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To be upset about not going on a Christmas night out? Even though it's my choice?

(13 Posts)
TheWorldIsMine Tue 22-Nov-16 09:37:13

I hate Christmas. This year more so as I'm working through the lot so whilst everyone is relaxing, celebrating and having fun - I'm stuck at work.

I've been invited to two Christmas nights out - first being a work night out and second being a work night out with my previous workplace which I left in June.

I don't really want to go on either. At my current place I don't really feel like I know anyone well enough, I'm a bad mixer, don't make friends easily and the thought of turning up and not really knowing anyone that well fills me with dread. With my previous work place - I only really kept in touch with one of them and even that was over facebook so I feel stupid turning up to a world night out where I don't even work anymore.

Apart from this, on my works night out I'm at work the next day (surprise surprise) and I don't drink whereas they're all on about getting absolutely wrecked. I just feel like I don't fit in.

Easy solution to just not go to either but then I feel desperately sad that not only am I missing out on Christmas itself, I'm also going to be tucked up on the sofa when everyone (including DH) is out celebrating the week before.

I feel a bit of a Billy no mates but it's my own fault, I just don't like to mix. I've always been antisocial and most of the time it works for me but at times like this, I feel lonely and z bit of a reject.

Anyone else not going on Christmas nights out?

LIZS Tue 22-Nov-16 09:40:03

What a shame. Can you really not go along , if only to try to integrate better? It doesn't have to be late or boozy.

IDreamOfPeace Tue 22-Nov-16 09:52:52

I'm not either so you're not alone OP flowers

I've worked my ass of this year for my employer (been with them 3 years) and was basically was coerced into saying I wouldn't go to our works Christmas party this year because I'm essentially a pregnant inconvenience sad

I was considering not going any way because I'm getting quite knackered at this point but I wanted the choice to be mine at least. My DH gets 2 Christmas parties and I get to stay home with the cat. I also feel like a lonely reject.

ShowMePotatoSalad Tue 22-Nov-16 09:56:45

YANBU but I would go to your current work's do. Even if it's just for a couple of hours. I bet the thought of going is a million times worse than the reality. You never may actually enjoy yourself.

WorraLiberty Tue 22-Nov-16 10:00:12

Unless you work 7 days a week, can you plan a Christmas outing with your DH?

Something like a Christmas market and a nice lunch?

Or even a trip to the local theater to watch a pantomime, before having a nice dinner together?

clumsyduck Tue 22-Nov-16 10:02:47

To be honest I would go if only to be social and maybe joining in more will kick start some friendships
Only if you want to though you don't actually say if it's something you want to change ?

glitterazi Tue 22-Nov-16 10:04:54

You either want to go for a Christmas night out or you don't.
You've been invited out, so you have offers of company and potential fun. (How will you know you won't like it unless you go?)
You have two choices here - force yourself out and go along with no expectations. You may surprise yourself and enjoy it. If not, well, at least you know you tried..... otherwise it's scenario number 2.....
Staying home and feeling sad as you're not out celebrating. You know if you did feel sad for staying home and not celebrating, that's entirely your own making, right?
It only makes sense to stay home if you're going to enjoy it and make the most of it. Hot chocolate, crap telly/films, cosy blankets and roaring fires.
If you're going to be miserable at home, get out there and take the offers.

IDreamOfPeace Tue 22-Nov-16 10:05:56

LIZS It doesn't have to be late or boozy.

ShowMePotatoSalad I bet the thought of going is a million times worse than the reality.

These ladies have a point smile You could always go along and if you really don't like it just leave, using work the next day as an excuse. I know you say everyone will be drunk but that may help you mingle with them better. Most people let their guard down and get more sociable after a few drinks, giving you the opportunity to approach them without fear. You may end up having a really good time!

Buddahbelly Tue 22-Nov-16 10:27:03

I second worra's suggestion.

Im just like you in that I dont do groups of people very well, I'm fine with 1 or 2 but parties terrify me. Im also self employed and would kill for a works night out. (catch 22 though, if i was invited to one id probably make an excuse to not go!)

So instead every year I plan something to do with dp & ds, we will go around the christmas markets in town, do a bit of shopping then go for lunch. To be honest id much rather do that than a big works night out getting drunk!

trixymalixy Tue 22-Nov-16 10:34:21

I wouldn't bother going to your old work's do. However I really think you should make the effort to go to your new work's do. Quite often it's at these events that you get to know people better.

Is there someone at work you could say to, that you're worried you don't know anyone, who would buddy you and introduce you to other colleagues?

MsJudgemental Tue 22-Nov-16 10:50:05

Go, and leave early if you're not enjoying them. At least you have the choice- I'm self-employed and my husband's work dos don't include partners so I don't get to go to any parties at all. We're also far from or estranged from our families and don't have particularly close friends so unless I arrange a night out or trip away I don't feel the Christmas spirit.

SeptemberBlues Tue 22-Nov-16 11:16:08

I really get this –I just try and do an enjoyable equivalent with people I like spending time with, even if it's something low-key, like a Christmassy lunch at the pub or a festive cinema trip with one or two friends, or my partner. Not every box has to fit every person, but you still deserve a good time at some point. x

hazell42 Tue 22-Nov-16 15:07:57

You have been invited. This means they like you. Go. Even if it is just for a couple of hours and you don't drink.
Most people don't invite former colleagues unless they really really like them. It's not like they have to see you in January after all. And it is a great way to get to know your new colleagues.
I think you are letting your social anxiety get the better of you, finding excuses not to go and then feeling a tiny bit sorry for yourself.
Be brave. Go. Enjoy it. You'll be fine

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