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To be relieved at an ASD diagnosis

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MrsBB1982 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:17:34

Posting for traffic I guess.

There's a lot of back story but my DS has hard a hard time with school including being taken out for a while before restarting at a new school.

At his old school we were made to feel he was just plain naughty and we needed to discipline him more words like violent, unruly, disruptive, unempathetic and unkind were used...about a 4 year old. It was heartbreaking.

His new school have been great. They took us aside and suggested this was not just naughtiness but something else.

They were right. He's been diagnosed with mild Aspergers syndrome. Since the diagnosis and some measures have been put in place he's been showing himself to be the wonderful boy we know and love at school as well as at home. We've seen him laugh and joke in a way we've never seen before.

I thought I'd be so sad at the diagnosis but I feel so guilty that I'm not. I'm relirked, almost happy. Surely that's not the right response?

Mouthofmisery Fri 25-Nov-16 20:20:00

This is exactly right to feel like this. It's a huge relief, you can attribute behaviours to something and it explains it all to you (and him). Also it rules out anything worse. Once you have a diagnosis you can seek solutions. I almost want to say congratulations but you know what I mean. X

MoMandaS Fri 25-Nov-16 20:20:26

'Mild' Asperger's Syndrome?

Sirzy Fri 25-Nov-16 20:22:39

I felt the same.

For me it confirmed what I already knew deep down, so it was a relief to have the official "stamp" which means the support will be available more.

That said it's only been a few weeks since we got that confirmation and I have had days where I feel sad, or mixed emotions and things but overall is a relief

LittleMissUpset Fri 25-Nov-16 20:24:30

YANBU at all, we are awaiting assessment for my 10 year old, and if he is on the spectrum he gets access to support and so do I.

The way I see it is he won't change if he does have it, he's still the same, it just means we can understand his behaviour more and get support. I see it as a positive thing.

MrsBB1982 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:24:44

They say mild I think because he's high functioning and it's not been picked up until now I think. I'm not an expert so it's all new to me. They were saying he shows the signs of aspergers but has the capacity to learn how to read emotions but instead of intuitively being able to understand how someone feels he has to learn it logically. For example these facial expressions mean someone is sad so maybe you should do x, y or z

SloanePeterson Fri 25-Nov-16 20:24:52

You could be talking about my own ds. And no, it's not wrong to feel relief. He's now 8 and was only diagnosed this year, having spent his first two years at a school that just ignored his needs, and having now been at a much better school for a further two years. Having those difficulties recognised for what they are rather than labelled as just naughty is going to be a massive help for everyone. Prepare for feeling up and down about it all. At first I too was very relieved as its been a long, hard battle for us. Diagnosis in our area is notoriously hard to secure, and it's been awful knowing what was wrong with our ds but having his original paediatrician unwilling to recognise it. Will you now be under CAMHS care? We've found them much better than the paediatric team we were initially under. I have days where I actually feel crushed knowing night just a phase as so many people told us, and that things are going to be a struggle for a long time yet. But a diagnosis is a good thing, please don't feel guilty about your relief.

Toadinthehole Fri 25-Nov-16 20:25:05


I cried when one of my DCs was diagnosed. The specialist thought I was upset. Actually I was crying with relief because I had finally been vindicated.

SloanePeterson Fri 25-Nov-16 20:26:35

Also, going back to your op, I was led to believe that they don't diagnose aspergers anymore, that it all falls under the ASD banner. Has he taken part in an ados test? Very unusual to get that diagnosis nowadays.

MrsBB1982 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:28:30

toadinthehole I know exactly what you mean. I did the same! The SEN teacher at the school got put one of her many boxes of tissues. I was just relieved because I went to the meeting expecting to be told either he had 'an issue' or we were bad parents who needed to be stricter.

puglife15 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:29:42

No yanbu it must be a relief to have a diagnosis and something that can help you and others understand your child more. How much you want to label him is up to you.

ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon Fri 25-Nov-16 20:29:46

Do they still diagnose Asperger's? I thought they had absorbed it into Autism Spectrum Disorder. Also, I didn't think they could officially confirm 'mild' or otherwise at such a young age - though obviously informally they could say that it was likely to end up being considered mild.

Not doubting you OP just interested as I thought the process had changed.

MrsBB1982 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:31:14

sloane you're right. I'm paraphrasing. They actually said it was ASD but people still recognise the term aspergers and that's the closest 'label' he could give him to help others who didn't understand ASD know what his problems were. I think he actually said 'we could look at through the lens of aspergers'

ToastDemon Fri 25-Nov-16 20:37:13

They still diagnose Aspergers in some areas. The Neurobehavioural Clinical near me still does.

FeistyColl Fri 25-Nov-16 20:40:52

YNBU . You will probably feel a whole range of emotions as time passes. And different ones on different days. But it is great that your DS's diagnosis has led to the right strategies being put in place

BTW for people querying a diagnosis of Asperger's, there are 2 international diagnostic manuals. If the diagnosing professional is referring to the ICD 10 then it still includes separate subcategories including Asperger's. The other one is the DSM 5 which no longer differentiates in that way.

MrsBB1982 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:41:26

Whatevery it is exactly at least we know. I'm torn between the knowledge that at least we haven't failed him as parents but equally it's hard knowing this is something we will all have to deal with forever. We just so desperately want life to be easy and straightforward for him. But it can't be now I suppose. That's a really awful.thought...he'll always have this in the background

Manumission Fri 25-Nov-16 20:42:40

They say mild I think because he's high functioning and it's not been picked up until now I think. I'm not an expert so it's all new to me

Were these professionals!?

IME everyone who understands anything at all about autism is doing their level best to kill the 'mild Aspergers' trope stone dead confused

formerbabe Fri 25-Nov-16 20:43:50

I'm not surprised you are relieved. You now have an explanation for why things have been the way they have and you can now ensure he can get the help he needs. Knowledge is power and all that.

MrsBB1982 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:45:41

He's a specialist in special needs and the assessment has been done in conjunction with two SEN teachers. He was just saying that although it's ASD a lot of people 'outside' will understand the term aspergers.

Manumission Fri 25-Nov-16 20:48:14

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MistressMerryWeather Fri 25-Nov-16 20:48:38

Regarding Asperger's, I believe the proper diagnoses is high functioning autism (HFA) but DS1's paediatrician did mention Asperger's because it's what a lot of people would have heard of.

There is still a debate going on surrounding HFA and AS.

Honestly, it could have been as simple as the OP mentioning AS and the specialist she was speaking to replying 'Yes, yes like Asperger's only milder'.

Manumission Fri 25-Nov-16 20:52:22

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsBB1982 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:52:47

Oh dear. I was hoping to get some words of advice about how I'm feeling about his diagnosis but I'm feeling slightly cross examined about what his actual diagnosis is. The team just felt he had ASD and mentioned that the closest term we might have heard of was aspergers. He felt it was most similar to that. To me, that was helpful because I had heard of it. If I'm honest. That sounded less frightening than autistic spectrum so maybe I've latched onto it. It was more a post about my reaction to tgat diagnosis I guess

MistressMerryWeather Fri 25-Nov-16 20:53:59

MrsBB, I believe relief is one of the most common reaction, especially when you have a child who is being assessed while already in school.

I'm absolutely delighted that your DS is benefiting so much from the extra help he now receives. Long may it continue.

MistressMerryWeather Fri 25-Nov-16 20:56:47

Jesus Christ, Manumission the OP clearly didn't mean any harm.

Lay the fuck off.

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