To not want to tell white lies?

(14 Posts)
Limitededition7inch Mon 21-Nov-16 20:47:45

DH and I have recently found out we are expecting for the second time. Absolutely over the moon but DH wants to keep a secret (even from close friends and family) until scan. However I remember last time I was pregnant I found the whole sneaking around and lying so exhausting so I would rather just be honest, especially with those who we would hope to get support from if, god forbid, anything did happen.

I know I should respect DHs wishes but with Christmas coming up (I am not one to turn down a drink on social occasions) I also know it will be quite difficult to pretend. I also feel that I'm more knackered this time round and it will be quite obvious I'm not my usual self, especially as I'm spending it with my own family who will know - and I hate lying to them.

Any thoughts?

RNBrie Mon 21-Nov-16 20:52:52

I told people with dc 2 and 3 early. I'm rubbish with lies anyway but I knew I'd be a mess and need support if something went wrong. I did turn down a couple of events where I didn't want to drink and didn't want to tell people but that was mainly work stuff.

TheSnowFairy Mon 21-Nov-16 20:53:00

Congratulations flowers

Someone will guess and tbh I wouldn't deny it.

Limitededition7inch Mon 21-Nov-16 20:58:13

Thank you, I thought about just letting people guess (friends and family are very blunt and would just ask - doesnt bother me though) but it's just that DH is quite worried about anything going wrong and he's not keen on telling - he's quite private whereas I'm quite open. I have no idea why he is so worried though as first pregnancy was generally absolutely fine?!

CrohnicallyPregnant Mon 21-Nov-16 21:02:45

You might not have much choice- I tried to keep it quiet but by 8 weeks I had a visible bump, people were clearly suspicious and I told DD so she would know to be careful with mummy- and she was so excited that everyone knew within days. Even complete strangers!

SEsofty Mon 21-Nov-16 21:04:30

Think about who you would want to know if something goes wrong, and only tell them. And your do is right to be cautious, just because first has no problem doesn't mean will be without (although obviously hope all is fine)

NickyEds Mon 21-Nov-16 21:06:20

We waited until 13 weeks with our first, which was after the scan, but I felt well and had really cut down on the booze as we were ttc, my job also meant I worked weekends so it wasn't a big deal if I didn't drink as I had to work. With dd I started to feel sick at 4 weeks and didn't stop until around 12 weeks. I was so tired and grumpy and generally awful. As soon as I found out that my scan wouldn't be until after Christmas we decided to tell people because with the best will in the world I wouldn't ordinarily turn down booze at Christmas! I just couldn't make excuses as to why I couldn't travel very far (I get travel sick at the best of time but with morning sickness it was horrendous), or have a drink and tbh has something happened I would most likely have needed the help and support.

Farmmummy Mon 21-Nov-16 21:06:41

Second and third times I showed very quickly no chance of hiding. I can understand his caution but if you feel people will be supportive then it's up to you if you want to share especially over Christmas

EveOnline2016 Mon 21-Nov-16 21:07:37

I had no choice, because of working in a hospital so it's safer to tell my boss and didn't want boss being the first person to know.

Limitededition7inch Mon 21-Nov-16 21:12:58

Thank you to all for advice. I'll try to compromise and say to DH to only tell our family and very close friends. Was deliberately holding off telling DS as he cant shut up at the moment!

NickyEds Mon 21-Nov-16 21:27:06

Same here farmmummy! I didn't need maternity jeans until 26 ish weeks with ds but was in then by 10 weeks second time around!

Limitededition7inch Mon 21-Nov-16 21:28:55

Oooh very excited about that, I was an absolute whale blooming first time round so god knows what I'll be like this time.

MommaGee Mon 21-Nov-16 21:36:00

We ended up telling at 7 weeks with first child as I had to cancel trip to Nepal and I refused to lie about the most precious thing on my life. Good luck x

GreyBird84 Mon 21-Nov-16 21:44:56

I'm the private one & DH the open one but we told our parents as soon as we found out. I had to tell my boss as had a few rough weeks of sickness & a couple of days off but then we told no one until after the scan.

So whilst I understand your DH reluctance, I think telling immediate family earlier is perfectly reasonable.

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