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To believe that my DP should have confront his friend for being disrespectful?

(8 Posts)
KoolAidLady Tue 22-Nov-16 11:14:05

My DP has a friend who is known for being rude, obnoxious and spoilt, although he is a mature man in his mid 30's. DP and their mutual friends often laugh it off because "that's just the way he is".

Recently, this friend again behaved in a way I felt was disrespectful towards me also. Along the lines of letting it be known to DP that our relationship means very little to him, by refusing to acknowledge my existence e.g not inviting me to social gatherings but inviting DP and the wives of their mutual friends. I don't know obnoxious friend well enough for him to dislike me, but my guess is because we are not married...or plain old rudeness. We have been together for several years so I can't think why else.

Last night we had a row, because DP went out of his way to reply to a comment on FB by this mutual friend, so not to offend him! Although he seems to have no problem with me being offended! Am I actually being unreasonable in expecting DP to distance himself from or challenge this friend, over just ignoring it? Maybe it shouldn't matter to me at all.

BackforGood Tue 22-Nov-16 23:41:35

Bit difficult to answer without knowing what he has said, or done.

One the one hand, if someone is rude to me then I'm quite capable of speaking up for myself at the time - not sure why you need your dp to.
Equally, I think adults should be free to choose to be friends with whoever they want, and not have a partner 'controlling' who they are or aren't allowed to see.
It gets more difficult when it comes to doing things as a couple of course, but I'm not quite sure if you are offended at not being invited to something, by the chap that you don't like ? If that's right, then I'm not sure why you would be upset by that.
If dh were spending the evening with someone I didn't like, I wouldn't want to go.

YouHadMeAtCake Tue 22-Nov-16 23:44:13

DP and their mutual friends often laugh it off because "that's just the way he is

He's alright when you get to know him = he's a total twat but you get used to it. Hard to say without knowing more.

JellyBelli Tue 22-Nov-16 23:56:57

Seen this all before - the knob is actually a control freak. His attitude is 'you cant tell me what to do'. It would shock your DP and his friends if they ever found that out. They probably think he's a bit anti authority. But put into a position of authority he will turn into a little Hitler.
One of the clues is that he ignores you because you are not an Official Wife.
Its sad when people toady up to someone like that. He's the one that says all the stuff they cant. They think he's brave and risque.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 23-Nov-16 00:17:50

It doesn't matter what Hes said. Hes being disrespectful and exclusive and your DH should be challenging that. Instead of jumping on his dick. Reading between the lines. He seems a bit scared of him.
I hate the way allowance are made for people because. Its just the way they are. Well maybe its time he was told how it is. Hes a rude obnoxious twunt

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 23-Nov-16 00:19:31

Does your dp go to these gatherings that you're not invited to

goddessofsmallthings Wed 23-Nov-16 01:29:01

Regardless of their chronological age, any adult who is "known for being rude, obnoxious and spoit" can't be said to be mature, OP.

YANBU in expecting your dp make it crystal clear that he won't be attending any social gatherings this self-obsessed knobhead invites him to unless you're included.

I take the view that if your dp attends any future such events after you've made your feelings plain, he's being as disrespectful to you as the knobhead is.

kali110 Wed 23-Nov-16 02:26:06

I agree with back that don't know enough. You say you don't know him well enough so, you just assume he doesn't
Like you because you're not married to your dp ( no idea why this would be the case) but maybe he doesn't have a problem with you?
Has he actually said you're not invited to events with your dp?
Or when he's invited your dp just assumed you would be coming?
Does he even know you very well?
I think yabu to expect your dp to stop being friends with him.
It's his friend, it's up to him whether or not he stays friends with him, not you.
same as it wouldn't be up to your dp who you were friends with.

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