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Genuinely don't know. AIBU? It's a MIL one!

(107 Posts)
Tiggywinkler Tue 22-Nov-16 15:57:01

So much backstory with MIL that I could write a novel.

See her probably once a month as she lives 100 miles away. We've had a very conflict-ridden history, but for the sake of DD and DS, I try not to sweat the small stuff and act like a reasonable adult.

So. My AIBU. MIL keeps feeding my children off her fork - as in, removes it from her mouth, stabs a bit of food, and then into their mouths it goes. Makes me want to vomit.

I've asked her nicely not to, but she laughs and continues. I know it's not the hugest of issues, but it's making me feel ill every time I see her.

DH is of the "it's just what she's like" variety. I try not to sit them next to the kids but she moves, and has been known to cry as she feels I'm trying to separate her from her GC.

AIBU? Should I ignore and dry heave quietly at the sink?

luckylucky24 Tue 22-Nov-16 15:59:56

Hmmm, I'm not sure if this would bother me. I feed the kids off my fork sometimes and considering what else they put in their mouth I don't think this is that bad.

PotteringAlong Tue 22-Nov-16 16:00:52

Is it the feeding them thing or off her fork thing?

CockacidalManiac Tue 22-Nov-16 16:01:29

and has been known to cry as she feels I'm trying to separate her from her GC.

Personally, I'd see this as the bigger issue.

lastqueenofscotland Tue 22-Nov-16 16:01:43

I think it's a bit grim but couldn't be getting that worked up about it unless her mouth is full of necrotic flesh.

TheFlounder Tue 22-Nov-16 16:01:52

This wouldn't bother be at all to be honest.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Tue 22-Nov-16 16:01:56

I don't think I'd like to watch this, and certainly wouldn't partake of her slabbery offerings, however it really isn't a biggie, is it?

It's surely the kind of thing that families do all the time... isn't it? confused

Skittlesss Tue 22-Nov-16 16:02:08

I presume she doesn't have anything that can be caught (e.g. Herpes) therefore just leave her to it. It's not causing any harm.

witsender Tue 22-Nov-16 16:02:56

The fork thing isn't an issue at all for me, I wouldn't have noticed. However that doesn't mean that you are being unreasonable about other issues.

celtiethree Tue 22-Nov-16 16:03:20

How old are your DC? I don't think YABU it would turn my stomach, I would find it hard to stay at the table.

Colby43443 Tue 22-Nov-16 16:03:47

My mum still feeds me off her fork sometimes, as does my aunt. It's a maternal thing - I wouldn't really get bothered by it

Gardencentregroupie Tue 22-Nov-16 16:04:24

The fork thing wouldn't bother me in the slightest but it's not really about that, is it? A normal person might be a bit hmm but respect your request not to do it, and certainly wouldn't throw drama and do emotional blackmail tears when you try to prevent it. So YAB a bit U but SIBVVVU.

LivingOnTheDancefloor Tue 22-Nov-16 16:04:27

If it is the off her fork thing, then I would be annoyed as well. The only pre-used cutlery my DCs are eating off is mine or DHs.
I find it quite intimate in a way.
I am sure some people will say you are precious and they do it all the time.

Tiggywinkler Tue 22-Nov-16 16:06:04

DD is 2.5, DS 11 months.

It's not the feeding that's the issue - totally happy for her to be as involved as she likes. It's the saliva thing!

I'll probably be accused of drip feeding but I forgot to add that she's a smoker with properly manky brown teeth.

Rosae Tue 22-Nov-16 16:06:40

I'm sorry, it wouldn't bother me either. I do that regularly. And all of us have used our used knives and forks to put more food on my lo's plate. Don't think I'd blink twice.
Though if it really bothers you can you give her an extra fork? I do think it's not great for her to carry on if you've asked her not to.

luckylucky24 Tue 22-Nov-16 16:08:05

Ah now your update has made me totally change my mind! YANBU. That would make me gag!

LivingOnTheDancefloor Tue 22-Nov-16 16:08:46

To everybody saying it wouldn't bother them, does it mean you would happily eat with cutlery that had just been used by your grand parents?
I wouldn't... but I accept I might be in the minority.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Tue 22-Nov-16 16:11:24

To everybody saying it wouldn't bother them, does it mean you would happily eat with cutlery that had just been used by your grand parents?

I wouldn't, at age 28 38.

But if you'd asked me that question when I was 5, the answer may have been different.

HardcoreLadyType Tue 22-Nov-16 16:13:02

You say there is a lot of back story, and I appreciate that a load of little things can add up.

I think for this one thing, YABU. You need to save your energy for fighting the more serious battles.

Potnoodlewilld0 Tue 22-Nov-16 16:14:46

That would actually knock me sick! YANBU

Tiggywinkler Tue 22-Nov-16 16:14:49

That's what I thought Hardcore - I'm trying very hard not to be one of those DILs!

mirrorballs Tue 22-Nov-16 16:15:17

It's not just cutlery though, she is taking food from her mouth and feeding it to DO, not simply sharing a fork! Vile. OP YANBU

RosieThorn Tue 22-Nov-16 16:15:17

YANBU just reading your description turned my stomach. Also, whether someone else finds it acceptable or not, the bigger issue to me is that you, as the children's mother, have requested she not do something yet she persists - that is rude and disrespectful and I think I'd be having stern words about it with her.

TheInternetIsForPorn Tue 22-Nov-16 16:15:43

Sane me says YABU. She's a grandparent or a stranger blah blah blah. But th larger part of me controlled by emotions says it's like a weird territory thing and she's encroaching on yours and I'm all uncomfortable on your behalf.

I think the fact you've asked her not to and she's ignored you isn't nice.

Out of interest, do you still feed your kids from your fork or are they independent eaters?

Crispbutty Tue 22-Nov-16 16:15:49

Using the same cutlery wouldn't bother me, however putting food that has already been in her own mouth is pretty rank.

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