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To move 11 year old to a different school

(30 Posts)
SarahJane333 Fri 25-Nov-16 08:47:42

My dd moved up to the 'feeder' school of her primary in September. Both are private schools - this is relevant. I didn't look around any others as this sschool looked great, nice staff, happy children, good results and so on plus I was led to believe most of the other children would move up so the transition would be nice for her. Turns out about half of the children left to go to other schools, including her best friend. She has a handful of friends but non on her firm class. Last weekend there was a party and every girl in her form class was invited except her. She was a bit upset but has friends in different form classes and overall is happy with school and doesn't really want to move.

Turns out that another school (also private) is a similar distance away from our house - just in a different direction. I've had a look around and it looked great, an older building with more character so it did seem a little fun down compared to her current school, the children looked happy, results are similar to where she's currently at and the fees are 4K a year cheaper!! We have 4 children and in a few years 3 of them will all be at secondary together, so will obviously save us a fortune.

Dd is worried about moving after just starting a new school and I definitely sympathise but it would seem that she hasn't fitted too well into her current form class anyway and perhaps this school might be a better fit. Would it be unfair to move her at the end of this term? I think she would settle quickly and the school did look nice.

Duckstar Fri 25-Nov-16 08:49:49

Don't you have to give a term's notice? If you left end of this term could you afford double fees for a term?

MommaGee Fri 25-Nov-16 08:51:51

She's going to find it a struggle to start with starting a term after everyone has made friends so one question is how easily does she make friends? If you're going to move her inevitably cos of all the other kids, I would think sooner is better in the long term

TheSnowFairy Fri 25-Nov-16 08:51:54

I'm amazed you didn't talk to other parents about their plans - did you really not know her bf was going to a different school?

Anyway. She's happy there and you are considering moving her for £4k? hmm

BarbarianMum Fri 25-Nov-16 08:52:56

Ultimately you're her parent so it's your choice but your reasons (other than financial) seem quite weak to me. She's happy, settled and has friends. In your position id go ahead only if she was ok (if not ecstatic) about it.

itsmine Fri 25-Nov-16 08:54:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhilODox Fri 25-Nov-16 08:54:49

If she's unhappy, she's unhappy. The thing, you need to get to the root of is what is causing that unhappiness?
If it is genuinely lack of friendships, then do ensure anywhere she moves to has enough children for her to find 'her tribe'.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 25-Nov-16 08:55:12

She's just had a big move and is struggling to make friends. I don't think the solution is another big move where she might struggle to make friends again...

It's not DD's fault you didn't do any research.

Cocochoco Fri 25-Nov-16 08:55:53

Agree it's very strange not to research more thoroughly but yes I'd move a child to save 4K a year for five years.

PhilODox Fri 25-Nov-16 08:59:07

I think the 'best friend's from prep department is a red herring - lots and lots of children go up to secondary school without their close friends, they move on and find new ones. Many have actually outgrown their BFF that they made at age 5 in any case, and the change can be healthy for both parties.

I assume OP meant three in secondary school, not three at the same secondary school? I find it highly unlikely that one school could be the best fit for three different individuals from the same family. I took the financial savings as just referring to this child.

BertrandRussell Fri 25-Nov-16 08:59:09

Blimey. What an extraordinarily casual approach to a huge decision. hmm

PhilODox Fri 25-Nov-16 09:06:28

I don't know Bertrand, it's quite usual for children to move from the junior department to the senior department in all-age schools. I suppose it depends on area, and what else is available at secondary.

user1477282676 Fri 25-Nov-16 09:09:34

It seems to me that you're focusing on the 4 grand you'll save rather than the fact that DD doesn't want to move.

Teething troubles at this age are very fact they're usual.

I think you should have done more research by the sound of it.

Since she's happy I would not move her.

NavyandWhite Fri 25-Nov-16 09:09:42

I wouldn't move just yet! It's early days. It takes time to make new friends and settle down.

I'm confused that you didn't know that a lot of her friends weren't moving to the new school!

MommaGee Fri 25-Nov-16 09:11:32

Don't most kids go to the same secondary school as their siblings Phil? Especially of its a good private not a specialist academy / Comp?

user1477282676 Fri 25-Nov-16 09:13:19

Momma not where I'm from they don't. Some aren't as academic as others, some might want to's always best to find the most suitable school for each child.

EleanorRigby123 Fri 25-Nov-16 09:22:02

Well, with a £4k a year saving for 7 years for 4 DC you are looking at a total saving of £112, 000 - minus the term's fees in lieu of notice at her current school. How important is this for you ? And where does the second school find its savings? Are there lots of extras? Fewer activities? IME you get what you pay for in schools.

Also a bit surprised that you did not research this better before your DD started at this school. Y7 is a challenge for most DC and friendship groups from primary do not usually survive into secondary, so that is not unusual. If she is happy I would leave her where she is.

SarahJane333 Fri 25-Nov-16 09:22:45

Her best friends parents decided to send her to boarding school unexpectedly over the summer otherwise they would have been in the sameness form class.

No I didn't do any research, I was happy with the primary and her best friend was meant to be in the same form class, so it seemed a natural progression.

titchy Fri 25-Nov-16 09:24:39

It's a very flaky reason to move her - basically you've been a bit crap and you're expecting her to pay the price for that.

So keep her where she is and send the others to the cheaper school when the time comes.

Seeline Fri 25-Nov-16 09:29:16

I don't really see why you want to move her. You say she has friends, albeit in a different class, and that she is happy with the school, and doesn't want to move.
How long had your DD been at the primary school? My DD started Y7 at a private school last year and knew no-one. A large group had moved up from the junior section, but she made lots of friends very quickly.
How much does she do with the form class - are lessons done in different groups?
Will the forms be mixed up next year?
How big is the year group - my DD is in a fairly small year group, and knows nearly all the girls in the year.
Why is this other school so much cheaper - are the facilities/opportunities as good, are there hidden costs which are included in the fees of your current school but charged extra in the new school eg dinners, stationery, trips etc?
Would either school suit the needs of your other children or would you have to look elsewhere anyway?

MommaGee Fri 25-Nov-16 09:32:44

Only on MN would a saving of **£112 K be a flake reason to move schools...

Meadows76 Fri 25-Nov-16 09:34:59

Dd is worried about moving. That answers your question. No, don't move her.

Meadows76 Fri 25-Nov-16 09:36:59

Only on MN would a saving of **£112 K be a flake reason to move schools... well the OP had a 'flake' attitude to it in the first place by doing zero research regarding the possible schools for her DD, so fair is fair.

I would never move a child who was happy and didn't want to move.

AndNowItsSeven Fri 25-Nov-16 09:38:54

No parent with any comment n sense picks a school based on current friendships. Really odd that you didn't look at all schools.

AndNowItsSeven Fri 25-Nov-16 09:39:02


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