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I probably am being a cow but AIBU about DD's friend's gran?

(121 Posts)
TwoBrokeGirls Wed 23-Nov-16 16:50:42

DD's best friend's mum works full time and so her mother in law does the school run every day to pick up DD's friend.

She is ok to chat to sometimes and I'm happy to chat to her at times but she just won't leave me alone and seems to latch on to me constantly even if I'm in a hurry or if I'm talking to someone else. She also is an 'Elevenerife' type of person, so if you've been to Tenerife she's gone one better and been to Elevenerife. She never listens to anything I say and just cuts in about herself or her children/grandchildren, with little put downs about DD and I, as if we are not good enough.

I literally cannot get away from her! She lives very near me and so I often see her on the walk to or from school, and often lately she has started waiting for me. She butts in on any conversations I have with others or just stands there with us. Often the butting in involves making subtle digs or put downs about me.

I have tried going to the school early at pick up, but she then gets there and stands with me. I've tried being late to pick up DD (Only by 2 or 3 minutes). The gran waited with DD and her granddaughter then berated me for being late and started saying that I must have been standing around gossiping!

Like I said, I am happy to chat to her sometimes out of politeness as DD and her granddaughter are best friends, but not every day, all the time! This morning I saw a friend at the school that I hadn't seen for ages and had a quick chat with her and the gran just stood there butting in with ridiculous smart arse comments, then kept talking about how her granddaughter is doing really well at school when we were talking about something totally different. It was embarrassing as my friend eventually made her excuses and left and I could tell this woman was annoying her, yet my friend probably thinks I like this woman!

I don't want to be a complete bitch but AIBU to find her annoying? Any tips on how I can avoid her? As I said, she lives near me and we walk the exact same route all the time. I was thinking of maybe going in the car for a few weeks and picking DD up from the opposite side of the playground near to the car park. But it irks me that I have to go to the hassle of doing that, but can't think of any other options really.

BratFarrarsPony Wed 23-Nov-16 16:53:23

She does sound dreadful I must say.
Could u give an example of her subtle digs and put downs?
It would tempted to tell her to do one, but I suppose in this situation, it's tricky.

TwoBrokeGirls Wed 23-Nov-16 16:56:09

It's just little comments all the time about me being a chatterbox and a gossip, if I talk to anyone. And the other day for example she asked what we were doing at the weekend and I said DD had her swimming lessons and she laughed and said that her granddaughter had stopped lessons years ago and is an excellent swimmer and she didn't think that kids of that age had swimming lessons still (they are 8 BTW)

TwoBrokeGirls Wed 23-Nov-16 16:57:19

I feel like it's an awkward situation as I am friends with DD's friends mum and the girls are friends, plus I see this woman all the time so it would just make things uncomfortable. I think I need to set some boundaries and avoid her where possible but it's just so difficult to do

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Wed 23-Nov-16 16:57:38

Hm. YANBU. You shouldn't have to put up with someone being rude about you and your daughter. She sounds really annoying.

Can you chat to her for a few minutes, then say "oh, there's X, I haven't seen her for ages/I need to ask her about something, please excuse me"? Or would she just follow you? (Also depends how big the playground is!)

On the walk to school, can you make a phone call or something so she can't talk to you?!

And do you challenge the put downs at all?

Nanny0gg Wed 23-Nov-16 16:58:00

Well mine do.'

<turn away>

TwoBrokeGirls Wed 23-Nov-16 16:58:27

Oh and also comments all the time about my clothes saying things like the school run isn't a fashion parade and saying she's never known anyone to have as many clothes as me. And comments on my coat being too thick/thin/waterproof/not waterproof.

Nanny0gg Wed 23-Nov-16 16:59:00

'Did you mean to be so rude?'

<walk away>

Nanny0gg Wed 23-Nov-16 16:59:15

Have you spoken to your friend?

4yoniD Wed 23-Nov-16 16:59:20

I'd start to call her on her comments. I expect it may get awkward but at least she will start backing off and - let's be honest - you aren't going to be losing a great friend

TwoBrokeGirls Wed 23-Nov-16 16:59:35

I think she would follow me if I did that, unfortunately.

