forgotten his keys so I have to stay awake to let him in or leave the door unlocked. I'm seriously so tired and ill right now, I can't do this!

[Thattimeofyearagain]

Its 1 out of 4 , read the op people !

[Gileswithachainsaw]

It's hardly your husbands fault you are agreeing to take your kids to stuff that's an hour or more away. If it's pre planned you knew all about it.

Yes he should be more considerate about how long he stays out and generally trying to be more supportive.

However you can't agree to do all this stuff when you know it's too much then expect your dh to cancel his work night out that's been planned fir ages because the inevitable happens

[TheLobsterRollPlease]

Selfish sod. Is he often like this?

^^ OP has said he doesn't go out often, so I don't know why you are calling him selfish.. It feels as if some people on here are out to break up other peoples relationships

[TheLobsterRollPlease]

Sorry posted too soon.

[wherethefuckisthefuckingtuna]

If he hadn't said he would be back by 7, I'd say YABU. But he did say he would be back by 7 and hadn't come back by 9.

He's being an arse. YANBU.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

A fair compromise however would he to not get so drunk he can't function the next day.

That is selfish and pathetic

[neonrainbow]

Why is it his fault you agreed to take your kids to an activity and a party an hours drive each way?!

[FeralBeryl]

YANBU - however, he said at 5 he would call in an hour. Is that what he said? Because if I'd have said that, it wouldn't necessarily have meant I was then going to automatically leave. If that even makes sense
He is being a bit thoughtless though and I'm sorry you're in pain and coming off fentanyl-have you been provided with an alternative analgesia though? It's important they are still managing your pain

[Underthemoonlight]

Tbh I think parenting is all about give and take and if he doesn't get the opportunity to social often I do think Yabu. If you're tired you didn't need to do all the extra stuff you've done.

[coffeequeen91]

My god, how is the fact it's his Xmas do more important than op being in pain?!

I would be livid if my other half stayed out after I rang him in pain

[Mehfruittea]

He is my carer, whether I like it or not.
He planned to drive.
He planned to be sober.
He planned other commitments for me to follow through on.
He refused to support me in two previous attempts to reduce my dose of fentanyl, so I reduced it without 'asking permission' this time. I told him last night. He apologised for being a dick and not supporting me.
I've been warning him all week about the pile-up of commitments that I am going to have to get through. He knew it would be tough.
He is playing Father Christmas at the school Christmas fair tomorrow and cannot still be drunk.
Unless you have experienced chronic pain and long term exhaustion you will never know what it feels like. Life goes on and I can't give up and not do things for DS. Equally DH can't never go out. But when he does, I need him to behave like a grown up and stop making it so fucking hard for me. Because next time he talks about a night out I will find it difficult to be supportive.

And now it's 10pm...almost.

[wherethefuckisthefuckingtuna]

PS. I have MS, so you have my every sympathy re chronic pain and fatigue.

Some of these people saying you've basically brought this on yourself by actually planning stuff for your kids, have no idea what it's like to live with a chronic illness. And what it's like when the person you are forced to rely on, lets you down.