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Just found out my cousin died. Via Facebook.

(76 Posts)
Nottalotta Mon 21-Nov-16 10:27:47

Abu to think.people should bloody wait until family and close friends have been told before posting loads of messages? She lived in a different country so there is a time difference. Another cousin had phoned my mum as soon as was sensible (7am) and she was just about to phone me.

Wtf is wrong with people?!

HeyMacWey Mon 21-Nov-16 10:30:25

Some people have no filter and /or a urge to be the first to break news (good and bad).
I'm sorry for your loss flowers

TheWitTank Mon 21-Nov-16 10:32:20

Yikes -that is bad. Sorry for your loss flowers

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 21-Nov-16 10:37:08

Sorry you found out that way.
I can only imagine some people are so taken up with FB it's the first thing they reach for when something happens.

QueenMortificado Mon 21-Nov-16 10:38:10

Gosh this is awful, so sorry OP flowers

I never understand why there is a race to break news like this and be the first to pay tribute to someone. Don't people stop and think how hurtful it could be for other people?

MrsJayy Mon 21-Nov-16 10:43:57

Im so sorry you heard this way it is such a shock thing is with facebook it is instant people don't think and just post they don't mean to be callous or insensitive they think they know so everybody else must know too, I do agree with you though I heard an Aunts grandchild had killed themselves through facebook a few years ago it hadnt even filtered through the family yet.

Scottishchick39 Mon 21-Nov-16 10:49:12

I found out my aunt had died through Facebook, my mum was devastated as she also saw the post.

OldBootNewBoots Mon 21-Nov-16 10:50:07

some people think it's an efficient way of expressing communal grief - like a memory wall, for this generation. I find it incredibly offensive to do so before you know that everyone that knew the person has been told, but I don't think any harm was meant, you must've had a terrible shock though, very sad.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Mon 21-Nov-16 10:52:37

I absolutely hate this. My friend lost her eldest son earlier this year and was bombarded by messages before the police had even arrived to tell her - mainly along the lines of "Are you ok, Hun?". No, she wasn't . Of course she wasn't . It's almost as though it's a race to be the first to announce the news and it disgusts me. Have some sensitivity, FFS. So sorry for your loss, OP - hope you all have support in place flowers

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Mon 21-Nov-16 10:53:03

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the added awfulness of finding out via Facebook flowers

Personally I tend to steer clear of any public displays of grief on Facebook. I find it often develops into competitive grief hmm and people posting tributes that are more about themselves that the deceased. I'd rather send a private message, or preferably a card, to the relatives.

At the very least I think people ought to wait to comment until there has been a public announcement by a relative on Facebook.

WankingMonkey Mon 21-Nov-16 10:53:49

My partner found out his Grandma had died via FB. He was so pissed off and upset.

flowers for you

MrsJayy Mon 21-Nov-16 10:54:22

Oh that is horrific jess your poor friend

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Mon 21-Nov-16 10:56:30

Jess shock that's appalling. Your poor friend.

Glowbug59 Mon 21-Nov-16 11:01:17

I found out my Nan had died on a Facebook message. Sorry for your loss x

QuimReaper Mon 21-Nov-16 11:05:42

My condolences OP flowers

It's incredibly crass. I'm always nauseated by the Facebook posts that are shared by local media outlets after a tragedy is reported too.

We found out our very good friend had proposed to his fiancé just after Christmas last year because her sister splashed it all over Facebook without permission. I think he was a bit pissed off that he didn't get to tell anyone in person.

MrsJayy Mon 21-Nov-16 11:06:46

Is it people not thinking or is facebook seen as the only way to pass information on ? Ive a neighbour on facebook and every single death she hears about is on her status she just announces she is sad to hear.... I don't get it but i do

OldBootNewBoots Mon 21-Nov-16 11:07:34

my sister posted congratulations about DD2 on my wall where everyone could see it before we'd even gotten around to phoning everyone - crass, she definitely meant to be rude in her case.

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 21-Nov-16 11:07:56

So sorry for your loss. flowers

I forsee this in my future unfortunately. My aunt is very attention seeking on FB and I suspect will be told first when my nan passes, will make sure her children know and she will not hesitate for a second to put it on Facebook. When my nan was ill in hospital once, she took a photo of her when she had just come out of theatre (and wasn't really aware) and put the photo on Facebook then kept putting things like "X UPDATE BLAH BLAH" just so loads of people would comment. She LOVED the attention. I hated the photo, it's awful and I am a lot closer to my nan than she is with her. This thread has confirmed how common it is. Your poor friend Jess, that is beyond terrible and I'd hit the roof at the idiotic people who would think that is acceptable. It's shit like this that makes me want to get rid of Facebook.

QuimReaper Mon 21-Nov-16 11:08:43

I also found out my brother had died on Facebook. I had never met him so it didn't much affect me to have found out that way, but with the time difference between his country and ours, my sister and I had a dilemma about how to approach our Dad, who might or might not have had a telephone call from his ex-wife. It seemed so wrong that might have found out on Facebook before he did by personal telephone call. It was such an unnecessary dilemma, which could have been avoided by leaving a decent period between the event and the social media announcement.

(The announcement was made by another brother who was presumably wracked with grief so I do cut him some slack, but the general point still holds.)

Owllady Mon 21-Nov-16 11:08:47

Jess, that is just shockingly awful sad xxx
I don't know why people announce on fb either but I don't really get it

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 21-Nov-16 11:10:16

Oh yes, my sister put a photo of DD that I texted to her straight on Facebook. DH hadn't even left the hospital to finish letting everyone know and had been planning on putting an announcement on there himself. She took it down and was apologetic but it's the principle of the thing in the first place. Everyone had seen it by the time we realised.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Mon 21-Nov-16 11:12:48

MrsJayy. I suppose (trying to be generous here) that some people are shocked and want to discuss it with someone else, but it seems so insensitive not to wait. In my friend's case, she was woken up to a flurry of posts asking if she was ok, obviously panicked and asked what they were talking about, and then they all backed off, realising she didn't know. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the police arrived shortly after. The trouble is, where as you and I would wait, we can't control the behaviour of others.

TheresAlwaysTimeForTea Mon 21-Nov-16 11:14:02

So sorry for your loss and that you had to find out this way OP. When my grandad died, my cousins immediately posted to FB and my uncle (who my mum hadn't been able to reach) found out that his father had died that way! People just don't think. Tbh I'm not a fan of broadcasting grief online as it just becomes ridiculous (OTT poems and look at me posts)so I wouldn't post on FB but many people do like to put a show on!

VixenLupin Mon 21-Nov-16 11:15:49

I found out DH's aunt had died when his niece put it on Facebook. Also had to tell DH his mum was in hospital when his sister put it on there but hadn't bothered telling him!

Before Facebook I was another forum and got really annoyed when a real life friend who was also on there put a birth announcement up when I had my DS while I was still in hospital.

Some people just like the attention for themselves.

MadisonAvenue Mon 21-Nov-16 11:16:09

This is dreadful. So sorry you had to find out this way. People are so insensitive, and I wonder if it's a form of attention seeking. So that they announce a death - and quite often of someone they only have a loose connection to - and then sit back for the "U ok hun?" messages to start appearing.

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