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do I tell him about my fling?

(35 Posts)
amberlynn Wed 23-Nov-16 16:01:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Wed 23-Nov-16 16:02:57

Why would you tell him? You were split up at the time. I wouldn't take him back, though, unless he was no-contact with his toxic parents.

ByeByeLilSebastian Wed 23-Nov-16 16:04:46

If it was me I'd bite the bullet and tell him now before we got back in to that full on relationship feeling.
It's not a big deal so don't mske it one. You weren't together so perfectly entitled to sleep with someone else

ExpatMrs Wed 23-Nov-16 16:04:49

unless he would find out otherwise, don't tell

ReadySteadyNo Wed 23-Nov-16 16:05:43

Is he likely to find out if you don't tell him?

DonaldStott Wed 23-Nov-16 16:06:47

Why would you tell him? It would be pretty awkward if you did get back with him, having contact with the bloke you shagged whilst your ex was in therapy. But I echo the pp. His mum will still be his mum regardless of him having therapy or not. Issue not solved.

HarleyQuinzel Wed 23-Nov-16 16:07:36

TBH I wouldn't tell him, unless there's a chance he could find out from someone else?

You did nothing wrong and it will only upset him. Try not to give it any thought.

embarrassedbuthopingitsalright Wed 23-Nov-16 16:08:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emmageddon Wed 23-Nov-16 16:09:28

Does he know this friend? Are you likely to be socializing with him, if you do get back together? If so, you really should tell him, otherwise he'll feel silly and humiliated if someone else decides to let him know about your fling. But you were separated at the time, so it's not a big deal, you haven't cheated during an active relationship.

I'd be wary about reconciling until things with his mother are sorted out though.

tibbawyrots Wed 23-Nov-16 16:10:51

Name change fail? grin

amberlynn Wed 23-Nov-16 16:11:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Wed 23-Nov-16 16:12:00

I'd tell him and get it out the way. It's easy to underestimate how hard it is to keep your own secrets. Maybe that's just me though?

amberlynn Wed 23-Nov-16 16:13:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

baconandeggies Wed 23-Nov-16 16:14:39

Get it out of the way. Up front and honest is the best way to be if you're thinking of starting over.

TheFormidableMrsC Wed 23-Nov-16 16:35:20

I don't understand what you have to "confess". You were apart at the time. Given his precarious state and the fact he's in therapy, no I wouldn't tell him. I have no idea why you would!

Benedikte2 Wed 23-Nov-16 16:35:39

Confession makes the confessor feel better but does nothing for the other party but upset them and maybe give them a weapon to use against the confessor in future
Live with it OP

HelpTheTigers Wed 23-Nov-16 16:39:14

Maybe he had a fling too. Not a criticism, just a possibility and it might make a discussion easier if that's the way you choose to go. Good luck and I hope that it works out whatever you do.

Italiangreyhound Wed 23-Nov-16 16:43:52

I'd tell him. If you were apart you are entitled to date someone else. I would not call it a fling. I would say I was seeing someone else. Maybe he was too?

Either way, in the words of Ross, you were on a break!

If this is too flippant, please don't watch but I just wanted to lighten your mood (if you are younger than me you may not remember this!)

We were on a break

Anyway, in essence I think you did as you wanted to when you guys were broken up and now he wants to get back together, but you both may have had experiences etc and so you need to get back together as you are now.

This may mean the end of your friendship with the man you had incredible sex with. But if the tables were turned, would you want to know, would you want to continue to be friends with a woman he had had incredible sex with? Your call.

Chinlo Wed 23-Nov-16 16:43:55

In the interest of openness, I would probably mention that I was seeing somebody for a while during the break, that it fizzled out and that it was just a rebound. No need to tell him exactly who it was.

amberlynn Wed 23-Nov-16 17:35:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Wed 23-Nov-16 17:52:19

I think you haven't done anything wrong so there is no issue telling him. if he's not mature enough to handle that you slept with someone else when you were perfectly entitled to do so, then he's probably not mature enough to be with.

Chinlo Wed 23-Nov-16 18:08:55

100% agree with BuggerLumps

My line of thought is "why not tell him?"

And if the only answer to that was "because of his potential reaction", then my next line of thought would be "why on earth do I want to be with this guy?"

amberlynn Wed 23-Nov-16 22:47:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allthewaves Wed 23-Nov-16 22:51:58

I'd be honest. Say you were seeing someone, if he asks then tell him - though I don't think you could remain friends with ex lover and be with your ex-dp.

Why would you build a new relationship on lies

puglife15 Wed 23-Nov-16 23:06:50

I wouldn't tell him, on the basis that I don't go along telling people who I slept with. But if he asked outright or was friends with the guy or might find out some other way, then I'd want to get in first.

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