AIBU to not have any more play dates?(27 Posts)
My dd is 7 and my ds is 6 and the friend of my dd has just gone home and I have left my two kids downstairs and escapes for some peace in my bedroom. The play dates always end up with screaming, running around, dd and friend not letting ds in the bedroom and him banging the door and me shouting come down and then at dinner there is over the top giggling, messing about, shouting and general disorder. Then more shouting, giggling, dancing at the top of their voices. Nothing really naughty per se but just so LOUD and irritating! No actual fighting or breaking things or naughtiness, just contact silliness.
AIBU in expecting play dates to be regular playing like they do when it's just them with no friends? I tell them to keep it down and tell them off if there is actual naughtiness like hitting or name calling, but I feel I can't tell them off properly like I would if it was just them, as I will embarrass the kids for being shouty and I'd look mean to their friends.
I just hate the racket and chaos!
I think playdates are not let kids play..They need guidence, support ...If they are getting wound up get a board game out. pop a film Tv program on, channel it into somethine whether run round on the park, game of twister.
I hate them too but it's a rite of passage. I find planning an activity such as making biscuits or doing craft can help calm them down, as well as a 'picnic' tea in front of the TV. I hope the other parent reciprocates?
I think it often depends on the kids you invite round. When my dd was younger there were some that were well behaved & generally lovely but there were others that ran around screeming like banshees and trashed the house, those kids only came round once
You are not alone! I hated playdates at that age. What worked slightly better for us was if both DCs have friends over then there's no shutting the other one out etc. It doesn't resolve the noise/irritating behaviour though
I try to arrange for all my kids so have friends round at the same time so that no one gets left out. I also tell them shouting and running around is for outside and pack them off in to the garden if they get too rowdy. Usually these days it's dark - sometimes they have torches, other times they enjoy the dark! Also agree that some sort of activity helps - mine like making pizzas for tea or playing hide-and-seek. It definitely gets easier as they get older. My youngest is nearly 7 and he's the only one that really causes trouble these days!
Sending them out in the garden in the dark sounds a good idea! Maybe an accident waiting to happen though know my lot! I feel like I can't cope with it and I should be able to. Like I am a rubbish mum who can't cope with a lot of noise, and I can't!!
They don't want me to do activities with them , they want to do their own thing, unfortunately. Even if I suggest putting a film on its not taken up.
I'm like you OP. I hate the noise and loudness especially as I'm used to DS being an only child and entertaining himself quietly. When his friends are here he's like a different kid!! He had a couple of friends round a little while ago and while playing hide n seek ended up breaking a wardrobe kids eh
You need to do something with DS so he's not banging on the door. But you could also be a mean Mum like me and smile sweetly and point out that children who play quietly and nicely and are kind to DS and polite to me get invited back.
Actually to add to your woes, my daughters friends were like this right up until about 15. Group of five of them, used to take it in turns to whomever house, and jeez, they used to run around like a herd of small cattle, or laugh loads , shout and do whatever. Even though enough spare bedrooms, they also all wanted to sleep in the one room together, so inflatable beds in my daughters room, and eat a ton of sweets and chocolates. Watching scary movies and pulling all nighters was a particular favourite.
I think I only interfered once and said enough.
Past that to be honest I let them get on with it, and they are still very close now, but not noisy any more at 19 and they still all bloody sleep in the one room when they're here.
I think I'm hindsight I'm glad I let them have fun and get on with it, as did the other parents, particularly based on the enduring friendship and support they give each other to this day,
Aww Bluntness, love your last paragraph!
OP is there something you could offer as an incentive (bribe)? Could be a special pudding, a little while on playstation or whatever you have after tea for those that behave before or whatever you can think of?
Don't for one minute think hating it makes you a bad Mum! Those evenings drive me nuts, but I must admit to a sense of smugness when they all go home and I imagine mine all being "owed" a playdate!
