Male friend declares that women are 'naturally monogamous'. AIBU to say that this is bollocks?

(28 Posts)
Destinysdaughter Tue 22-Nov-16 22:21:52

Had a discussion with a male friend tonight who said the above. Personally I think it's crap. My own opinion is that this is a stereotype that is imposed upon women by men and is used to make women feel bad if they don't feel like this. And helps to enforce men's ownership of women. It's certainly not something that is ever said about men. Wondered what other women felt about this?

Rrross1ges Tue 22-Nov-16 22:23:36

He's got his arse in parsley.

RitchyBestingFace Tue 22-Nov-16 22:24:44

Utter bollocks and not borne out by any historical or biological evidence.

Destinysdaughter Tue 22-Nov-16 22:25:24

Hmm I have no idea what that expression means!!

HelenaDove Tue 22-Nov-16 22:26:44

Actually its the opposite. Its women who have a sexual organ purely for the purpose of sexual pleasure not men.

butterfliesandzebras Tue 22-Nov-16 22:27:07

That'll be why no woman in the history of all time has ever cheated or had multiple lovers then hmm.

lifeissweet Tue 22-Nov-16 22:27:51

The other side of the coin, presumably, being that men are not naturally monogamous. So while they might humour the little women by trying to be faithful, really they can't keep it in their pants and it's nature so to be expected.

Yes. It's utter bullshit.

DeviTheGaelet Tue 22-Nov-16 22:29:24

It's crap.
I find telling men about concealed ovulation and how that is an incentive for men to be monogamous to ensure offspring are theirs shuts them up. The kind of man who buy into this "evolutionary" stuff often seem strangely reticent to discuss women's actual biology grin
discovermagazine.com/1993/sep/sexandthefemalea262

Deadsouls Tue 22-Nov-16 22:30:34

'Naturally' is one of those adjectives (or is it an adverb), that doesn't really mean anything. It's very non-specific. I say he needs to back up his assertion.

80schild Tue 22-Nov-16 22:31:47

Who knows and quite frankly who cares.

RitchyBestingFace Tue 22-Nov-16 22:32:39

There are plenty of good evolutionary reasons why it doesn't make sense for one woman to attach themselves to one man for life - protection, spreading risk, improving chances of survival. Until recently (past couple of hundred years) there was a strong chance your bloke would die, go to war and/or run away.

Monogamy and eternal romance are modern inventions.

clumsyduck Tue 22-Nov-16 22:33:15

I find people who make statements like that strange because he would surely have to live in a different world to us and not know any women that have cheated . Seen any films were women cheat. Heard songs written about women cheating. Or know any women who have had anything other than one relationship their entire life .

RitchyBestingFace Tue 22-Nov-16 22:34:19

'evolutionary' is probably the wrong word - I am not into evolutionary psychology bullshit. Delete that.

RitchyBestingFace Tue 22-Nov-16 22:35:48

Non-monogamous doesn't necessarily mean the same as cheating.

emilybrontescorset Tue 22-Nov-16 22:36:08

Hmmm I bet the thousands of men who've been cheated on would disagree.

SailingThroughTime Tue 22-Nov-16 22:38:09

He's not very bright is he grin

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Tue 22-Nov-16 22:42:34

Pffft. Tell him about the Countess of Oxford and the Harleian Miscellany. The earl expected to be the father of the first male child, and after that they both did as they pleased.

CouldIHaveIt Tue 22-Nov-16 22:46:17

Pfft. What an idiot! How are you friends with someone so stupid😂

Tell him plenty of us have to work quite hard on being faithful and would like the credit for it cheers!😁

YelloDraw Tue 22-Nov-16 22:47:16

There was a really interesting thread a few weeks ago talking about degrees of monogamous. Some people found it a real struggle, some people found it easy and the idea of being non-mongogamous abhorrent, some only found it easy with some people - v interesting to read.

Mondegreens Tue 22-Nov-16 22:50:15

Oh, is that the school of 'evolutionary psychology' which views men as 'naturally' putting it about like a rampant stag, hunting, clubbing women and dragging them back to his cave (''cos, like, nature, innit?') while the women 'naturally' pick berries and act submissive, while using Stone Age tools to get rid of all body hair?

How very revealing.

PlanIsNoPlan Tue 22-Nov-16 22:57:46

Was this an assertion based solely on 'women' or was it in comparison to a 'group' that male friend considered not to be naturally monogomous?

Destinysdaughter Tue 22-Nov-16 22:58:35

Oh loving all the comments on here! Thank you all. 😀

Disclaimer, this is something a male flat mate said to me many years ago as he was v disapproving of my sex life. Sadly this was before I knew about MN so was difficult to refute him. Still feel aggrieved about it bit wanted to know what other pp thought.

Thank you all!! 😀

KnittingPearl Tue 22-Nov-16 23:14:10

My biology teacher used to say this, and that it was because women wanted men to stick around to provide for /protect them and their offspring, because that offered the greatest chance of their descendants surviving, while as men can impregnate a fair few women simultaneously, the best chance men have of ensuring their offspring survive is to spread it about a bit/massively, so that at least a couple of them will make it.

Mondegreens Tue 22-Nov-16 23:51:09

I'm shocked that a biology teacher would come out with something so unsubstantiated. The research doesn't stack up, and all a lot of it shows is a distinct tendency to view the distant past as if it were 2016 suburban America, and to discount the extent to which many societies still police and enforce female (but not male) fidelity.

JellyBelli Tue 22-Nov-16 23:59:33

Its always been my understanding that we pair bond for 7 years because thats how long it takes to rear the young to an age where they are not so dependant on the mother.
Thats why we are all over each other at the start of a new relationship, and why we talk about the 7 year itch.

I also believe some people are monogomous by nature or choice, and some are not. The two groups dont mix well.

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