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To be fed up of people telling me to give DD a dummy!!

(71 Posts)
Sunshine511 Thu 24-Nov-16 12:56:26

I'll begin by saying something quite controversial... I don't like dummies!! There, I've said it.

I personally think it's very much each to their own and that parents should be allowed to make the choices they feel are best for their babies, without everyone around them passing comment.

So, DD2 sucks her thumb and I have had people saying things like "you're mummy needs to give you a dummy. You can take a dummy away but you can't take a thumb away!" And various other comments.

My bug bear is that if I said "actually I don't like dummies, personally" I'd be met with a death stare and treated like I'm being judgemental. The fact is, I'm probably the least judgemental person you could meet! Some people breastfeed, others hate the the thought of breast feeding. Some give dummies, others don't and so on. We should all be allowed to have our own views on things and make the choices we feel best about without others passing judgement.

So how do I deal with the dummy comments? Do I just blurt it out that I don't like them? Or do I just nod politely?

RatherBeRiding Thu 24-Nov-16 13:02:10

I'm with you. I don't like them personally but happily accept that many parents find them useful and many children find them comforting. Neither of my two would entertain them at all, thankfully, so I had a perfectly valid response - they would simply spit them out!

crayfish Thu 24-Nov-16 13:02:31

I would just ignore it. People give you all sorts of 'advice' about your children and I find that smiling and nodding and ignoring them completely is usually the best response.

Bluesrunthegame Thu 24-Nov-16 13:08:31

Ignore the comments, if your DD has found her thumb and is happy, that's fine. Smiling and nodding might be the way forward here as crayfish says.
(My first two were very sucky but could not find their thumbs so a dummy was a life saver for me. Both spat them out at four months. Last baby wanted no truck with dummies thanks very much, spat it out and was relatively contented as long as he knew where I was.)

Sunshine511 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:09:18

Thanks ladies! I've been adopting the nodding and ignoring technique so far, which has been very effective for the most part, except with MIL and SIL who are both big into dummies! They just keep harping on about it constantly angry I'm worried I'll end up saying "to be honest, I don't like dummies and find them very unhygenic" just to be spiteful! Hopefully they'll get bored of going on about it soon!

crayfish Thu 24-Nov-16 13:10:41

I never underatsnd why other people get so invested in these things, why do they care whether your child has a dummy or not? How does it even affect them?

confusedandemployed Thu 24-Nov-16 13:10:58

I didn't like dummies either. Unfortunately DD loved them. She did finally give them up aged about 3 and a half. Now nearly 4 she never mentions them. Her friend on the other hand, sucks her thumb incessantly...

Greengoddess12 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:12:52

Silly sods!

You parent how you like and if they keep on challenge them with 'why do you keep on about dummies when he doesn't need one it's strange'

Sunshine511 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:13:22

Thanks for the advice blues. I too would have given a dummy if it really came to. Needs must afterall and we have to go by what the baby needs. As you said, DD is very happy with her thumb so I'm happy to just carry on with that smile

ShowMePotatoSalad Thu 24-Nov-16 13:14:14

If someone is advising you to give a dummy to a 2 year old that is just silly. My HV told me it's best to starting weaning from dummies no later than 2 (I know people wean later than that and that is absolutely fine and no judgement from me at all...just repeating what my HV advised).

My DS started refusing a dummy at 7 months. My MIL thinks it's the weirdest thing ever. "He won't have a dummy...why not?" and then looks at me like I'm an alien.

eurochick Thu 24-Nov-16 13:15:31

I don't like dummies either. Babies cry because they need something. Shoving a fake nipple in them to placate them seems pointless to me.

Sunshine511 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:15:50

Thanks greengoddess, I think it's going to get to the point I'm going to blurt something out and that sounds like a good suggestion ☺️ SIL works in childcare so thinks she knows best angry

goinglocomoto Thu 24-Nov-16 13:17:44

I think people who discourage thumb sucking just don't understand the pure joy it brings. I still enjoy a little suck most days and wouldn't like to deprive my child of the little friend that will always be there. It's not like they'all be sucking their thumb in a boardroom as an adult.

