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Aibu to just sit in a heap and cry because I don't know what people expect me to do about this.

(46 Posts)
rainrainrainrainmorerain Mon 21-Nov-16 17:02:14

I have 6 children ,4 of them fine no problems at school but 2 who struggle for different reasons.

Ds has always struggled with the actual work . Until the end of year 4 we struggled along at school , he is generally ok but he just finds it extremely difficult to concentrate and he has terrible difficulty writing (I have attached a picture of his writing to show you what I mean).

The school gave him some extra help but once he got to a certain level (still well below what you would expect) this stopped after that he was pretty much left to get on and this caused major problems, panic attacks crying when asked to read etc.

By September this year things were so bad we took him out of school . We felt like we had tried our best in two different schools and he was at a point where it was more damaging for him to continue as he was than to leave.

He has been home educated since September and he has improved so much not his writing or his work but god he can look at a book now without having a panic attack he can listen to a story he will even read small passages.

Today a teacher came out to see us come the local authority and she was lovely but repeatedly kept saying that "a child like this needs to return to school as soon as possible". She basically told me that he should be aiming to return to the SEN group for year 7 but he has been in these groups before he was bullied , the behaviour of he other children was terrible and downright dangerous on occasion I see no advantage to this.

She also referred to my daughter who is 6. I know that she recently had a social and emotional assesment as she has struggled so much socially at school . She is way ahead in her schoolwork but socially she can't cope.

The teacher today said "so it looks like she's on the spectrum". Apparently the tests she has had have been to looks for autism. I mean she has them 2 months ago and no one ever contacted me back so I just thought It was all fine confused

Anyway I just feel so shit like wtf am I supposed to do about any of this.

I have one child who I am told might be able to get some key skills certificate if he goes back to
School rathet than stays home and one who I just have no idea what I am supposed to do.

I feel like just telling everyone to fuck off and leave hem alone - we are getting on fine and making progress. I feel like just keeping my 6 year old home with me and ds and just doing what each needs the best we can. I know that's not how it works but I wish it was.

Aibu to just go to bed and cry because I don't feel like there is anything I can do? Ds is really upset because he was of course he wipe all his was going on and I feel powerless to help either ds or dd.

LadyCallandraDaviot Mon 21-Nov-16 17:06:58

You could keep them home, and home school them, if you think you have the capability and capacity to do it.
Or, you could look at the other options out there - it doesn't have to be mainstream school or nothing.

Take some time, look at all the options and make a decision about what is best for each of them.


rainrainrainrainmorerain Mon 21-Nov-16 17:26:46

Sorry just realised I forgot to attach the pic

yomellamoHelly Mon 21-Nov-16 17:34:06

Think I'd be pursuing a diagnosis and EHCP for your son. Looks like it could be dyslexia, though I may well be wide of the mark.
He'll need the correct support, along with the correct school, to return. Might help you formulate how you see it unfolding with him too.
Seems like your 6yo needs a similar approach.

Babypythagorus Mon 21-Nov-16 17:38:42

If you want to keep them home, you can. Ask for this thread to be moved to home ed?

Domino20 Mon 21-Nov-16 17:40:05

You are under no obligation to let these people into your home or take their advice. If you are enjoying having the kids at home and feel you are providing an education which is appropriate to their specific needs, then keep on doing so. All the best x

rainrainrainrainmorerain Mon 21-Nov-16 17:51:12

Thanks I am enjoying having him home because it's been really nice to actually see him enjoy learning. Ok it's really basic things - probably they same sort of level as year 1 and 2 but actually he understands them now for the first time.

I did think about refusing the visit but tbh I was a bit nervous!

Hobnobhobbit Mon 21-Nov-16 18:07:34

Seems like dyslexia I 22 and been the same I could never concentrate didn't understand anything couldn't take anything in 22 years on and I've Made with lots of struggles my writing hasn't improved but I had lots of extra lessons and lots of fun activity books I got there

ImprovisingNow Mon 21-Nov-16 18:17:59

My oldest DC finds handwriting very difficult and it took up so much of his bandwidth that he had no room left to take in what he was writing. His handwriting was also so bad that sometimes even I couldn't read it. He's a different child since we taught him to touch type.

Might be worth a try?

CurlyMango Mon 21-Nov-16 18:24:12

Sounds like a good idea ImprovisingNow. Should not be held back just because of writing, there's is probably so much waiting to be said for him.

ShoeEatingMonster Mon 21-Nov-16 18:36:08

Have you got any examples of his composition (a story or some piece of writing that isn't just words) either hand written or typed? Just so we can get a better idea of what his issues are. What did his previous schools say the problem was?

As for your dd there a diagnosis of asd shouldn't generally stop her from accessing school.

I think it's good that the LEA check up on home schools. Most home educators are brilliant but there are some who do their children no favours at all.

redexpat Mon 21-Nov-16 18:42:20

Did you not follow up with the school to get the results of the tests on your daughter?

rainrainrainrainmorerain Mon 21-Nov-16 18:48:21

This is an example of something he typed on the computer. The first sentence was given to him and he was supposed to continue the story. This was done with voice recognition on the computer so he didn't actually type it if that makes sense. He struggles just as much with typing as writing .

