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Pissed off at manager - should I 'feedback' to her?

(17 Posts)
DoublyTroubly Wed 23-Nov-16 05:51:41

Ok, my manager did 2 things yesterday that have annoyed me. Normally I'm one for letting sleeping dogs lie but each of these things happen quite a lot (to everyone in the team) and I'm wondering if I should provide upwards feedback as I think both are unacceptable

1. I was due to have a 'business catch up' with my manager yesterday. This is a 1:1 where we discuss business issues rather than personal development. She mentioned it in the morning so I know she hasn't forgotten but then just didn't turn up. I emailed her to ask if it was going ahead but she didn't reply then just didn't mention it when I saw her later. No apologies at all! She does this regularly for 1;1's and other meetings and I think it's really rude

2. There is a piece of work that is due. She sent an email to the whole team last night asking where the work is and wanting to know why it has not been finished yet / what on earth ive been working on that I've deemed higher priority. Why on earth does she always copy in the whole team when sending negative emails like this? Again I think it's really rude and unnecessary!

Sorry for the long post, but do you think I should feedback how rude she is? How do I put it nicely without making an enemy? She does both of these things regularly across the whole team so it's not just an issue with me!

thanks, Doubly x

luckylucky24 Wed 23-Nov-16 06:34:19

Not sure about the meetings but maybe you could say that you appreciate that she needs the work but it is embarrassing and upsetting when she copies in the whole team in issues that only regard you and would she mind refraining in the future. And if you kept meetings then maybe you would be able to find out in person where abouts the project is heading and a timeframe

Carrados Wed 23-Nov-16 06:39:34

'I was going to update you in the 1:1 you cancelled'.

Set up a meeting with her with these concerns. Keep a record. Give it 1 months to see if improved. Chat to your peers off the record. If things haven't improved in 2 month, take it upward.

JellyMouldJnr Wed 23-Nov-16 06:43:49

As a manager I'd agree both of these things are unacceptable. It really depends how receptive she is to criticism.
I think I might go a bit passive aggressive e.g. "It's a shame you didn't make our planned meeting today as then I could have explained the situation, rather than sending group emails needlessly".

Was actually going to answer exactly as Carrados she expects her team to be on time for everything for her but can't give her team a manager to rely on.

ShoopyShoopyDoopDoop Wed 23-Nov-16 07:25:10

Yep, I was also going to suggest the same response as Carrados.

I would also probably send it in a 'reply all' response too.

ShoopyShoopyDoopDoop Wed 23-Nov-16 07:27:04

Oh and from my experience, it's only poor managers who feel the need to prove something to those who manage them that behave like this. It's a way of trying to pass the buck, and responsibility, for something not being done onto someone else to deflect attention from themselves.

She knows exactly what she's doing, it's intentional.

DoublyTroubly Wed 23-Nov-16 08:52:23

Thanks all

That's exactly the sort of reply I was planning to send. However, I'm pretty sure she will turn it back on me to say it was my responsibility to update her anyway even though she missed the meeting! (As an aside, this piece of work isn't late yet, she was just mixed up with the deadlines we had agreed!)

Colby43443 Wed 23-Nov-16 10:01:44

best way to reply to a cancelled 1:1 via email 'I noticed you cancelled the 1:1 with me today. I need to meet you, when can we reschedule?' Then keep emailing her. Then use this as evidence to HR if she tries to set you up as a poor performer (which it looks like she's doing).

YelloDraw Wed 23-Nov-16 10:05:28

I'd reply to the entire email chain stating that "we agreed a deadline of x and I am on track to meet this. If the requirements have changed please come and discuss"

ArmfulOfRoses Wed 23-Nov-16 10:14:09

I think yello has it.

Don't mention that she cancelled the meeting, because she didn't. She just didn't bother turning up.

howabout Wed 23-Nov-16 10:40:02

I agree with Yello. She is trying to make you on edge and constantly dance to her tune while watching your back. Get on with doing what you need to do and leave it to her to work out how to be more polite / proactive so that she gets the feedback she needs from you.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus Wed 23-Nov-16 10:43:01

I had a manager like this. Absolutely agree that you need to call them out on everything and have evidence. I didn't do this and she eventually wrecked my reputation.

Nanny0gg Wed 23-Nov-16 10:44:53

Can you copy in her manager with any response?

Italiangreyhound Wed 23-Nov-16 10:45:45

You should feedback to her that these things are an issue. But I would word it carefully...

Something like:

1. We were due to have a 'business catch up' to discuss business issues. You mentioned it in the morning so I knew you had remembered. Then I sat there alone and no one turned up (a polite way of saying you did not turn up!) I emailed to ask if it was going ahead but got no reply. You didn't mention it when I saw you later, or apologise. I've noticed that this does happen regularly for 1:1's and other meetings. When this happens I feel like my time is of no value and it also wastes my time when I could be working on other important things but instead am waiting for a scheduled meeting that does not take place.

2. There is a piece of work that is due. You emailed me about this work and I understand you wanted to know what was happening with it. However, you included in that email the whole team. You included phrases like "what on earth had I been working on that I've deemed higher priority" Or whatever exact phrase was included.

Sending this negative email to the whole team made me feel and look small. I think it was unnecessary and unhelpful. It would have been much more helpful if you could have emailed or called me personally.

The reason the work was not finished was because XYZ and what might help me would be ABC, which I would have been happy to discuss confidentially with you in person or by email.

Good luck. thanks

Nonreplicable Wed 23-Nov-16 11:23:18

What yello said.

Stay professional and do not go passive aggressive. Also do not reply all, this will only escalate things.

If the situation persists ask for an informal chat with the next person up the chain of command and solicit their advice.

Clearoutre Wed 23-Nov-16 16:24:55

Agree with giving your manager a chance to improve.

Sounds like communication is the issue so I'm not sure an email would be that effective.

Why not suggest a coffee and start by saying "We work closely together and I need to have an honest chat with you if something isn't working". Then ask for what you want - e.g. if you can't make the weekly catch up meeting then fine, but tell me as soon as you can and the priority should be to reschedule, ask if your current time slot should be moved to something more convenient for her, say that feedback or chasing needs can be done in private/without cc'ing the whole team in, say that you willl send her a list of your priorities & deadlines for the week every Monday for her review so she knows what to expect and whenand can direct you to de-prioritise if something else important pops up, etc etc.

You're both adults and every right to a decent working relationship to get the job done and not waste time on frustrating communication issues.

Find out what she thinks too and what pressures she is under so you see things from her perspective. After an honest chat you'll soon find what change is possible!

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