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To want to phone the number I found on DH's mobile

(58 Posts)
Notmyselftonightreally Fri 25-Nov-16 18:27:30

Briefly, he has previous, I found gazillions of calls/deleted texts several years ago. He fronted it out right up until I rang the woman he had started seeing in front of him. She said they hadn't dtd and was horrified he was married as he hadn't told her. It took a long time but we agreed to wipe the slate clean and keep going.

I must admit to still struggling to trust him and tonight something odd happened. He's not very good with phones, and he called me a couple of times today and it came up 'unknown' so when he came in I was like 'what have you done, you plonker, your phone is set wrong'. He said to reset it correctly which I had to fumble around for. And in 'blocked callers' (I was just going thru the menus trying to find how number display came up) there were 2 mobile numbers.

He was talking to me from the kitchen, so I stupidly scribbled doen the numbers and of course he caught me. He snatched the writing pad off me and went thru the pages until he found it. He screwed it up, headed upstairs saying sngrily about lack of trust. He's comp,early destroyed the paper somewhere (and been back and ripped out the page underneath where imprint was).

He's adamant I don't call the numbers which makes me feel he's definitely hiding something. Last time there were a few odd things and he literally denied until it was impossible to continue to do so. I feel like shit :-(

Thattimeofyearagain Fri 25-Nov-16 18:28:45

Sorry, but I'd call them.

fuzzywuzzy Fri 25-Nov-16 18:30:23

If there's no trust is there any point to continuing the relationship?

PNGirl Fri 25-Nov-16 18:32:27

If he was in regular contact with these numbers he wouldn't have blocked them, would he?

Notmyselftonightreally Fri 25-Nov-16 18:32:52

I can't call them, he's taken the paper I wrote thrm down on and destroyed it. Is this me being silly and loan-self esteem or am I right to be worried?

Crunchymum Fri 25-Nov-16 18:35:04

Sounds very iffy.

At best it's innocent and he is genuinely hurt by your lack of trust and at worst he is up to his old tricks...

Rock and hard place come to mind.

Crunchymum Fri 25-Nov-16 18:36:45

Although technically the pp is right. They were actually blocked numbers and you don't block numbers of people you are in regular contact with?

Arfarfanarf Fri 25-Nov-16 18:38:10

Lack of trust due to his actions!
He's got a nerve being cross

I suspect his rage was as a result of his total panic.
I wouldnt trust him either.

Ripping out the paper underneath?
He is desperate to make sure you cant call the numbers.

At the very least you need to tell him he has no right to be angry with you considering he is the one who caused your lack of trust.

He should be feeling upset at what he's put you through. Not angry.

TheNaze73 Fri 25-Nov-16 18:38:34

They're blocked numbers. Don't think you've any need to worry

BlueFolly Fri 25-Nov-16 18:38:47

Sounds well dodgy

Lovepancakes Fri 25-Nov-16 18:39:17

I'm afraid this does sound very odd and I'm so sorry you're facing this stress. It does not sound healthy he was so keen to get rid of the numbers

Tarunsmummy Fri 25-Nov-16 18:41:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 25-Nov-16 18:42:39

It's weird but it's even weirder that he gave you his mobile to tinker with. People who have things to hide on their phones don't just hand them over like that.

MardyGrave Fri 25-Nov-16 18:42:59

I know people who block numbers while they are at home playing the family man and don't want to be disturbed, but unblock once they leave for work or fancy a thrill.

OhhBetty Fri 25-Nov-16 18:45:38

What MardyGrave

So sorry op but I couldn't live not knowing. Getting rid of my cheating ex made me feel like I could finally breathe again. All my anxiety totally went away.

mum11970 Fri 25-Nov-16 18:46:02

I've got loads of blocked numbers on my phone. Everyone of them is a cold caller.

EatsShitAndLeaves Fri 25-Nov-16 18:47:56

My DH has full access to my phone - not just the access code but when I got my new one this week I scanned his fingerprint so he could use it.

Same deal for me with his phone. We've never "discussed" this - it just easier if I need his phone in an emergency or vice versa.

If he saw a number and questioned it I'd tell him. If I didn't know what it was, I'd say so. If he wanted to call it (though I can't see him wanting to) I'd say fine.

Having such an extreme reaction speaks volumes. You ONLY do that if you have something to hide.

Upshot is you don't really need the numbers. He's already told you through his actions that he has something to hide.

So you can choose to not take any action based on "lack" of evidence which is exactly what he wants or you can say "based on your actions I can only assume that you are being unfaithful again. I don't need to prove it, it's actually in your interests to disprove it, which you have chosen not to do. This is as much an admission of guilt as if you had come clean. As such you can pack a bag and fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more. You will hear from my solicitor shortly".

AdmiralCissyMary Fri 25-Nov-16 18:48:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuttsNutts Fri 25-Nov-16 18:51:28

If it looks like fish and smells like fish, it's fish.

He has absolutely no right to be angry with you for doubting him if he destroyed your trust in the first place. If he has nothing to hide, why would he even go to the trouble of destroying the paper with an indentation of the numbers? That really is the action of a man whose default is deception.

Any genuinely remorseful and reformed cheat would be going out of his way to reassure you, not to cover his tracks and try to make you feel that you are in the wrong for being suspicious.

Don't waste years of your life in this cycle though. If the trust is gone, you may never get it back and certainly not if this is his reaction when you wobble.

EatsShitAndLeaves Fri 25-Nov-16 18:51:46

It's not about the blocking folks...

Plenty of us have blocks in place.

It's about him having a totally bizarre reaction to the OP taking a copy of the blocked numbers.

Like a PP said, it's pretty well known people block numbers when the don't want those calls/texts to be received, only to unblock at other times.

JennyPocket Fri 25-Nov-16 18:52:54

OP - he has the cheek to stomp off regarding trust issues when he has that form behind him? Is he actually serious?

Sounds like defensive bluster to me. He is probably shitting it.

MuttsNutts Fri 25-Nov-16 18:54:43

Absolutely EatsShit - blocked numbers, if innocent, are easily explained.

His reaction when you have the nerve to question him is what's important.

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 25-Nov-16 18:56:09

It's not debts is it? Could your DH owe some people money?

OhhBetty Fri 25-Nov-16 18:56:30

What MardyGrave said that should say

Buzzardbird Fri 25-Nov-16 18:56:37

I guess if you haven't told someone you are married then the blocking is a good idea when at home?

My blocked list is massive but all PPI and ambulance chasers.

He also had his phone set on 'withhold number', that in itself is strange.

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