I felt something cold to touch my shoulder and started to turn around slowly. When I turned round I found out that it was zombie was trying eat My brains so I ran off to my house and locked the door And my mum said hi do you want some apple pie I said no there's a zombie outside she laughed and said don't be silly then she looked outside and screamed a lumberjack came and killed him are they all lived happily ever after And they got married and had six children became very very very very Very rich!

As for his actual writing this would be the limit of what he can do (see pic) underneath is a typed version of what he wrote. I have been keeping bits of his in a notebook so we can see what's going on.

rainrainrainrainmorerain Mon 21-Nov-16 18:49:58

Red it was done through the school nurse and I have been trying to contact her for the last month I have left 5 messages for her and keep getting told she will contact me but nothing.

The school don't seem to know much other than to tell me to speak to the school nursing team

albertcampionscat Mon 21-Nov-16 18:54:19

That's a good story - nice use of dramatic tension.

slenderisthenight Mon 21-Nov-16 19:07:40

I'm sorry this is happening to you, OP. Well done for doing what it takes to be there for your little boy.

I think you've been bullied a bit by this teacher. She is talking well outside her remit in pressurising you to return your child to school and pretending this is a decision she can make or 'advise' upon. The responsibility and choice is yours and only yours.

Unfortunately it happens too often.

If that is her agenda, you need to be careful. In your place, I would ask to see her minutes/summary of the meeting because it will probably have been written up in a manner that is critical of your ability to cope.

Your education authority only has a responsibility to get involved if they have evidence that your child isn't receiving an adequate education. Unfortunately, they will often take anything they like as 'evidence' and use this. While some are lovely, others have been known to lie about their powers and about what they have seen while in the home. Others have criticised a home on any pretext imaginable - if it's messy it's wrong. If it's tidy it's wrong.

Because of this, many parents choose to keep things formal but very courteous. They send a registered letter thanking the education authority for their contact, say that they have no concerns at this time but they know where the EA is if necessary, they decline visits but say they'll send a philosophy of education in due course (no homework usually as this is often above the school age level and may come under fire for that). And very importantly, they state that they would like to keep further correspondence in writing for their records.

Very courteous but very formal.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 21-Nov-16 19:08:08

Do you want to keep home educating?

If so I personally would write to the EHE person copying in her boss asking for clarification as to why she feels children with SENs should have to go to schools given that during your meeting she repeatly made comments suggesting that was the case or where you misunderstood about her comments.

Then I would start writing a very good educational report highlighting the education you provide I may also be inclined to obtain a report from a education specialist

Then I would tell her to fuck off and never darken my door step again

SeaCabbage Mon 21-Nov-16 19:10:26

If you post on the home education topic, you will get even more help from mumsnetters.

the woman from the LA should never have said that to you. they are meant to be impartial. It seems clear to you that your DS has taken to home ed really well, as some children do.

Please dont' feel you have failed. Sometimes we just have to take different routes. Do get over home ed on mumsnet, it's great.

rainrainrainrainmorerain Mon 21-Nov-16 19:10:46

Thanks - her exact words were "a child like (my child's name) would be better off in school".

She did however say at the end that she had no concerns and probable wouldn't see me for at least another year confused

rainrainrainrainmorerain Mon 21-Nov-16 19:11:34

Yes needs despite all of this I have kind of fallen in love with home educating and a part of me wishes I had done it with all the children.

Namechangeemergency Mon 21-Nov-16 19:15:16

A teacher should absolutely NOT be giving you a diagnosis of Autism for your DD.
That is shocking.
I am not sure what a social and emotional assessment is. I haven't heard that term before.
A diagnosis of ASD should be given after an multidisciplinary assessment and YOU should have been involved. How can they make an assessment without the parents?

I am assuming that no such diagnosis has been made and the teacher is jumping the gun and interpreting a report. A report that you should have a copy of.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 21-Nov-16 19:18:18

She's not likely to be a teacher she may be an ex teacher but she will be the EHE person who will now fancy herself as a expert in everything

guggenheim Mon 21-Nov-16 19:21:16

Forget her- or alternately, ask her for a list of all these wonderful schools with amazing resources. Then ask her to outline ( in writing obvs ) exactly how and who will deliver the extra help needed. Who will pay ? How long will the extra help last for?
Since she can diagnose by sight, presumably she can direct you to 1:1 support in a local school?

Thought not!!

Home ed is a good way to repair confidence and build up skills. Are you in contact with any local groups- there's loads on in some areas.

When and if your dc are ready to return to school , then you can look at options together. I wouldn't bother meeting her again or if I had to, then I'd meet in a cafe / library.

She was probably 'just doing her job ' but I wonder if she has ever actually tried home ed herself?

LewisFanIsBack Mon 21-Nov-16 19:21:27

My ds's writing is not very different to that example and he's 14 with Dyspraxia... has ds ever been looked at by a paediatrician?

redexpat Mon 21-Nov-16 19:26:08

I think you need to be even more assertive about getting results. Start keeping a diary of when you call and keep a paper trail via email. She must have an email address. In fact keep a diary of all appointments and meetings what was said and by whom. What was agreed and the timescale.

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