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To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

(311 Posts)
Zaratall Wed 23-Nov-16 13:50:45

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

MollyRedskirts Wed 23-Nov-16 13:53:56

It infuriates me, actually. I vary between Ms and Mrs but I don't particularly mind either. Giving me my husband's initial though - not on. I have my own, thanks.

Seeline Wed 23-Nov-16 13:54:45

No, it's correct. It doesn't diminish me as a person, and I am still on official documentation.

EatsShitAndLeaves Wed 23-Nov-16 13:55:25

Yes I mind.

It implies I am not a person in my own right.

I find it very offensive tbh.

Trifleorbust Wed 23-Nov-16 13:55:57

Yes, I mind.

ChipIn Wed 23-Nov-16 13:56:21

I took my husband's surname (just so when we had children it's easier to all have the same name) so if it's addressed to Mr & Mrs Surname I'm not bothered. But, if in the address it has his first name/ first initial I find it utterly rude, almost like I've been dismissed.

His surname is now my surname. I have my own first name.

Ledkr Wed 23-Nov-16 13:56:42

Yes it fucking does. It's ridiculous! Even if you do change your name you aren't suddenly known as Dave or James grin

HorseyHorseyTwat Wed 23-Nov-16 13:56:42

It does bug me a bit. I took my husband's surname when we got married, yes, but dear god, leave me my first name at least!

amusedbush Wed 23-Nov-16 13:56:55

Yes, it pisses me off.

FlyingElbows Wed 23-Nov-16 13:57:20

I don't mind at all that Mrs Mansname chooses to be Mrs Mansname. What I do mind is when Ms Smugsuperior considers herself better than Mrs Mansname by virtue of her own, exactly the same, choice to use the surname she chooses. If Mrs Mansname chooses to be Mrs Mansname and us addressed as Mrs Mansname then she's not being left off official documentation, is she?

PurpleDaisies Wed 23-Nov-16 13:57:32

I mind. How does it not diminish you as a person if you're not important enough to warrant being addressed by your own name?

KlingybunFistelvase Wed 23-Nov-16 13:58:02

It doesn't bother me, no. But it's not U to be bothered by it. If you don't like it, can't you explain to the solicitor that you'd rather be addressed by your own name?

ChipIn Wed 23-Nov-16 13:58:10

It's very outdated. It may have been correct in the past but is less socially accepted nowadays.

jelliebelly Wed 23-Nov-16 13:59:16

Can't say I've ever given it much thought tbh but then I've been married 20 years so maybe I've just got used to it. It's simply an old fashioned practice that needs updating

MardAsSnails Wed 23-Nov-16 13:59:40

I don't mind, but we have the same first initial so I wouldn't notice.

<pointless post>

TheSnorkMaidenReturns Wed 23-Nov-16 13:59:54

I mind a great deal. It's archaic and rude. It's a hangover from the days when women were chattels. It was correct but now it should now be killed with fire.

Sleepybeanbump Wed 23-Nov-16 14:00:47

It drives me absolutely nuts. Makes my skin crawl. I have my own bloody name!

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 23-Nov-16 14:01:47

I don't mind at all.

Zaratall Wed 23-Nov-16 14:02:07

Flyingelbows well, you may change your surname to your husbands but presumably women don't change their first name, do they?

The document named Mr and Mrs Dave Vendors.

I don't think that the woman's name is Dave. So yes she has been left off the documentation.

Mrs means wife of doesn't it? Does anyone actually opt in to being referred to as 'wife of Dave'?

I'm not smug at all.

TataEs Wed 23-Nov-16 14:02:36

my own nan does this
mrs mansname sharedsurname(spelled incorrectly)
her don't no it winds me up so much... she knows my name!! and the letters aren't even for both of us!

Limitededition7inch Wed 23-Nov-16 14:04:22

I seriously mind this. PIL insist on addressing all letters to Mr and Mrs DH Initial DH Surname. More infuriating is the fact that I kept my original name and they know this yet continue to passively aggressively address cards this way

They have also sent us cheques for DS but addressed this way even though they know we can't cash them as an account doesn't exist in those two names together.

grrrrrrrrr angry

AnnPerkins Wed 23-Nov-16 14:05:57

I mind. It's one thing choosing to adopt someone else's second name as your own, quite another to be addressed by their first initial as well. Of course that diminishes me as a person.

I've been married nearly 25 years and I miss my own second name now more than I ever have before. I can't explain why, perhaps because it's been such a long time since I've had it, or perhaps because I wish I was 22 again!

gillybeanz Wed 23-Nov-16 14:08:56

I don't mind and find it such a small thing to be irritated about. I have been a Mrs since getting married, it's the reason you do imo.
I suppose if I was insecure, lacking confidence, or searching for an identity it might bother me.
I suppose I have my own identity away from dh and dc, maybe that's why it doesn't bother me.

ispymincepie Wed 23-Nov-16 14:10:06

Don't mind at all. Doesn't negatively affect me in any way.

milliemolliemou Wed 23-Nov-16 14:11:02

Legally it's your first name that matters not your surname, bizarrely.

I wouldn't worry about it, OP - you clearly have your documentation sorted out as you like so don't be concerned about the vendors who have the same surname and his initial. On documents her full first name should be spelt out even if she's taken her husband's surname.

BTW I've never changed my surname. Changing my first name has been much more problematical. And at least we've moved on from the times women who married had to give up their jobs and you had to get a father/husband to agree a loan/mortgage. Haven't we?

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