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(90 Posts)
Trollmantroll Fri 25-Nov-16 19:53:08

AIBU To think that if dp has enough money to go to the pub they should have enough money to contribute to food and living expenses?

arethereanyleftatall Fri 25-Nov-16 19:59:01

Yanbu from the sounds of it, but possibly more info needed - what does dp contribute?

fc301 Fri 25-Nov-16 19:59:31

I think you know the answer to this.

anyoldname76 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:00:52

yes, but im guessing there must be some sort of backstory to this. why doesnt he contribute already?

Trollmantroll Fri 25-Nov-16 20:05:42

Pays for Netflix and broadband and most of our three dd's clothes. Money has been a bit if an issue and im stressing. Dp said was off to pub tonight. Just wound me up is all as said only had £3 in the world this week and I spent £500 fixing dps card yesterday.

anyoldname76 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:09:23

you spent £500 fixing his car leaving you with £3? why would you do that if he doesnt contribute much. if finances ate separate for whatever reason then surely his car is his to sort out

Trollmantroll Fri 25-Nov-16 20:16:50

It is dps car but dp does school run in it and brakes were fubarred so needed sorting. It was dp who said only had £3 and now is off to pub. Just grumpy is all.

GrizzyFrontBum Sat 26-Nov-16 09:12:52

Have you talked to him about it? How are finances split? Does he earn a lot more? I'm confused - or is he a stay at home dad? Because if he is doing school runs and stuff?

Trollmantroll Sat 26-Nov-16 09:57:00

Dp is self employed photographer and on call fire fighter which equates to not much income. Dp does most school runs as is close to home. I'm a solicitor and earn most of the cash. It'd not the numbers just annoyed at dp pleading poverty then going down the pub with work colleagues. Finances aren't joint as dp wen t bankrupt a few years back and I can't allow bad credit as it would affect my fitness to practice.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 26-Nov-16 10:02:15

I may be going against the grain here but if you are the breadwinner then you will have to pay for the bread!

I'm not saying your DP shouldn't be contributing if he has some money, but he can't be left with absolutely nothing (ie no money to spend on anything he enjoys) as that is not much of an existence is it.

If the car is used for the school run then that is an expense for your child as well as his so you paying for at least half does not seem unreasonable. It may be his car but it's used for something that both of you are responsible for (ie your child getting to school).

Does he pay for any of the mortgage/electricity bills/council tax?

BastardGoDarkly Sat 26-Nov-16 10:07:11

When he announced his pub plans, did you not say.. Thought you only had £3? .. I'd probably be a bit annoyed too, drinking in pubs costs a bomb.

But I agree, the cars your dcs school transport, so needed fixing it of the family pot.

SaucyJack Sat 26-Nov-16 10:08:51

Who does the bulk of the childcare and housework? Are all the DC of school age?

Would you have money in your personal account to go out for a drink?

Too many questions need answering before we can jump on the cocklodger bandwagon.

GrizzyFrontBum Sat 26-Nov-16 10:11:38

Think we are all missing the point here HE'S A FIREFIGHTER!!

Was he out all night getting twatted?

plimsolls Sat 26-Nov-16 10:24:42

It sounds like he is a (mostly) SAHD. If he does most of the childcare and chores whilst he's not put working then I think it's fair he contributes less money to the post and he should also be "allowed" to go to the pub.

But disingenuous to say you paid to fix his car if it's essential to take your kids to school.

Is there are wider issue about your feelings of being the main earner?

00100001 Sat 26-Nov-16 10:27:19

frizzy what does him being a fire fighter have anything to do with this? confused

Trollmantroll Sat 26-Nov-16 10:29:39

Absolutely no probs with fixing dps car as it does get used for school run. Kids all at school from 9 till 5 most days. In fairness dp wasn't that late. Must have caught on to my moody vibes. And no dp doesn't pay into mortgage or utilities. Says has not enough money and if I mention it I am being economically abusive.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass Sat 26-Nov-16 10:31:45


So? I doubt very much that he was on call at the time.

GrizzyFrontBum Sat 26-Nov-16 10:32:19

0010001 because firefighters are bravery and awesome if you ask me

OP I'm confused is your partner a woman? Are you married?

VikingVolva Sat 26-Nov-16 10:32:40

I agree with the previous poster, breadwinner buys the bread. Which means yes you do cover things like the car costs.

if he has only £3 for spends, that's still his to spend as he wishes.

Is your remaining 'pocked money' that low too?

If you want a higher earning partner, because you do not want to be the breadwinner, then that's a way bigger question than an adult wanting a night a pub.

WorraLiberty Sat 26-Nov-16 10:37:34

You need to sit down and speak to her/him (since you're leaving their gender out of this) and sort out a financial plan.

Otherwise the resentment will build and build.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 26-Nov-16 10:52:33

Any ideas about how much he spent in the pub? If he didn't come home leathered you can presume it wasn't much more than £10-£15.

How often does he go down the pub?

Trifleorbust Sat 26-Nov-16 10:55:27

Sounds like you are not happy with him being a SAHD. You are saying you're happy to pay for the car because it is used for your DD. Does that mean you are not happy to pay for him to have a few drinks with his mates? If you were the SAHP, would you accept a scenario in which you were only allowed to spend money if it was for your child, and were never allowed to spend anything for yourself?

This situation is complicated but he fact that he is technically working from home, not a SAHP, and you sound like you resent this.

Trifleorbust Sat 26-Nov-16 11:11:45

Sorry, to be fair, I missed that the kids are in school. Difficult one. His income is so considerably less than yours that it's not surprising you are going to end up paying for most things. With that said, if he is spending money on the pub when you as a family can't afford it, that's not acceptable. Assuming you don't have joint accounts?

Trollmantroll Sat 26-Nov-16 11:14:10

Tbh once all the bills are paid we're in the red. I don't really resent dp a night out just barked at the timing after the car etc.also as dp is on call for a lot of the week it's always a painful conversation if I ask for a night out and questions about how long I will be. Have suggested dp get a normal 9 -5 job as it would be more income and steady money but didn't go down too well.

Trifleorbust Sat 26-Nov-16 11:19:38

Sounds like he does need to consider a job that contributes more to the family finances, if you are struggling financially at the moment. What was his reaction?

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