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To end this friendship?

(21 Posts)
BirdBrain85 Tue 22-Nov-16 00:39:18

I've posted about this friend before. I've known her about 2-3 years and we've spent a lot of time together; often speaking and seeing each other multiple times per week. I don't have many close friends, so those I do have are important to me; however I'm very happy in my own company and if I didn't see anyone for a weekend it wouldn't bother me.

Anyway, my friend let me down recently when I was really unwell. Made no effort to check in and see how I was, even though I basically cried down the phone to her (first time in the years I've known her but that apparently made me needy and pathetic). I am constantly supporting her so felt more than a little put out that the support wasn't reciprocated when I really needed it.

When we speak she will talk a lot about herself - that's fine, I don't mind listening - but she will then put down, ignore or belittle anything I say. There are many examples, and it is both on a personal and professional level (we work in similar fields), but bottom line is she will often call me an idiot or stupid.

I stopped contacting her these past few weeks because I was so fed up of her bringing me down, and that upset her. She said I was making no effort and was on my "last strike" if I didn't call her more often. She sounded genuninely upset/confused about this, but it in no way has it changed her behaviour or attitude towards me.

I am at the point now where I feel like whatever I say is wrong in her eyes. I have also recently woken up to the fact that no one else treats me like this - acquaintances treat me better frankly and I find I actually have reciprocal conversations with them (very novel I know!).

Do I tell her how I feel or just let the friendship fizzle out? She isn't the sort of person who will gasp in shock that she's hurt me and extend a sincere apology; she will no doubt tell me I'm being ridiculous and need to man up. We have had some great times of course, and before this recent big let down I honestly considered her to be one of my best friends.

I'm basically scared of making the wrong decision and regretting it.

Any words of wisdom appreciated 😔.

YouHadMeAtCake Tue 22-Nov-16 00:44:27

She's not a friend and you don't deserve or need such toxic crap in your life. Block all forms of contact and forget about her. She uses you to make herself feel better because she knows nobody else would put up with it. Life is far too short to allow someone so nasty to spoil it.Get rid!

baconandeggies Tue 22-Nov-16 00:48:54

She's abusive - using you and sticking the knife in. Thinks a lot of herself doesn't she! Block her, ignore her. It'll drive her mad.

Atenco Tue 22-Nov-16 01:27:00

Well you know her enough to know that she will come back with some insulting remark if you try to sort it out with her, so, in your place, I would let it fizzle out. You might find in future years when you are both in different places you want to pick up the friendship again.

I think the main things is to look around and make some new friends.

Let it fizzle out.

PenguinsandPebbles Tue 22-Nov-16 01:41:55

I think most people find they end up with one of these so called friends in their lives at one point or another especially when they are kind people who often put others above themselves.

Your worth more than this, I'd hope to think you wouldn't put up with behaviour like this from a partner or spouse so why allow a friend to treat you like it.

I wouldn't even bother explaining just walk away and let it fizzle out, I'd focus on the acquaintances you have who could turn into proper friends not this selfish drama lama.

MommaGee Tue 22-Nov-16 02:46:06

I wouldn't be capable of letting it fizzle out - I'd send a text outlining exactly what she's done to hurt you and why you no longer feel the relationship is tenable

goddessofsmallthings Tue 22-Nov-16 03:18:20

This fairweather 'friend' sounds like an out and out bully and it seems she's somehow managed to intimidate or manipulate in you into believing that you'll miss her toxic presence... as if.

As having any further communication with this woman will only add fuel to her flames. I'm with the 'let it fizzle out' crowd.

If she manages to corners you at any time simply say that you're only interested in two-way friendships with give and take on both sides and, as she clearly prefers one way in her favour, you've elected to take to the highway.

If this produces a tirade of 'man up', 'don't be such a wimp' and similar pleasantries, add that she's been right to call you an idiot as you now see how stupid you've been to put up with her shit and either hang up the phone or walk away.

flyinglotus434 Tue 22-Nov-16 03:39:24

Immediately end this abusive friendship with no further explanation or contact. You'll just be more and more hurt and manipulated if this goes on so protect yourself and feel better immediately.

GashleyCrumbTiny Tue 22-Nov-16 05:24:19

You will gain nothing from saying your piece. This sort of person won't take it on board, they'll turn it back on you. You'll just create hassle and drama and stoke her feelings of self-righteousness. Just quietly stop contacting her and don't waste any more of your time or head space on her.

LouisvilleLlama Tue 22-Nov-16 05:28:08


Ilikegin Tue 22-Nov-16 05:34:41

I agree with others, let it fizzle out! I said my piece to ex friend In similar circumstances and had to block etc, this friend now tries every which way possible to get a reaction out of me. Some people like drama. Don't feed it!

Totallybonkersmum Tue 22-Nov-16 05:37:53

Maybe she's having a crisis of her own right now, that she's not letting on to anybody.
However, anyone putting me down and calling me stupid and thick would definitely be not on my 'friends' list. A real friend wouldn't do this to anyone, yet alone another friend!
I'd definitely cross her off my Christmas card list!

Zoflorabore Tue 22-Nov-16 05:40:35

Jeez she's comparing you to a skittle- last strike? Cheeky madam.

Completely different circumstances op but I have ended a 5 year friendship recently and you know what I feel so much better for it, was draining the life out of me.

It's true that you do find out who your real friends are when you really need them so think in this case she has answered your queustion for you. Good luck smile

Creampastry Tue 22-Nov-16 06:34:45

Tell her to get stuffed!

Wookiecookies Tue 22-Nov-16 13:52:44

Ditch the bitch. flowers

Aeroflotgirl Tue 22-Nov-16 13:54:45

She sounds awful, let it fizzle out, not a friend I would like.

messeduptotally Tue 22-Nov-16 14:06:58

I ended a 3 year friendship recently, we had been close and I was her bridesmaid. My marriage collapsed and her DH was my xH best friend, she supported me for months but always seemed to go behind my back about situations. The end came when she decided to post a photo on FB of xh and his new gf having a drink with them, I was mortified and said it was insensitive - she replied with she was disappointed in me. I blocked her and her DH and haven't spoke since - they are now all having lovely weekends drinking together now posting on FB (2 faced backstabbers!!)

Katy07 Tue 22-Nov-16 14:25:58

I'd explain to her - not because I think she'd change (she's no friend whatever action you take) but because then she can't legitimately blame you (though naturally it will still be your fault - man up, you take things personally, only a joke etc. etc.). Then walk away to enjoy the view from your moral high ground - you'll probably spot some new, decent friends from there grin

Stormtreader Tue 22-Nov-16 14:34:47

You arent friends, you are her staff. Your job is to give her sympathy and listen to her problems, and to be put down to make her feel better about herself, and you arent doing your job, hence youre on your last strike.

Ditch her and let her find a new victim.

Iwannabelikecommonpeople Tue 22-Nov-16 14:36:10

Move on and don't look back - Life is too short for crap like this ! Good luck. smile

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