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... to inwardly grumble?

(17 Posts)
SisyphusHadItEasy Wed 23-Nov-16 02:02:59

I work part time and am in school full time. I have 3 DCs and a DH.

In the last 2 weeks, I have had 2 days off from work (but not school - as it is an online course, contribution is expected 7 days a week). On one of the days off, I cleaned out the refrigerator, did the weekly shop, and the accumulated laundry, on the second I took the DCs to a show out of town that I had promised.

I was supposed to have today off work, but was called in on short notice - so willingly obliged.

DH is out of work (his position was eliminated) and is trying to find a new position... but I was up at 6:30 to get the DCs to school, then did my onine schoolwork, got the call that I was needed at work at 11:15 for a 12:00 start, came home to make the lion's share of supper, check homework and shuffle the youngest to bed.

DH has been telling me what he did while I was at work (general housework) and looking at me as if to expect congratulations. I said thank you and went to find somewhere quiet to rest.

I do these things without recognition when I am not at work/doing school work... was I out of line not to pat him on the head and tell him what a good husband he is to do what is required at home?

Yes, I know I am complaining, but I would love for him (and the DCs) to grasp that these things can be accomplished even when I don't do them.

Whilst I completely sympathise with you and have at times done this myself - fumed about people not doing as muchas I have wanted, I do think you are being a tad unreasonable.

From personal experience, when it comes down to it, running around organising so many things at once, women generally are much better at it than men. I know from my male relatives and husband who have always been helpers, they never ever seem to just get it right (lifting stuff whilst dusting comes to mind).

I think he was genuinely trying to help you and lighten your load. I know it maybe seemed like he was fishing for approval but you will find perhaps he was, but in a nice way. He wanted you to see he is worthy and helpful whilst out of work rather than just looking to have his ego stroked. I know it is hard, particularly when one is out of work or even when one just has a really full plate, but he is trying and he is showing he wants to help and that is no little thing. Your happiness means alot to him.

I hope he finds something soon and things lighten up for you.

BastardGoDarkly Wed 23-Nov-16 05:46:55

Generally help and lighten your load?! Why is it ops load? It's just shit that needs doing, you don't get thanks as an adult for it.

BastardGoDarkly Wed 23-Nov-16 05:47:57

No OP YANBU grumble away, outwardly if you want! I hope DH finds something soon.

farmers Wed 23-Nov-16 05:57:27

YANBU, reminds me of this

GoDarkly figure of speech. It's not and it should be equal, in a ideal world men would just realise and muck in, but they don't as much as they should. However, the point I was trying to make was it appears he was trying to do the right thing. No I agree no-one should do something for thanks but is it so wrong to actually thank someone when they do help?

abbsisspartacus Wed 23-Nov-16 06:54:30

He should get on with it he has no job ffs what is he doing all day?

I disagree men don't "see" what needs to be done he sounds lazy and entitled

RoseGoldHippie Wed 23-Nov-16 07:01:36

I don't think YABU if he doesn't say thank you to you for doing the housework too.

DP and I always say thank you to each other for doing household bits, like he will say thanks when I cook and I will when he does the hoovering. Doing the housework is a joint responsibility but doesn't mean you shouldn't say thank you when the other does their bit confused

Trifleorbust Wed 23-Nov-16 07:33:37

He was trying to 'do the right thing' but that doesn't mean it's reasonable for him to behave like a teenager who's just done his first load of laundry hmm

It isn't the OP's 'load' - sounds like she already does his share of the 'load' and he needs to be taking on more of it to me.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Wed 23-Nov-16 07:42:16

Just send that YouTube clip that Farmers linked to to your dh every single time your dh starts.

DryIce Wed 23-Nov-16 08:13:12

organising so many things at once, women generally are much better at it than men

Do you really believe this? If this is so, can you tell me why men vastly outnumber woman in positions of power like CEO, politician, director etc? Roles that require strong multi tasking skills.

Or could it be that men just can't be arsed with boring mundane housework, and luckily for them if they leave it or claim ignorance there is often a handy wife there to step in for them. For woman, if they left it it generally wouldn't get done.

So, no - OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Perhaps next time quirk an eyebrow and ask if he'd like you to set him up a rewards chart. Of course, the danger is he would take you seriously

Meemolly Wed 23-Nov-16 09:53:34

OP, gosh reading what you wrote made me fume, to put it mildly. He's an adult, he can pull his own weight. You sound like you are brilliantly multitasking, so don't become a martyr, tell him to WAKE UP.

Colby43443 Wed 23-Nov-16 09:56:51

You shouldn't be grateful for a man to do housework. It's his house too.

SisyphusHadItEasy Wed 23-Nov-16 13:34:34

I did thank him, but also pointed out that I didn't hear a thank you when I did the same work the day before.

When I leave for work today, there will be a list of what needs to be done. He gets fixated on unnecessary tasks and misses the big things.

And yes - the women as multitasking wonders is a load of bullocks. We learn to do it because we have to - men can, too. Even the boring things.

RoseGoldHippie Wed 23-Nov-16 18:02:14

SisyphusHadItEasy if he doesn't say thank you when you do it then you shouldn't when he does! Does he think this is totally your responsibility? He needs a short sharp shock!

SapphireStrange Wed 23-Nov-16 18:09:28

From personal experience, when it comes down to it, running around organising so many things at once, women generally are much better at it than men.

Oh, bollocks to this. Bollocks.

And it isn't the OP's load alone. hmm

OP, YANBU. Is he a dog that needs good behaviour reinforcing?

57968sp Wed 23-Nov-16 18:54:23

Men can be pathetic. Whoever is available needs to do the chores, it is not your responsibility alone and you are not being unreasonable to grumble.

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