Granted, the potential for bucking teeth may be real, but it didn't happen to me or my sisters, so maybe wrongly, don't think it's a huge issue.

fluffypenguinbelly Thu 24-Nov-16 13:21:35

I think if your child is a thumb sucker then the hygiene argument doesn't quite work. Children's thumbs are much more gross than a dummy.

Why can't you just say that you're not a fan of dummies and fine with her sucking her thumb?

passingthrough1 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:23:16

I haven't given one. In the worst days of colic etc I used to just go and stare at them in Bootshmm but never gave in and I'm glad because it was such a short time before he started sucking his thumb. It's a funny one, I think people who use them (which I have no problem with and came very close to myself) think you're judging them by not using them so then get all defensive and then tell you why actually they're good and better than not having one. I really don't care if you're using one or not, we don't and that's it! I also think people think you'll use one eventually so stop being stubborn and get on with it.
I find it similar with breastfeeding. Comments like "oh well you're still breast feeding for now ..." or "will he still not take a bottle?" Just seem to undermine what you're doing - the underlying assumption being you will give you breast feeding and you will give a dummy so please just do it now and stop being a martyr about it.
Honestly one of the reasons I don't give a dummy is that I was never given one and neither were siblings or any babies I know so I don't even really know how you give one and hadn't thought about it. I'm seriously not judging people who do, just please stop telling me I'm wrong in not doing it.

StillaChocoholic Thu 24-Nov-16 13:23:42

I wonder if these are the same people that would be saying "oh you need to get rid of that dummy, you're far too old for a dummy" if she did have one.
Just ignore, it really is best. I personally say do what works for you and your child.
DS1 had a dummy, I'll see what DS2 is like. He may end up with a dummy, he may not.

Sunshine511 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:24:11

Hygiene isn't really my issue tbh, I suppose I don't really have much of a reason to dislike them. I just want to say something to shut them up I suppose, harsh as that sounds. But the comments really do grate after a while.

lilyb84 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:25:21

People have told me for the last 10 months how much a dummy would help my son, who will only sleep on me / next to me when he sleeps at all, and who for the first 7 or so months of his life was quite a difficult and often miserable baby. Pity he didn't get the memo, as he's refused any of the dummies we finally cracked and offered him! I'm glad to be finished with mat leave just to leave the constant comments like this behind...

Sunshine511 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:29:05

passingthrough, I've had the breastfeeding comments too! Every time I see MIL, the first thing she asks is if I'm still breastfeeding. She also told me she thinks it's strange when ladies with big breasts breastfeed their babies as it just looks wrong and that it's awful when ladies don't completely cover up with a shawl when doing it in public. angry I do use a shawl but purely because I wouldn't have the confidence not to while there are people out the with this mindset. DD hates having the shawl over her for feeds. The small mindedness just infuriates me!

Softkitty2 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:30:09

I am with you op. I have an 8 month old. She has never used a dummy.. A few months back she started sucking her thumb and then one day she stopped.

Zaratall Thu 24-Nov-16 13:32:18

Just take no notice. They probably don't mean anything by it.

Ds1 sucked his thumb until he started school.

Ds2 has a dummy which I've grown to hate. It's been a lifesaver and I've tried to keep it just for sleeps, but now he's a toddler he cries for it when he's bored or tired.

I'm starting to wish he sucked his thumb. It is true you can take a dummy away but to be honest neither is easy.

Softkitty2 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:32:33

My MIL told me to ring the health visitor because my baby wouldnt take the bottle. She is ebf and no i dont want her on the bottle.

Sunshine511 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:34:30

Lol softkitty I get comments because I've never expressed or anything for DD, she's 6 months and I haven't had a reason too so just haven't bothered. Struggle to see why it matters to anyone else anyway confused

PeachBellini123 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:34:47

Sorry I'm very anti thumb-sucking. I was still sucking mine at 4 and it meant I had 'rabbit teeth'. Caused me to have a brace and other teeth problems sad

ExhaustedandScatterBrained Thu 24-Nov-16 13:36:18

I dislike dummies, ds1 never had one. Ds2 was 6 weeks prem and the nurses in the nicu asked if he could have one because he wouldn't settle when i wasn't there. Once home from hospital he had it only to go to sleep and then would spit it out. I got rid of it just before he was 6 months. Nothing against others using them at all though. People should leave you to parent your children your way.

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