I think playdates do tend to be a bit more crazy than normal sibling play as kids get a bit overexcited having a friend around. I don't shout but I will discipline friends and tell them all that if they aren't playing nicely they all have to come downstairs where I can watch what's going on. Don't have loads of rules but breaking things or being mean to each other I don't tolerate.
IME ( only one of each) girls are easier and quieter until about 7, then as you describe really awful screaming, silliness - agree with the non sleeping thing also wait for the make up- makes me tired just thinking about it. Boys are terrors until around 8 then do lego/ ps1 and go to sleep when they are told to !
Running them round outside is the only answer when they get hyper. Night walks are good, (/we used to call then adventures when they were your kids age) , they always come in calmer.
I am really senative to noise too, doesn't make me a rubbish mum though, and it doesn't with you either.
I have 9-year-old DD and 7-year-old DS I rarely have individual playdates - unless one of them is going to be at someone else's house. From a very young age I have always coordinated playdates so they both have a friend over which helps with the leaving out thing.
It's still noisy of course but I have found as they get a bit older that the friends who come over regularly are much less excitable than those who are coming to play for the first time. We did a party at home a few weeks ago for 18 kids. The friends who come to play often were fine. The ones who haven't been here before were like banshees and it was a nightmare.
Am just recovering from one too. Guest was lovely. Mine were a sodding nightmare.... better than last time though. At least the bed isn't broken in half.
Minimise would be my advice. Dd is quite normal, doesn't do dangerous things, doesn't write on walls, doesn't climb 30 foot trees, doesn't surf on bed mattresses down stair cases or climb 15 foot walls with sheer drops.
Some of her friends do. It's a bit like a work "risk management". Keep it short. Pick reasonable friends. And manage it.
In 2 or 3 years, they'll just come round and sit in their room, drawing a picture. In the meantime just keep up the appearance, sporadically and rarely - keep the links open.
Guitargirl I think you've hit the nail on the head. The reason things (for us) have got easier is that those who've been coming round for a while are generally calmer, whereas those who are still coming for the first or second time ( usually to play with youngest) are more excitable.
I also think it's to do with ME - if I know a child fairly well - ie, they've been round more than a couple of times, I'm more relaxed with them and them with me, which in turn makes for an easier play-date...
I just have 7 yo DD. Other parents with multiple kids often say it's easier if each child has a friend and, as DD is relatively easy going, mine benefits from those invitations When she has the friends round at our house it's often easier for me as they entertain each other with minimal intervention, but we have had notable exceptions...
Err, who was in charge? Next time how about talking to your two before the guest arrives about how you expect them to behave, and a consequence if it doesn't happen. I found having a structure helped everyone to enjoy themselves more, and ultimately taught them to amuse themselves and also how to behave when they go to other people's houses E.g. drink straight after school, sitting and chatting at the kitchen table which is a good way to get to know the guest kid, always fun. Then let them go and play, watch tv for a certain time and then come for dinner and do craft, play board game whatever afterwards. If they were running riot tell I'd tell 'em off. If just one has a friend round and the other is feeling a bit left out get them to help cook. Your house your rules. And it's not a playdate, it's having a friend round to visit.
escapes for some peace in my bedroom.
That was your mistake OP.
A little forward planning and light steerage is sometimes required.
Just hope that they invite your kids back so you get a break and your kids can run riot at someone else's house.
My dd and friends felt the need to scream and shriek until they were about 15. I have no idea why, they are all lovely people. We solved the problem by building a log cabin at the end of the garden. All the dcs had sleepovers and parties out there and our house remains the 'go to ' destination but we also have some peace.
But in answer to the op, outside playtime and providing activities which require concentration is good. Cake making and decorating isn't too messy. 'Special ' dinner with candles and low lighting also made them a bit calmer. Or conversely a quick meal with the offer of something to do afterwards.
Not one of Mine have ever had play dates either at home or away, but my youngest is 11 and is still quite exciatable when taking places for the first few times. Stick em all in one room with some music and stuff and see how things go they might and should settle down.
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