I don't challenge the put downs, not because I'm afraid to challenge but because I think it'd cause an atmosphere or issues.

TwoBrokeGirls Wed 23-Nov-16 17:00:16

I haven't spoken to my friend as she thinks her MIL's great!

Amandahugandkisses Wed 23-Nov-16 17:00:19

Don't engage. Just smile and nod and walk away. She sounds awful.

BratFarrarsPony Wed 23-Nov-16 17:00:43

She does sound dreadful.
Maybe do the car thing for a week or two?
or if she makes some comment, pick her up on it.
"What do you mean by that?" "What are you saying exactly?"

GetOutMyCar Wed 23-Nov-16 17:01:58

I don't think you need to avoid her. I think you need to tell her to give over and stop being so bloody rude. Every single time.

TwoBrokeGirls Wed 23-Nov-16 17:02:15

If I try to walk away she catches up with me, or if I hang back and have a conversation with anyone she hangs back too. And she walks so damn bloody close to me as if we're besties!

Whatgives Wed 23-Nov-16 17:03:51

Arrrghh what a nightmare! I've no idea what u can do though. Does her DIL get on well with her? Could u have a rant with her and see can she help.

Whatgives Wed 23-Nov-16 17:04:51

Oops just see your update. Think u probably need to pull her up on it and hope she stops speaking to you.

2kids2dogsnosense Wed 23-Nov-16 17:06:01

It strikes me that she may be lonely (understandably - she sounds a pain in the bum!) and just desperate for someone to chat to. As the two girls are good friends, you are a captive audience.

However her social difficulties are not your responsibility. Obviously you don't want to be unnecessarily unkind or rude, and I think that perhaps LeslieKnope's suggestion of "Oh - there's X! Sorry - I have something I must ask her" might be worth a try. Or could you get other mothers to come across and join in the conversation if they see she has you trapped, and at least dilute the horror her company?

TwoBrokeGirls Wed 23-Nov-16 17:10:02

I don't think she's lonely as she has a husband and an active social life (she is only mid fifties).

yougetme Wed 23-Nov-16 17:13:35

You cant avoid her, you cant be rude to her and you cant divert her. So the only thing left is to echo her.
Everything she says you repeat back as if baffed that anyone with a brain would say that thing. Maybe with a tolerant little smile for the daft woman who thinks its okay to say things like that. She is trying to be better than you as she thinks you are better than her - not that that helps you at all. By implying that she is lacking something in the social or brain department she will separate herself from you as her ploy of bringing you down isnt working.

Alternatively you could try being so very enthusiastic about everything she denigrates. You have a lightweight jacket - oh yes this is the latest thing and I bought it specially for the school run .It was only £xxx s .

Your child is late at reading that book level. Oh yes - isnt she wonderful - so much better to be slow but sure. Quick readers dont take in everything they read ( or some such rubbish statement)

Make a game out of it - swap and change your reaction to a predetermined one each day and see how she reacts. She will go off you and find another sap to listen to her crowing.

AddictedtoSnickers Wed 23-Nov-16 17:14:01

Do you live closeby? Could you offer to your friend to take her daughter to school for her a few days a week? MIL won't need to go and you'll finally have some peace!

GoEasyPudding Wed 23-Nov-16 17:14:29

Are there any trees to hide behind?
Maybe try saying "excuse me a moment" walking away with purpose with a serious face looking at your phone to a far corner or behind other parents.
Can you arrive bang on time, by the second, thus reducing the time you need to spend with her.

Would it be polite enough to say "gosh, so critical today!"

PoppyFleur Wed 23-Nov-16 17:16:31

If she hangs back, can you not just call out, "Oh no need to wait for me, I know how busy you are!" Hopefully she will take the hint and walk on.

crabbiearses Wed 23-Nov-16 17:17:02

my neighbour was exact the same , her daughter was in my class, she started ringing the doorbell to walk me to the school every day.Most of her rudeness was directed towards my daughter I eventually called her on it and she fell out with me RESULT.

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